Episode 59: 17 Years Old (1)

My second year at school passed without incident.
Well, not exactly without incident.

My life, in which I’d been thinking about dying, was drastically changed by one girl.

I feel like this year has been quite eventful, largely thanks to Endo-san. Making peace with my older sister, meeting all sorts of people, and the days spent studying with Endo-san.

Each of these events had a profoundly positive impact on me.

　Endo-san really is like a magician.
She creates opportunities right around me, and I pick them up. Thanks to those opportunities, I think I’ve become a brighter person than before, and above all, I feel less suffocated by life.

Being with Endo-san warms my heart.
There have been many times when I’ve found myself wanting to lean on Endo-san, who gently wraps her arms around me, someone who’s always been alone until now.

　I feel I can trust Endo-san a little.
I wonder when I started thinking that.

Endo-san is different from my family.

Around the same time these changes began to take place in my heart, Endo-san started acting strangely.

I asked her several times why, but she wouldn’t tell me the reason. Even though it was just that, my mood dropped considerably, and a strong, unpleasant feeling arose within me.

　Since Christmas, Endo-san has looked just as she always does.
But something is different.
I felt as though there was an invisible wall between us.

The third-year students have graduated, and we’ve become third-years ourselves.
Minami-chan, the student I tutor, successfully passed the entrance exam for my high school and has now officially become my junior.

　The spring holidays, which I always felt were so long, flew by in the blink of an eye.
　Exam revision, my tutoring job, study sessions with Endo-san, sewing practice, and so on. It might be more fulfilling than having nothing to do, but as I lack stamina, it’s often quite a struggle.

　Furthermore, around this summer, my sister and I spoke with our parents about our future. University, what lies ahead. Just thinking about it makes me feel gloomy, but since I’ve decided to do it, I suppose I have no choice but to do my best.

　Recently, I’d been sensing a certain distance between us, but Endo-san got in touch right at the start of the spring break.

She asked if I was free on the 26th of March.

I am free.

However, I absolutely hate the idea of meeting Endo-san on that day.

Because it’s my birthday.

Up until now, as it’s during the spring break, my friends never celebrate it with me, and as for my family celebrating it, that’s never happened. Why on earth did she have to pick that exact day?

　I’ve never told Endo my birthday, so it must just be a coincidence.

I don’t think of my birthday as anything special, but precisely because I don’t, I found the idea of filling that day with plans a bit of a chore.

Sigh… It’s a day I usually spend studying.
I’d intended to do the same this year.

However, as I had no reason to refuse, I ended up agreeing to hang out with Endo that day.

　＊＊＊

‘Hoshizora-san, will you still be my tutor once I’m in high school?’
‘Are you sure you want me to?’
‘Yes! Your teaching style is so easy to understand, I’d really like you to continue.’
She looks at me with teary eyes.

‘Of course. I’ll have a word with your mum about it.’

‘Yay!’

Minami-chan is so sweet and honest.

　I wish Endo-san were this straightforward too.
No, I do think Endo-san is straightforward.
It’s just that I’m not being honest with her.

I hate myself for being like this.

Even though I haven’t seen her recently, all I can think about is Endo-san.
Will this unpleasant feeling disappear if I see Endo-san?

I wish this uneasiness in my chest would go away soon.

　＊＊＊

On the day of her birthday, we were due to meet at the station at half past nine.
Thinking it was early, I dragged my heavy body out of bed, got ready and left the house.

Even though I was ten minutes early, Endo-san was already waiting.
Endo-san is always waiting before I arrive.
I’m amazed and wonder just how many minutes early she’s actually been there.

Unusually, Endo-san was wearing jeans, with a jumper tucked in and a long coat over the top.
　And although it had warmed up a bit, it was still cold enough to need a scarf, so she was wearing the one I’d given her.

I’d given her that scarf at Christmas, thinking it would suit her, and she’d been wearing it every day, even when we studied together at the weekend.

I found myself feeling a little fond of her.

I was glad that she’d taken such good care of the gift I’d given her. That scarf must be a lucky one too.

　Watching her from a distance, she must have spotted me, because she came running towards me.

It’s like a dog coming to its owner.

‘If you’re here, Takizawa, you should’ve said hello!’
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s fine. you’re wearing a dress today. It suits you.’
‘Thanks.’
Endo-san compliments whatever I’m wearing, so I try not to take it too seriously. After that conversation, we headed for the station.

　Is Endo-san trying to buy a train ticket?

‘Aren’t we just going to wander around the station today?’
‘No. There’s somewhere I want to take you today, Takizawa.’
‘I didn’t hear that.’
‘I didn’t say it.’
‘Endo-san, you’re being a bit cheeky today.’
‘Maybe it’s because I’m happy to see you, Takizawa.’

Endo-san laughed, giving a reason I couldn’t quite make sense of. Well, I thought, as long as Endo-san is smiling, it’s fine, so I decided to go along with her.