#99: Vintage Wine / ep.4
The Kinugawa Strolling Game entered overtime: Jiji-nuki.
Except the playing cards being used were Toko’s very own 18+ playing cards, the sort that would guarantee a 100 per cent breakup unless the players were very close.
Shandy had three cards; Mikoto had four. Each one bore, painstakingly handwritten, a devilish instruction designed to plunge its victim into the depths of excruciating embarrassment. Toko had probably come up with all fifty-two cards, twenty-six different forfeits, with a huge grin on her face. Talk about having too much time on her hands.
“Then I’ll draw first, since I have fewer cards.”
Mikoto’s hand consisted of Lick Your Favourite Body Part, Sweet Confession, Embarrassing Story, and Cosplay Sex. Whichever one she drew, hell awaited her.
“You’re really going through with this…”
“Of course. What’s the point of a Game if you don’t enjoy it?”
Humming to herself as she studied her cards, Shandy was simply enjoying the situation.
She was like an innocent child playing a game, or perhaps a grown woman completely at ease. She faced the cards and Mikoto with such single-minded sincerity that it almost seemed as though she had been born to play.
“A Game, huh…”
A Game could be nothing more than play, or a bit of mischief. Shandy adored the suggestive little battles of wits that took place night after night at antiqua, and Mikoto had stretched herself to keep up with her.
If Mikoto was going to play along with her Games, there was only one thing she needed to do.
Take a deep breath and straighten her back.
“…Go on. Choose.”
“Ah, the return of the gentlemanly Mikoto. It’s been a while.”
“I enjoy playing just as much as you do.”
“Don’t come crying to me when you lose.”
“I could say the same to you.”
They stared into each other’s eyes, facing one another and pitting their fighting spirit against each other.
But winning or losing at Jiji-nuki meant nothing to Mikoto.
There was no forfeiture in this Game. If her opponent had been someone with whom she had an awkward relationship, she might have dreaded drawing any one of the cards. But if it was Shandy, then it did not matter which card she drew, or who won.
If she could bring their skin and their hearts into contact, then however the Game turned out, Mikoto would be the winner.
“I’ll make up for my defeat earlier.”
That was why she found Shandy’s innocent determination to win so endearing.
Her slender fingers sifted through the cards. The one she chose was Lick Your Favourite Body Part. The matching card was discarded, leaving Shandy with two cards.
“By the way, I like your neck. What about you, Mikoto?”
“The slender bones showing through your translucent skin. They’re the embodiment of your delicate nature, strong yet fragile, as though an incautious touch might snap them.”
“Oh my. You’ve developed quite an unusual fetish.”
“I had a good teacher.”
Confessing their fetishes was nothing new at this point. Where they put their lips, where they left teeth marks, where they might have dug in their nails. All Mikoto had to do was remember, and she knew.
It was embarrassing, stretching herself like this again after so long, but this was a Game with her. She wanted Shandy to enjoy this little moment born of her own selfishness, and she wanted to enjoy it herself.
As the person she had first shown herself to.
As the Mikoto she wanted to be.
“Now it’s my turn.”
The hand Shandy held up contained two cards. Behind them, those amber eyes gleamed as though asking which one she would choose. A ravenous beast hungry for victory, and an innocent girl.
For Shandy’s sake, Mikoto wanted to choose the way that would make her happiest.
“Shandy, would you show me your hand until the Game is over?”
“Oh? Do you need a handicap?”
“I have three cards, while you have two. I’m the one holding the losing card.”
“But if you know which card is the losing one first, wouldn’t that give you an advantage?”
In Jiji-nuki, the losing card has no matching pair. Unlike the Joker in Old maid’s Japanese counterpart, Baba-nuki, where the losing card is known from the outset, you cannot identify the losing card in Jiji-nuki until near the end of the game.
“If I know which card is the losing one, it works in your favour too. It isn’t a handicap. It makes things even.”
But knowing the losing card in advance posed no problem. Because Mikoto’s speciality was psychological warfare, painstakingly reading every tiny gesture. Or, as Shandy called it, playing a Game.
“I see. So this is a challenge to me? Hehe. How fun.”
Understanding her intention, Shandy turned over the cards she had been keeping hidden. The two cards were Sweet Confession and Embarrassing Story. That automatically made Cosplay Sex the losing card.
Just as I thought.
And yet, somewhere deep down, her body seemed to be asking for it.
“Well then.”
“Go ahead.”
