Episode 24: Concerning

Since the kissing incident, my study sessions with Takizawa have continued. She’s remarkably good at teaching, and my grades have improved astonishingly.

If I agree to one thing she asks, she’ll tutor me for about three hours.

But there’s a problem.
It’s about what Takizawa demands.

　At first, it was cute stuff like lending her my shoulder, but lately it’s different.

She’s shoved her finger down my throat, or told me to lend her my arm only to bite me.

I do whatever she says because it’s a promise, but I don’t quite like how she seems to enjoy it when I make a disgusted face.

What on earth am I to Takizawa?

Does she think I’m some sort of pet?

The more I think about it, the less I understand, and I just sigh.

　Occasionally, when I pass by Takizawa’s classroom, I see her playfully wrestling with Mai.
Towards me, Takizawa is capricious – sometimes affectionate, sometimes cold. No, mostly cold.

But with her friend Mai, she’s always open, like a cat begging to have its belly rubbed.

If only she treated me like she treats Mai…

　It’s only natural they’re close as friends; I do that sort of thing with my own friends too. Yet seeing them like that sometimes makes me want to interfere for no good reason.

“Could you call Mai over?”
“Oh my, Endo Hina-san! I’ll call her right away!”

A girl in Mai’s class hurriedly called her over.

My eyes met Takizawa’s in the back.

She immediately looked away, staring out the window.

　True, we’d agreed not to interact at school, but her blatant attitude made me feel a little sad.

“Hey there. What’s up? You’re the one talking to me, Hina.”
“It’s not ‘what’s up’. Don’t you have something to say to me?”
“Hmm? Oh! I’m glad the handouts got to Hoshizora safely.”
“I really wish you’d show more gratitude. Treat me to something today, won’t you?”
“Hina-san, is that extortion? Scary, scary. You two are both terrifying, matching with Hoshizora.”

Takizawa was talking about me too…? I wonder what they were saying, but asking Mai probably wouldn’t get me a straight answer.

Hoshizora Sora…

I want to be on first-name terms with her like Mai is. But my recent relationship with her feels worlds apart from Mai and Takizawa’s, and it makes me sad.

　During PE, I found myself glancing up at the rooftop.

Ever since I started interacting with Takizawa up there, it feels like I’ve been living a rather intense life.

I still haven’t been able to ask Takizawa why she was doing what she was doing on the rooftop back then.

No, perhaps it’s better not to ask. At least, if I don’t want to change our current relationship, I think it’s better not to ask.

My gut feeling tells me so.

　To me, it looked as though Takizawa was trying to die.

Why? I’ve wondered that countless times.

Since getting involved with Takizawa, I’ve gradually come to know her a little. Even so, I still don’t understand why she was up there.

The only thing that comes to mind is Takizawa’s family.

　The day I visited her when she stayed home sick, Takizawa’s mother’s expression changed the moment she heard Takizawa’s name.
She looked at me as though I were some kind of monster. And inside the house, Takizawa was holed up in her room, looking terrified.

Everyone has their own family issues.

I wouldn’t want to be asked about mine either.

So I decided not to ask anything myself, to wait until Takizawa felt ready to talk.

　As I pondered this, a figure appeared on the rooftop.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

That was Takizawa.

Why?

Again? Had something unpleasant happened?

My heart seemed detached from my body, beating wildly on its own.

I had to get to Takizawa quickly.
As I ran towards the rooftop, Akari and Nao stopped me.

“Where are you off to looking like that? It’s rare to see you with such a face.”

Akari cheerfully made such a remark.

“Sorry. Stomach ache.”
“Ah, stop it, sorry. I’ll give the teacher a plausible explanation!”

I told a rather embarrassing lie, but I didn’t care.

　I raced up from the first floor to the fourth in one go, gasping for breath. Without pausing to catch my breath, I flung open the rooftop door and grabbed Takizawa by the shoulder.

In a voice so frightening even I was startled, I demanded what she was trying to do.

Takizawa looked utterly bewildered, insisting she’d only been skiving off.

I knew there was no lie in her words.

Relieved, yet simultaneously disgusted by my own overprotective attitude towards Takizawa.

　Why did everything about Takizawa throw me off balance like this?
When it came to Takizawa, I couldn’t stay sane.

Having confirmed Takizawa was safe, I decided to return to PE.

＊＊＊

After school, the usual study session was held at my house.

Today, Takizawa seemed even more sullen than usual.

　He usually wears a sullen expression, but today it was particularly pronounced.

Was it because I’d spoken harshly to her on the rooftop? Or was there another reason? Before I could ask, it was time to listen to Takizawa’s instructions.

Lately, Takizawa seemed to take pleasure in seeing me in distress.

I couldn’t fathom her intentions at all.

I couldn’t understand, but I had no right to refuse.

I acted as she told me to.

　Does Takizawa not mind putting her finger in my mouth?

While pondering this, I accept everything she does.

Her slender, smooth finger enters my mouth. To soil such a beautiful finger with the slimy mess inside me. I feel apologetic and disgusted by what I’m doing, unable to smile as usual.

　Takizawa’s slender finger touched the depths of my throat.

The human body is well-made; it tries to expel foreign objects.

Takizawa’s finger entered a place my body couldn’t accept.

A reflexive cough emerged.

It’s painful… it hurts…

Looking at Takizawa, wondering what pleasure she could possibly derive from this, she seemed slightly pleased.

“Pervert.”

That word suited her best.
Yet it didn’t seem to register with Takizawa at all; she showed no sign of caring.

Soon, she’d likely give me an order that threatened my life.

There was no way I could obey such an order.

No… could I truly refuse?

I must refuse.

The fact I even hesitated over such a simple answer meant I was probably no different from Takizawa – a pervert myself.