Episode Three: I Want to Be Held —May 2033—

By Friday afternoons, an unexpectedly large number of students had started attending the study sessions.

Seeing pupils tackling their studies voluntarily was heartening and fulfilling, but with lessons now split into two fifty-minute periods, my fatigue had simply doubled.

“I’m knackered…”

But even if I thought it, I made a point of never saying it out loud at school.

The current “I’m knackered” had been uttered by Uehara-san, who had collapsed face-down on her desk after confirming the other students had left the classroom following the second session’s study group.

“Two people at my part-time job fell ill, so it couldn’t be helped, but four days in a row is rough. And I’ve got tomorrow too…”

　She’d said she’d quit once she reached third year, yet Uehara-san still drags on, persuaded to stay. Having both her time and energy drained is terribly detrimental to her studies.

“…If this keeps happening, shall I speak to the manager myself?”

“Hehe, you’re overprotective, aren’t you, Sensei? It’s fine, I can tell him myself. Besides, the owner’s been incredibly kind to me, so I want to be useful even if it means pushing myself a bit.”

　Uehara-san values duty and obligation. Personally, I find it a commendable trait, but I held my tongue, fearing telling her so might push her to overdo it.

“…I see. Well then, do tell me if you get into trouble.”

“Aye, thanks, Sensei. Haa… Still, getting this knackered after just four days in a row… I suppose I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“You’re perfectly young enough. Incidentally, it’s best to avoid such remarks in front of women older than yourself, as it’s highly likely to cause friction.”

I wasn’t warning her because it bothered me. I’d once said something similar in front of Hisako-san myself and received a severe lecture for it.

“I know. I said it on purpose.”

Seeing Uehara-san smile mischievously like a naughty child, I sighed. Unlike me, she seemed to be a deliberate offender.

“If that had been Hisako-san just now, I reckon she’d have given you a chop to the head.”

“Ahaha, scary! Seeing a fresh new student like that just made me want to be a bit self-deprecating.”

Leaning lazily against her desk, Uehara-san looked up at me with a question in her eyes.

“…Hey, Sensei, is that girl a Year 1, Class 2 student?”

“Which girl?”

“The girl with medium-length black hair. She seems quiet but pretty.”

The description was too subjective to pinpoint anyone, but Ogata-san came to mind.

“You mean Ogata-san? Well, yes, she’s in my class… Is there something about her?”

“Hmm, so she is in your class. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… But Sensei, are you close with her?”

“To say we’re close would be a misrepresentation.”

“But you’ve been together a lot lately. What are you two doing?”

Was it really that noticeable just talking to a student? I thought about saying I was just giving her advice, but Ogata-san had asked me to keep it confidential.

“I can’t say. I have a duty of confidentiality.”

“Serious, aren’t you? Well, I suppose so. You are the teacher.”

If I were to tell Uehara-san about the worries Ogata-san is carrying, how would she respond? Surely she’d guide her to a solution with a clever approach I could never dream up myself.

Uehara-san herself says “Ryoka is the only friend I truly confide in,” yet she has many friends. I suppose she’s mastered the skill of building friendships well.

　That likely stems from various factors, her skill at sensing others’ feelings, her knack for reading the room… But couldn’t she impart some sort of trick to Ogata-san too?

“…Sensei?”

“…Ah, sorry. I was lost in thought.”

“Was that about Ogata-san?”

“Well, yes.”

“…Oh come on, don’t think about other girls when you’re talking to me, alright?”

Uehara-san laughed it off jokingly, but remained slumped in her seat.

“Um… Are you really alright? Are you feeling unwell…”

As I voiced my concern, her large eyes fixed on me intently.

“I can’t move unless I’m hugged by my teacher.”

“What on earth are you talking about? Shall we head back soon?”

If she could joke about it, she must be alright. I tried to brush it off lightly as usual, but Uehara-san didn’t move.

“…Uehara-san?”

“I’m dead serious.”

Our eyes locked, and we stared at each other for a while.

　I was desperately trying to gauge her intentions, and she seemed to be reading something from my reaction.