Mikoto wanted to save dessert for later, so she drew Embarrassing Story and discarded its matching card. Following the rule Shandy had added herself, she had to come up with something based on the content of the discarded card.
“This is rather embarrassing, but I wasn’t particularly keen on the Strolling Game.”
“Do you really dislike the lingerie that much?”
“No. If it will make you happy, I’m glad to. I want to see you wearing it myself.”
“I feel the same way.”
She did not want to wear it, but her desire to be seen by Shandy was stronger still.
She wanted to be acknowledged. Trusted. Loved. That desperate longing gave her the strength to cross the wall within herself that said, I don’t want to do this.
Whether it was something love made possible, or some act of madness born of love, she could not say. But she was proud of the way she was changing herself to meet Shandy halfway.
“Part of the reason I resisted the Game was because I felt as though Toko, the person who gave us these presents, had intruded upon our relationship.”
“But there’s no room for her to intrude, is there?”
It was unfair to Toko, but the presents had been unnecessary interference. They were already close enough without aphrodisiacs, lingerie, or playing cards, and neither of them had any intention of pulling away.
“Yes. But thanks to the presents, we’re having fun. Which makes me all the more ashamed that I resented Toko.”
“You tied that up rather nicely. I can see you’ve grown.”
“I’m honoured by the compliment.”
Once she had finished speaking, Mikoto calmed her flushed body with a deep breath. She forced herself to ignore the frantic pounding of her heart and waited for Shandy to speak.
“My embarrassing story is…”
Shandy paused for a breath before beginning.
“…I’m ashamed of how miserable I am that I still can’t bring myself to trust you completely.”
There was no way to tell from her expression whether the confession was true. Her usual smile never left her face, and her intentions remained a mystery.
“Trust. Bonds. Those things everyone holds up as sacred and venerable. I’m not devoted enough to blindly believe in them. How could I possibly trust something for which there is neither proof nor corroboration?”
But Mikoto understood now, thanks to the stories of her past she had heard before.
Because of Alice.
“Wounds carved into the heart never truly heal. No matter how neatly you stitch them closed, even when they seem healed, the memory remains as a scar.”
Alice had been abandoned by the Cheshire Cat. The reason Shandy stubbornly refused to speak of her past was because she was trying to forget the days she had spent with her lover.
If Mikoto wanted Shandy to forget that past, live in the present, and carry herself into the future, then there was only one thing she could do.
“So I swore I would stay by your side. Until you forgot even to think about the scars left by your past.”
“……”
Shandy’s eyes widened in surprise, but Mikoto continued.
“As long as you want it, I’ll make it rain words upon you. Clichés, catchphrases, directly or indirectly. In every language under the sun, from East to West, I’ll tell you how much I love you.”
The words were so embarrassingly saccharine that they made her teeth ache. If she actually did this, her carefully straightened posture would probably curl in on itself halfway through, and she would writhe around in shame.
But if Shandy wanted it, she wanted to do it.
She wanted to give it to her.
“…In English?”
“I love you.”
“Spanish.”
“Te amo.”
“Mandarin Chinese.”
“我爱你.”
“In your language?”
She silenced the mischievous smile on Shandy’s lips with a kiss.
Words were unnecessary.
“Do you like the rain of love?”
“Yes. Thanks to you, I’m soaked through. What will you do if I catch a cold?”
“I’ll keep you warm until you recover.”
“How?”
“I’ll hold you until your heart is warm again.”
“Even if it stays cold for the rest of my life?”
“I intend to stake my whole life on it.”
“Then please do. Until the day comes when I no longer have to doubt you.”
Just exchanging words was enough to make her body ache for Shandy. She had never loved a woman before, yet now she felt as though her chest were being gripped and scraped raw, her skin drawn taut. Heat burned deep in her belly.
She hoped Shandy felt the same.
She wanted her to.
“Well then. It’s finally the end.”
The Jiji-nuki Game reached Shandy’s turn. As though to steel herself, she stretched out dramatically.
Mikoto had two cards left, Shandy one. But Shandy’s hand would remain visible until the end of Jiji-nuki, so even if Shandy drew the losing card, Cosplay Sex, on this turn, the Game would be decided immediately when Mikoto’s turn came around.
“Yes. The final draw. Draw the winning card and you win. Draw the losing card and you lose.”
Two cards remained.
If Shandy drew Cosplay Sex, Mikoto won.
If she drew Sweet Confession, Shandy won.
“I wonder which one you want me to draw.”
