Episode 113: New Year’s Eve (1)

31st December.

Every year, this day is a day spent alone.

I should have gotten used to it by now, yet somewhere deep down, I still feel as though I haven’t.

The streets are almost deserted, yet every house has its lights on, and I feel as though I can hear voices and laughter that shouldn’t be there.

Perhaps I was wrong to go out after all.

　I swing gently on the swings in my favourite park.

　Unsurprisingly, there isn’t a soul in the park either.

　I clench the scarf Takizawa gave me tightly.

　I haven’t seen Takizawa since the Christmas party. I regret that things ended on a sour note with her that day.

　It’s only been five days, but it feels as though it’s been a month.

‘I wish New Year’s Eve would just disappear.’

I haven’t bought any New Year’s soba this year either. Every year on this day, I go to bed around ten o’clock, have a lie-in the next morning, and if I feel like it, I go to the shrine for the first visit of the year.

Most people go back to their family homes, and I suppose the majority spend the time with their grandparents, parents and siblings. I could have gone back to my grandparents’ house too, but they’re so considerate of me that it actually makes me feel a bit suffocated.

　I hopped off the swing and decided to head home.

When I got home and had finished my bath, it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet, so it was a bit too early to go to bed.

With nothing else to do, I went upstairs to study in my room. In this empty house, the only sound I could hear was the sound of my own footsteps on the stairs. Even the most ordinary things felt exaggerated, which only served to dampen my spirits further.

　I sat down at my desk to study, but I just couldn’t get into it, so I leaned back against my bed.

‘I wonder what Takizawa is up to…’

　Takizawa has had her share of family issues.
　It seems things have improved a little, but I don’t know the details.

　I wonder what sort of New Year’s Eve Takizawa has spent in previous years.

　Judging by what I’ve heard so far, I can’t imagine her having a happy time with her family. It’s not that I want her to be unhappy, but I found myself wondering if Takizawa was spending New Year’s Eve feeling much the same as I am.

　Whenever I have a spare moment, I’m always thinking about Takizawa.

　Even when I try not to think about her, the moment I let my guard down, she pops into my mind.

“Sigh… This won’t do. I have to study…”

　With that in mind, I picked up my mechanical pencil, but it felt so heavy, as if it had a weight attached to it, that I couldn’t move it.

　As I stared blankly at the ceiling, my phone suddenly rang.

　Who on earth could it be at a time like this…?

　Mai isn’t the sort to ring at a time like this, and the friends I was close to until my second year certainly wouldn’t be getting in touch now.

　I dragged myself up to look at my mobile, and there, displayed on the screen, was a name I couldn’t believe.

‘Takizawa?!’

　Why’s she calling?

Is there some urgent business on a day like this?
Why?
Why?

A flood of questions came to mind, but thinking I had to answer quickly before the call dropped, I held the phone to my ear without a second thought.

“Hello… what’s up?”

I answered tentatively, fearing there might be some bad news.

“Endo, are you free right now?”
“Y-yeah…”
“What were you doing?”
“I was thinking of doing some studying, but I couldn’t concentrate.”
“Why?”

I couldn’t bring myself to say that I’d been feeling lonely, swept up in the New Year’s Eve atmosphere, and had been thinking about Takizawa. Still, just hearing Takizawa’s voice made me feel as though my gloomy mood had lifted just a little.

“I was thinking about how much I wanted to see Takizawa, and suddenly studying didn’t matter anymore.”
“You’re an idiot.”

That kind of ordinary exchange feels like happiness right now, and I start thinking of topics to draw the moment out as long as I can. I’m usually such a talker, but at times like this the words refuse to come, and I start to feel flustered.

　Come to think of it, I’ve been hearing a voice from outside for a while now.

　It’s strange, as there’s hardly anyone out and about on a day like this, so I peeked outside through the curtains.

A pounding sound fills my head.

Why……?

‘I’ve been spotted—’

My eyes meet Takizawa’s as she puts on a show of being startled.

Why……?

‘Takizawa……?’
‘Weren’t you looking forward to seeing me?’

Her voice sounds a little annoyed, and I snap out of my daze.

Without even hanging up the phone, I fling my mobile onto the bed and rush downstairs.

When I opened the front door, Takizawa was standing right there.

The person I’d been longing to see was right in front of me, and I couldn’t help but throw my arms around her. Takizawa’s body felt a little cold, and I worried about how long she’d been out there.

“Endo-san, I can’t breathe.”

　There in front of me was Takizawa, wearing a scarf that matched mine, looking slightly breathless. I knew I should have shown her inside first, given how cold it was, but I was too curious to hold back.

‘Takizawa, why…?’
‘I just fancied some New Year’s soba for a change. I can’t make it at home because I’d get in my family’s way, so I came to borrow your kitchen. Eat with me?’

