Episode One Hundred and Fourty-Two

Because — of course it was because she mattered to me.
Because she is precious.
To the point where our gazes might become hopelessly tangled.

“Ibara.”

“No.”

“Ibara, listen to me.”

I seized her wrist and pressed my forehead against hers.
A solid thud echoed. Our gazes met at a distance where our lashes might touch.
　A tear glistened at the corner of her tawny eyes.

“No, you’re just going to say it’s for my sake. That’s a lie. Definitely a lie.”

“It’s not.”

She shook her head, rubbing her forehead against mine.

“That’s not it. It’s not for Ibara’s sake.”

That’s right. This proposal wasn’t for Ibara’s sake.

“I want you to distance yourself a little, for my sake.”

“…What?”

I cup her cheeks between my hands. The smooth sensation travelled to my fingertips; its softness felt so pleasant I didn’t want to pull away.
Still, I resisted the impulse and continued.

“You’re right, Ibara. If we keep living together like this, I know I won’t be able to hold back forever.”

“It’s fine with me if you do.”

“Then I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. And besides—”

Saying the next words made me feel embarrassingly shy.
But I said them anyway.

“I think I’d fall apart.”

“What would?”

“I mean. ……Getting my freelance work off the ground, your entrance exam prep, all of that — I think I’d end up putting it all aside and just losing myself in you. Going independent after failing because of nothing but that — I really couldn’t laugh that off.”

　Ibara’s blank expression gradually gave way to understanding.
Simultaneously, her cheeks, illuminated by the nightlight, flushed crimson.
Her small mouth opened and closed.
The palm touching me felt hot.
My face was probably just as red.
Glaring up at me, Ibara said.

“…What was that? Shigure-san, you… perv.”

“Ngh.”

“See? You really are a succubus, aren’t you? Even though you’re not even in puberty. You’re an adult, yet you’re far too lewd. You say you’re scared of losing yourself? What’s that about? It’s weird. Because, that means… that means…”

She looked up at me with moist eyes.

“Do you like me that much?”

“Yes.”

I don’t believe the mere desire to touch someone is the only form of love, affection, or connection.
Even so, I want to touch this girl.
Almost certain I’ll drown in it, yet unable to let go.

“…Perv.”

“I don’t deserve to be called that by someone who gropes me in a place like this.”

“Fair enough.”

A hot breath touched my lips.

“I understand. I feel the same way.”

Though I almost flinched from that heat, I pressed on.

“That’s why. Right now, I think we need to hold back. Both of us. Especially if Ibara can sleep alone.”

“…Yeah.”

　Good. She nodded obediently.
This meant I could reveal my other true feelings.

“For now, I want you to think only about yourself. Your future path and your entrance exams.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

“…Yeah.”

“I only ever applied to art school, so I probably won’t be much help, but you can talk to me about anything.”

“Mm.”

“…So.”

So.

“After this trip, we won’t see each other for a while. Half a year… until after your exams.”

Saying it out loud felt heavy, like a weight pressing down.
Like a lead ball had been sunk into the bottom of my heart.
Even so.

“Is that alright?”

Naturally, there was no immediate reply.
The borrowed geta scraped against the gravel ground, making a hard, sharp sound.
The thorns of doubt were palpable, achingly so.
But surely she understood. She knew.
　That we have a future ahead of us.
What is necessary for that.
That in this world, which is no fairy tale, living happily ever after requires its share of patience and effort.

“It won’t be like that farewell before. I promise properly this time.”

“Will you come and fetch me?”

“I will.”

“──No. Actually, never mind. I’ll come and see you.”

“I see. That sounds good too.”

“So, promise me.”

Ibara’s hand pressed against the back of mine.

“If I study properly and get into my first-choice university…”

She pulled my hand. I leaned forward.
Ibara brought her lips close to my ear.
Her whispering voice tickled my eardrum.

“We’ll do lots of things.”

That was a bit much.
I gasped.
When I remained silent, she stared at me with flushed cheeks, her gaze urging an answer.
Lots of things, huh.
──Um.

“………………Yes.”

When I nodded awkwardly, Ibara’s face lit up.

“It’s a promise, you know. Since it’s a reward, you can make me do anything.”

“W-anything?”

“For example—”

Like a finishing blow, she whispered in my ear.

“⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎, for instance.”

“Eh?”

“And then, ×××××, and—like that.”

“H-hold on, Ibara?”

“△△△△, or ◎◎◎◎◎, and I’d like to try ▲▲▲ and ◻︎◻︎ too.”

“Wh-what—”

“We’ll have time after graduation, and Shigure-san can adjust her schedule too.”

“Wait, wait, wait!”

Honestly, all of that? That’s…
A bit too much, isn’t it?

“I won’t wait.”

Ibara grabbed my wrist and spun me round and round, dancing in the night’s shadows.
Circling. Swung about by centrifugal force, yet holding hands tightly.
Laughing brightly.

“I’m not waiting for you anymore!”

Bang!
Somewhere, the sound of fireworks bursting in the night sky echoed.