Shandy’s slender fingers moved back and forth over the two cards Mikoto held. Just when she seemed about to pinch the card on the right, she moved to the left, then back again. She stared so intently that it was as though she could bore a hole through the cards, trying to discern the slightest trace of movement Mikoto might inadvertently reveal.
“You’re proving quite a formidable opponent this time, Mikoto.”
“The best way a student can repay her teacher is to surpass her.”
“Honour to the pupil who surpasses the master. ‘Blue comes from indigo, yet is bluer than indigo.’1”
“I was born from your love, after all.”
Shandy let out a rueful little laugh.
“What an old-man joke. Is that embarrassment talking?”
“To be honest, I’d probably die of embarrassment if I didn’t make a dad joke or two.”
“Yes, I can tell from your face. Your ears are bright red, your eyes are darting about, and your breathing is ragged.”
The instant the fingertips touching the cards moved towards Mikoto’s ear—
“Mm…”
A sound escaped her.
“It seems your attention has wandered from the Game. What a novel form of poker face.”
Her dizzying consciousness was anchored by Shandy’s delighted voice.
She no longer cared who won the Game, or even which of the two cards was chosen. She wanted to be chosen herself, far more than she wanted either card in her raised hand. She wanted her words, her warmth, her fingertips, desperately.
“When I touch you, your body jumps. And you’ve been moving your hips repeatedly for some time now. What exactly is the intention behind that?”
Shandy pressed her with the blade of her words, as though she had discovered a weakness.
“You’re very observant, but unfortunately, it’s a bluff.”
“Even though your body is more honest than you are?”
“Would you like to find out?”
Only afterwards did Mikoto realise that her provocative challenge had turned into an invitation.
“What a lovely invitation.”
At once, Shandy broke the rules of Jiji-nuki. She turned over the face-down card she had removed at the beginning and revealed the losing card.
Cosplay Sex.
“So that’s it. No matter how this Game turns out, you win. That’s why you were able to keep your poker face.”
A Game with no loser and no winner, a Game in which Mikoto won either way.
“Now then. Which one shall I choose?”
Suddenly, Mikoto wanted to see Shandy lose her composure.
She wanted to entertain her. And precisely because of that, she wanted to defy her expectations.
She turned over the two cards she had been holding and showed them to Shandy.
“Take your time choosing, Shandy.”
“Eh…?”
Both cards were face-up.
On the right was the card that would make Shandy win: Sweet Confession.
On the left was the card that would make Mikoto win: Cosplay Sex.
Under ordinary circumstances, revealing the cards like this would be a forbidden move, forfeiting victory in an Jiji-nuki match. But because of the content of the forfeiture indicated by the losing card, this too became a Game of reading each other.
“I thought I’d let you choose who receives the forfeit.”
The composure that had graced Shandy’s face vanished in an instant. Faced with two playing cards whose identities were completely obvious, her fingertips froze. They would not move.
“T-this…”
The Jiji-nuki Game had been replaced by a new Game: deciding who would receive the Cosplay Sex forfeit. The loser would have to follow the card’s instructions, put on the lingerie, and entice the winner.
“…Very clever. I never thought you’d catch me off guard like that.”
It was Shandy’s turn. She had to choose one of the two cards.
If she prioritised victory and drew the winning card, Mikoto would be the loser and would have to entice her. But that would amount to ordering Mikoto to do it.
Shandy had promised that she would never make her wear it.
So Shandy had no choice but to choose the losing card.
“It seems you won’t love me if I become a puppet on strings who merely obeys your commands.”
Was she the one who wanted to entice, or the one who wanted to be enticed?
Did she want Mikoto to remain herself, or did she want to order Mikoto around?
This was a Game designed to drag out the feelings Shandy kept hidden behind that mysterious veil, forever covering up what she truly felt.
“……”
Shandy deliberated. Her cheeks had turned pink. Her fingertips trembled, and her beautiful amber eyes were clouded.
And more than anything else, for a woman who normally seemed to have been born with words already spilling from her mouth, no suggestive remarks or mischievous laughter came.
“…Um, could we just stop this Game?”
Her voice cracked, and Mikoto could not help laughing.
The winning card was the one she wanted to draw, but because she had made that promise, Shandy could not draw it.
Yet she did not want to draw the losing card herself and then put on the lingerie and entice Mikoto.
“Just choose one card and it’ll be over.”
“Ah, well… The alcohol’s gone to my head, and I’m getting sleepy…”
“If you leave Cosplay Sex for me, Shandy, you win, you know?”
“You know perfectly well I don’t want to draw it, yet you still say that. You’re such a tease.”
