Episode 36: Bonus - An Unfulfilled Love

Near the station, many people gather.

Those who have come shopping, those strolling about, those eating meals, those with friends, those with family, those with lovers.

I hurry towards the station, glancing sideways at both the happy-looking people and those who are not.

　There is someone I love so much, so very much, that I wouldn’t want to share them with anyone.

But I know we will never be together.

It’s not down to circumstances or conditions; it’s simply that the person I love would never fall for someone like me.

At the very least, if my own love remains unrequited, I wish for the person I love to find happiness.

　This summer was the moment the clock inside me started ticking again.

Not only did my sister, who had been withdrawn and disliked me, speak to me, but she asked me to teach her sewing.

I’m delighted, but I can’t fathom why she suddenly changed.

Since childhood, she’d been earnest, giving her all to everything, a straightforward child. But after our family relationships became complicated, she lost interest in everything and stopped taking anything seriously.

　Even so, I love my sister.

To be precise, perhaps it would be more accurate to say I loved her. She was pure, honest, kinder than anyone, and worked harder than most. Such a wonderful person had looked up to me.
I thought I could use my position as her older sister to stay by her side forever.

After our family changed, I thought I was enduring everything for Hoshizora’s happiness, but it seems that endurance only made her suffer more.

　Even as our family changed, even as circumstances changed, I should have chosen the path where Hoshizora and I could be happy. But I couldn’t choose it.

I lacked confidence in myself. Even I feared being abandoned by my parents.

I was terrified of losing everything.

I chose self-preservation.

Because of that, Hoshizora was hurt deeply.

I had chances to help her many times, but I was too afraid to change my own present situation, so I did nothing.

　I was simply a coward.

So I thought it was fine for things to stay as they were with Hoshizora.

But then, Hoshizora reached out to reconnect a bond that had once been severed.

It might not be about restoring our relationship as it was, but it’s an undeniable fact that I haven’t changed, while Hoshizora has.

A relationship that had once stopped moving has started moving again.

Why?

I understood the reason immediately.

　’Endo Hina’

There’s no doubt she changed Hoshizora.

I sensed it the first time we met in the library.

Hina-chan is similar to me, yet different. She’s the type who adapts to others, is sensitive to people’s emotional shifts, and navigates the world skilfully. What sets me apart from her is whether I can truly value myself – something a girl four years my junior taught me.

　Hina-chan must have been loved deeply by her parents. She probably still is. She can love herself because she was loved so much.

No… that’s just an excuse.

Even if no one else loves you, you have to love yourself at least. Making excuses and running away won’t change anything.

　I couldn’t escape Hina-chan’s direct gaze. She picked up the chances I’d let slip through my fingers time and again and handed them back to me.

“She really is an amazing girl…”

Seeing Hina-chan sparkling like that made me want to be mean to her. Next time we meet, I won’t just be mean; I want to get to know Hina-chan better.

Before cherishing my sister, perhaps I should try cherishing myself.

Face myself and live.

　As I pondered these things in my Shinkansen seat, a girl about the same age as Hoshizora sat down next to me.

She had a childish, cute face, blonde hair, and dressed like a university student.

“Are you heading to Tokyo too, big sister?”

“—Yes.”

Her eyes sparkled brightly.

“I’ve nowhere to stay tonight. Please let me stay at your place!”

　The baby-faced girl started saying strange things.

“Why on earth?”

“Please!”

She bowed deeply, drawing attention, so
I decided to let her sit down for now, saying, “Alright, sit quietly.”

“Thank you so much! My name is Abe Hikari! Nice to meet you!”

Hang on a minute. I wanted to think things through properly on the Shinkansen, but now I’m caught up in this incomprehensible situation.

　The girl beside me seemed delighted.

I dislike putting up strangers, but she seemed determined to follow me no matter what I said.

I gave up on making her give up.
I give up on so many things.
But perhaps this is just right for me.

I’ll just do what I can, bit by bit.

Gazing at the sunset through the Shinkansen window, I lost myself in thought.