It was so cold outside it looked as though it might snow, yet I felt a burning heat deep within me.

‘Can I come in?’
Yeah.’

When I showed Takizawa inside, she began speaking as she took off her shoes in the hall.

‘I’ve brought some for your mum and dad too.’

Saying that, Takizawa washed her hands in the bathroom and then went straight to the family altar. She offered the soba and clasped her hands in prayer.

My heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

“Right, there’s still time until twelve, so I’ll stu…”

Takizawa was saying something as she stood up, but none of it mattered anymore. Right there in front of my father and mother, I pulled her into my arms.

“Endo-san…?”

I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry, Dad.

“Takizawa, I’ve missed you—”

I simply couldn’t hold back my feelings any longer.
And just like that, I took her lips.

　I’m the worst.

Takizawa acts like this for the sake of my family, yet I completely ignore her wishes and opinions.

“Endo-san, we’re in front of your mum and dad, aren’t we? You idiot…”

　Having done such a terrible thing to Takizawa, she pulled me by the arm and led me into the living room.

“What’s wrong, Endo-san? You’re acting strange today.”

　Takizawa was putting the soba she’d bought away in the fridge.

　My agitated emotions calmed slightly as I touched her, and I began to reflect on my impulsive behaviour.

“I’m sorry. I never expected to see you… Today’s my day alone…”

　Takizawa gently sat me down on the sofa, as I’d dropped my head. She turned on the telly and sat down right next to me.

‘……I was alone every year too. There were people in the house, but I’d just shut myself away in my room.’

　A special end-of-year programme was on the telly.
　Takizawa was staring straight at the screen.
　She’s a bit clumsy, but I suppose she’s trying to cheer me up in her own way.

　I leaned against her shoulder and took her hand without asking.

‘Don’t just do things like that.’
‘It’s your fault for letting me be kind to you.’
‘You’re not being kind, and it’s not my fault.’
‘Well then, I’ll do whatever you say, so please forgive me for now.’
‘I don’t really want you to do anything right now.’

Takizawa’s tone of voice had clearly dropped.
I gave up and let go of her hand.

Since I wasn’t told off for leaning on her shoulder, I decided to just stay close to Takizawa.

‘This programme’s been on since I was in primary school, but it’s still just as funny as ever, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Takizawa, what have you been up to today?’
‘Studying.’
‘Why did you come along?’
‘I told you just now.’
‘Did you want to eat soba?’
‘Yeah.’

It was such a typical Takizawa reason that I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“If you’re going to make fun of me, I’m going home.”
“I fancy some soba too. I haven’t had New Year’s Eve soba for ages.”

When I said that, Takizawa quietly stayed by my side. Perhaps because we hadn’t seen each other for a while, I found myself overflowing with the desire to talk to her more.

“Where did you buy the soba from?”
“I was walking through the shopping street earlier and an old lady from a soba shop called out to me, so I bought it there.”
“Hang on, weren’t you studying today?”

　Takizawa fell silent. Worried that I might have upset her again, I panicked and decided to change the subject.

“Is that soba from Tsuruta Soba, by any chance?”
“Yes, exactly. Do you know it, Endo-san?”

　That was the soba shop my family used to love.
　We liked it so much we’d go there at least once a month. We always ordered our New Year’s Eve soba from that shop.

　I haven’t eaten there at all since my parents passed away, nor have I seen the lady who ran the shop, whom I was so close to.

　You never know where the world’s connections lie—

“They’ve made a cup noodle exclusive to that soba shop, so they gave me a sample to try.”
“Takizawa, is that the one you placed on the family altar just now?”
“Yes.”

　I’d never done the simple thing of offering New Year’s Eve soba to Mum and Dad. I’d been so caught up in my own troubles, just struggling with the loneliness of spending this day on my own.

　Takizawa has such a warm heart; she’s kinder than anyone else.

　Once again today, I’m saved by Takizawa.

　She always pulls me out of the darkness when I’m feeling lonely. And she’s kind not just to me, but to my family too.

　What a wonderful person she is—

‘My mum and dad used to love the soba here, so I think they’d be absolutely delighted.’
‘What about you, Endo-san?’
‘Eh?’
‘Do you like the soba there, Endo-san?’
‘I used to love it too. It has such a gentle flavour, doesn’t it?’
‘I see.’
‘Shall we go and eat there together sometime?’

I’m sure she’ll say she won’t make a promise like that, telling me to go on my own.

“If I feel like it.”
“Eh…”

　Takizawa started watching the telly again. It didn’t look like she was going to turn towards me.

　Why is it that Takizawa is always so kind on days like this? Why doesn’t she treat me coldly on days like this?

　The shoulder touching Takizawa felt hot and throbbing, and time seemed to drag on.