“Then I suppose you have no choice but to draw the losing card yourself?”
“No, that’s…”
“Because you don’t want to lose at Jiji-nuki?”
“Y-yes! That’s all! There’s nothing else to it!”
Shandy, flustered and suddenly incapable of disguising her words, was more adorable than anything.
Just getting to see the woman hiding behind that veil, so different from her usual self, had made these playing cards worthwhile.
I should buy Toko a particularly nice souvenir.
“If you want to stop the Game, that’s fine by me.”
“Y-yes. Thank you…”
“But…”
Ah. I see.
When they had been walking through the hot-spring town, Shandy had promised she would never make Mikoto put anything on. So she had kept that promise and never manoeuvered Mikoto into wearing the lingerie and enticing her.
As a result, she could not draw the winning card.
Which left her with only the losing card.
And yet Shandy had refused to draw it because she “didn’t want to lose”.
More than that, Shandy, who had never once stopped one of their Games before, had actually said, “Let’s quit.”
“You don’t really want to avoid losing, do you? You just don’t want to receive the forfeit. Is it that you don’t want to wear the lingerie, or perhaps…”
Shandy flinched as Mikoto drove the logic home.
“…you don’t want to entice me. Which, if you look at it the other way around, means… Shandy, you want me to entice you?”
“That’s sophistry! I couldn’t draw it because I made a promise, that’s all…”
“Tell me honestly. What did you really want?”
“I-I told you, I…”
“This is a Game. Whichever you choose, neither my trust in you nor my love for you will waver. Besides…”
Mikoto held out the winning card, Sweet Confession, before Shandy and told her:
“…this is my choice. I’m not being manipulated by you.”
Shandy kept her face lowered as she took the winning card.
She discarded its matching card onto the pile, then buried her face against Mikoto’s chest.
Shandy had won the Jiji-nuki Game.
But the result meant nothing to Mikoto.
“You win, Shandy. Would you please give me an especially sweet confession?”
“You really are…”
Mikoto laid Shandy down on the futon and stood up. Looking down at her, she saw a face so red that even alcohol could never have reddened it this much. A single tear slipped from her moist eyes.
She had stood up to change.
And to entice Shandy, who clearly wanted to be enticed, in a way that would make the intention unmistakable.
She untied her obi. She opened the front of her yukata, exposing her bare skin. She made sure Shandy could see her clearly, made sure she was enticing her.
“Mikoto…”
She undressed in front of her, stripping off her yukata and underwear as though putting herself on display. Then she reached for the black lingerie.
The sheer black organza concealed almost nothing. At first glance, it was difficult even to understand how to put it on. It was scarcely more than a collection of strings.
“Where’s my sweet confession, Shandy?”
Somehow, Mikoto managed to put on the lingerie. In the full-length mirror in the corner of the room, her reflection looked so indecent that being naked would have seemed healthier.
She was mortified beyond words.
She almost wished she could die.
Better yet, she wanted someone to kill her.
But for Shandy’s sake.
Because this was her own decision.
“Erm…”
Mikoto straddled Shandy’s waist. She hunched her back and leaned over her. Bringing their faces close together, she waited for the sweet confession.
“…Let me drink it. Please.”
With her head hazy, Mikoto realised she meant the aphrodisiac.
Neither of them needed an aphrodisiac in their current state.
Still, she reached for the little bottle she had left beside the pillow and opened it. A peculiar scent drifted into the air. She had no idea whether it would actually work, but if they could believe that it did, that was enough.
Sweet Confession was Mikoto’s turn.
“Then let’s taste it together.”
She took all of the bottle’s contents into her mouth.
Then came a kiss containing the bitter-sweet aphrodisiac. She slowly passed it along her tongue and into Shandy’s mouth, so that even lying on her back, Shandy could drink it.
“Mikoto…”
Their fingers traced over each other. Their bodies shuddered with every touch. Neither of them had any control over the force they used. Their nails dug into skin; the jutting bones of their hips pressed into each other.
Even those tiny injuries, even the pain, felt good.
Their bodies were already so heated that neither aphrodisiac nor foreplay was necessary. They soon melted together in utter abandon.
＊
It was a happy night.
Alice had finally found someone.
Someone different from the rabbits who persecuted Alice,
from the owls who took the rabbits’ side,
from the Hatter who taught her nothing but how to lie,
from the Queen and her playing-card soldiers who ruled the world.
And someone different from the Cheshire Cat.
Someone who would bring her happiness.
A Prince who was a little taller than her and indecisive,
but who would never, ever betrayed Alice.