“…Are you troubled by something? Is it about the entrance exams? I want to help you as much as I can, so please talk to me if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Then I want you to hug me. No matter how much encouragement I get in words, a ten-second hug makes me happier.”

I was certain. …Uehara-san was strange.

　Was it studying too hard? Had she clashed with her mother again over the entrance exams?

Her gaze was so earnest, fixed straight on me, that I couldn’t move. A look of resolve shone in her eyes.

—Could I look away from her feelings now? Even though I knew doing so would definitely hurt her?

　If just holding her for ten seconds could steady her spirit, give her the resolve to study hard and face her exams, shouldn’t I help?

I drew breath and exhaled. I tried to justify it to myself as fulfilling a student’s request.

“Please sit up.”

At my words, Uehara-san obeyed obediently, as if expecting something. Approaching her, I consciously softened my voice and opened my arms.

“Come here.”

Our gazes met. My heartbeat quickened to a level I could count on one hand in my entire life. The act of willingly embracing a student to my chest threatened to overwhelm me with an indescribable sense of transgression and tension.

Still seated, Uehara-san wrapped her arms around my waist. With her face buried in my stomach, I couldn’t see her expression.

　Yet, however improper my own feelings might be, my desire to cherish her now, this Uehara-san who seemed different, who seemed to crave my warmth, remained unchanged.

Striving to treat her as the most precious thing in the world, I stroked her lustrous hair as if combing it, then gently cradled her head in my embrace.

Being so close, I could smell her far more distinctly than usual.

　Because I was touching her directly, her softness and warmth came through with such vivid clarity.

That summer holiday night, when I stroked her head in response to Uehara-san’s clingy request, brought up different emotions entirely.

That night, I still harboured no special feelings for Uehara-san.

But now, it’s different.

　The more time we spent together, the more I came to know her.

Within me, her presence had swollen to such immense proportions. As a teacher, as an adult, it was a feeling so forbidden it caused me to wrestle with conflict.

…No. I should have steeled my heart and refused her. It was never an act I should have been careless enough to commit.

Another breakwater within my heart had been breached. My reason rallied with all its might, warning me that if nothing stopped me from acting on her affection, I’d have no restraint left. I absolutely had to hold back here.

“…Uehara-san, it’s about time…”

I spoke, almost as if to convince myself.

“…Yes.”

Slowly, as if reluctant to part, Uehara-san pulled away from me. She kept her eyes downcast and said nothing.

　Had my actions truly satisfied her heart? Had they given her strength to persevere from tomorrow?

“…Are you alright?”
“…I’m not alright.”
“…I’m… sorry. I wasn’t good enough…”
She must have sensed how wildly my heart was pounding, having been in such close contact. …Perhaps I should have held her with more mature composure.

　Just as I was feeling shocked at failing to meet her expectations,

“This… this is bound to become a habit, isn’t it?! It’s dangerous, you know! What if I become so dependent on you I can’t live without you?”

Saying this, Uehara-san dramatically, jokingly, made a gesture of hugging her own body.

“Wh-what are you talking about? If you’re satisfied, let’s go home now. You’ve got studying to do, Uehara-san.”

Even I, being rather thick-skinned, noticed how deliberate she was being, but I played along as she wished.

“Right then. I’ve just remembered I’ve got something urgent to do, so I’ll leave it here for today. Bye, sensei! See you later!”

Uehara-san, who usually would have lingered, chatting aimlessly and trying to walk home with me, left quickly.

　Even after her footsteps faded completely, I remained frozen. …I thought again. As a teacher, hadn’t that been the worst possible response?

A child who seemed downcast, distressed, clearly not herself, had voiced a request of her own accord.

So I responded. Because she… because the student wanted it, I committed an act utterly incompatible with the teacher-student relationship.

—And I must admit it.

　When I held her, I harboured improper desires.

No matter the reason, I had resolved that as long as I was the teacher and Uehara-san was the pupil, this relationship must never be compromised.

I stood frozen in the empty classroom. I needed time to clear my head.

No reason, no excuse matters. Nor are they needed.

I cannot condone this feeling. Absolutely not.