The past had already been rewritten.
The Alice of the present was captivated by her Prince.
The two of them in the future would last forever.
Alice had found it.
The right to enjoy happiness.
The duty to love her Prince.
And
the preciousness of trusting someone.
＊
I awoke to the brightness before dawn leaking through a gap in the curtains.
I had fallen asleep with nothing against my skin, and my body was cold. She was lying on her stomach, darkened marks of love on her neck, red scratches across her back.
I thought I had gone too far.
But there were equally clear marks around my own chest and ribs.
Those scars of love were precious to me.
Precious, but my legs would barely support me. My head was spinning. We had come here to let our hair down and heal, yet the absurd result was that we would return even more exhausted than before.
The irony made me laugh.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
The sweet confession that had finally emerged from the bottom of my heart, delayed until now, left my lips.
I put on my yukata and cardigan, then quietly slipped out of the room without waking her. My geta clattered against the ground as I walked through the hot-spring town, wrapped in the mist of early morning.
The air I breathed in was damp. Even though it was early spring, the altitude was high, and the morning air was almost as cold as midwinter. I slightly regretted going out dressed in nothing but a yukata and cardigan.
But no matter how cold my body became, my core remained warm.
The rain of kindness she had showered upon me had melted my frozen heart cleanly away.
So I no longer needed the past.
At last, I could fire a silver bullet into the demon that had pursued and tormented me.
The ring she had given me, dull silver on my ring finger, was made of silver.
Silver was a metal that warded off evil, and this was a treasure worth more to me than all the gold and silver sand in the world.
“I came here to say goodbye.”
At the end of my wandering, I arrived at a suspension bridge spanning the gorge.
I stood in the middle and made sure no one was around. All I really knew about the height above the Kinugawa flowing below was that if I fell, I would certainly die.
Which made it perfect.
There was nowhere better to kill these feelings.
I rummaged through the pocket of my cardigan and took out the ring from my past.
A simple platinum design.
Engraved upon it were the words that had been meant to seal a vow.
—C to C 20171124
“Goodbye, Cheshire.”
I clenched the platinum ring and swung my arm.
In the morning sunlight that had just risen, it glinted faintly.
I followed the beautiful parabola of the ring as it flew through the air, but only for an instant.
The sound of the wind.
The sound of branches rustling.
Amid the raging torrent of the Kinugawa below, there was no way I could hear the sound of the ring hitting the water.
It was as though it had simply been swallowed up by the damp, chilly air.
I hoped that was what had happened.
“Shandy!”
Amid the sounds of nature, the person I loved called my name.
Perhaps frightened by the suspension bridge, she gripped both ropes as she approached, walking across it with terrified little steps.
Last night, she had been such a Prince, such a gentleman.
But with the dawn, the magic of stretching herself had worn off, and she had become an adorable girl again.
I loved both sides of her.
And because I loved her, I wanted to tease her.
I could only shake my head at my own mean streak, but I knew no other way to love her, and she accepted even this side of me.
She forgave me.
She trusted me.
“Oh my, are you frightened of suspension bridges? It’s built sturdy enough, so there’s no need to worry. Look, even if I shake it like this—”
“Eek! Eeeek!? S-stop!?”
She collapsed onto the bridge, desperately clutching the ropes and screaming.
Cowardly, vain, unreliable, indecisive.
And yet kinder than anyone.
The person who, perhaps—
No.
The person who absolutely trusted me more than anyone else.
My beloved.
Now, I could believe that.
“Shall we have an early-morning bath before breakfast? It’s colder than I expected, and I’ve gone rather chilly. Come now, get up.”
“I-if you say so, then stop shaking it!?”
“Hehe. Haven’t you ever wanted to experience the suspension-bridge effect at least once?”
“You’re not supposed to do it on an actual suspension bridge!”
“Ah! I think I’m starting to fall in love with you, Mikoto! The more the bridge sways, the more I seem to love you! The suspension-bridge effect is terrifying!”
“Stooooop!”
Kurosu Mikoto.
I love you.
-
The original plays on a pun between 藍 (ai, “indigo”) and 愛 (ai, “love”), which are pronounced identically. The classical proverb “青は藍より出でて、藍より青し” (“blue comes from indigo, yet is bluer than indigo”) is the source of the idiom 出藍の誉れ, “the honor of surpassing one’s teacher” — the student (blue) has grown to surpass the teacher (indigo) who produced her. Mikoto’s reply swaps ai (indigo) for ai (love). ↩