Episode 37: Don’t You Want to Do Something Else?

On the sofa, between her legs is my very own special seat. While watching films in Yui-san’s arms, I idly hold her left hand, stroke it, and play with it.

The department store event hall bustles with chocolate this season. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.

　This major winter event, which should be a source of joy, has recently become a cause of worry for me.

This person, who is so popular she can’t help it, will undoubtedly receive a huge amount of chocolate.

And I found that, deep down, thoroughly unpleasant.

White, long fingers. Short nails with colour. I trace my fingers along her smooth knuckles, as if to confirm.

　Even though I’ve secured Yui-san’s ‘special’ status – despite her public declaration of never having a lover – each time these events roll around, I’m reminded of how fragile it feels.

Right now, I might be her ‘special’ one. But how long that lasts, I have no idea.

I understand that becoming lovers doesn’t guarantee the relationship will last forever.

　Breakups arrive unexpectedly anytime, and since same-sex marriage isn’t permitted in Japan yet, this relationship will always run parallel.

I wish I could say I’m happy just as things are, but there’s no guarantee Yui-san won’t change her mind.

Oh dear. I wish Valentine’s Day didn’t exist.
Even if I gave her mine, it’d surely get buried under mountains of chocolates from other girls.

　I don’t want her to accept any chocolates from anyone else…

If we were lovers, I could say it. “Please refuse them.”

Then I’d be the only one who could give you chocolates. Not just one among the crowd.

I could never say such a thing, even if my mouth split open, but I wish Yui-san would always understand my selfishness.

　I want to say it’s selfish because we’re not lovers. And I want her to laugh and forgive me for it. With that gentle smile, like always.

Her hand clasped mine back tightly. “Kanata,” a soft voice murmured in my ear, and I spun around, body and all.

Yui-san’s palm caressed my cheek. Her eyes met mine directly. Her hand came around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. Knowing she was going to kiss me, I closed my eyes.

Once, a gentle touch, then lips meeting again and again, shifting angles. Accepting her kisses had, at some point, become second nature.

The film was probably at a crucial moment. Yet, as the fervent kisses repeated, I felt the arms around my waist tighten with growing intensity. Unable to bear it, I pushed her shoulders to create distance.

“…Yui-san, this is taking a while…”

My lips parted abruptly, yet the arms holding me close showed no intention of letting go. Those dark eyes stared at me, unfathomably deep.

“Aren’t you going to watch the film…?”

Why had she suddenly kissed me? Just moments ago, Yui-san seemed completely absorbed in the film.

“Well… you looked bored. Thought maybe we should do something else.”

Hearing that, I flinched.

I wasn’t bored. I’d been watching the film properly, bits and pieces. I understood the story, sort of.
I’d just been distracted by my own thoughts sometimes.

Did she think I wasn’t interested because I started playing with her hand?

Yui-san really is perceptive. She immediately sees through me when I’m not concentrating.

But then again, her kissing me as that ‘something else’ is so typical of Yui-san, I suppose.

“It’s not that I was bored…”

“Oh? Then shall we watch something else?”

Yui-san’s left hand reached for the remote. I caught it, gripping it tightly to stop her.

It’s not that I need to watch something else. Whatever we watch, I’ll probably stay the same today.

Holding her hand, I looked straight into her eyes. Her long lashes fluttered repeatedly.

Pulling Yui-san’s startled hand, I fixed it once more on my waist.

I want to keep Yui-san away from Valentine’s Day somehow. If only I could lock her in this house, isolate her from the other girls.

　To do that, she’d have to like me more. I wanted her to become so utterly captivated by me that she’d have no room left to look at anyone else.

“…Actually, I’ll do something else.”

“Eh?”

Even though she’d said it herself. Yui froze for a moment, clearly not expecting me to say such a thing.

Her gaze searched for the meaning behind my words. Perhaps I should have been more direct.

I grabbed the front of her white hoodie, the one she wore around the house, and pulled it tight.

“…Are you saying you want me to kiss you?”

When I said it clearly like that, she finally seemed to understand. Yui’s eyes widened slightly, looking startled.

Then, without a moment’s pause, she flipped me over and pressed my back into the sofa.

　She bit down on my lips, and I clung to her, pulling her neck closer.

Just look at me. Promise me properly. Swear to God you won’t love anyone but me, please.

Unlike the girls Yui-san plays with, I can’t just compartmentalise things so easily.

　As the kiss stole my breath, sending shivers through my body and clouding my mind, a cold sensation on my stomach made me gasp and pull away.

“H-hold on, Yui-san…!”

A mischievous hand was slipping beneath my loungewear. It was nearly at my chest when I frantically pushed it away.

“What is this hand doing…!”

“…No?”

If I loosened my grip, it would only encourage further intrusion. I clutched the hand tightly through my clothes.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“The film’s boring, isn’t it? Don’t you want to do something else?”

Just because the film was dull, how did that lead to suggesting sex?

　Kissing was fine. I’d already allowed that far, so it couldn’t be helped.

But sex was out of the question. This was the last line of defence. We weren’t even dating, so doing that… felt wrong.

“I did say kiss me, but I didn’t say I wanted you to go that far…”

When I said that, Yui frowned, looking distinctly displeased.

“…Kanata, when you kiss like this, don’t you ever feel like having sex?”

Huh? I let out a startled gasp and froze. Asking if I ever feel like it? How could I possibly answer that?

　I do think kissing Yui-san feels good. It makes my stomach feel warm, even.

I like you so much I can hardly stand it myself, so I know that sort of thing is a physiological reaction and can’t be helped. But telling Yui-san that would be far too embarrassing.

If I said I did feel like it, I genuinely feared she’d never stop.

“What about you, Yui-san?”

Desperately, I replied with a question. Because I didn’t know what else to say.

“I… I want to. I want to touch you more, Kanata.”

Hearing her say that so simply, I couldn’t look straight at her as she pressed herself against me. My whole body grew hot. I felt like I might burst into flames.

“…What kind of… feeling is that? Touching me doesn’t make you feel good, does it, Yui-san?”

“A girl’s body feels good just to touch. Especially if it’s someone you like.”

If it’s someone you like, huh. Right. The words of someone who’s held someone they like. I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. I know it’s pointless to be jealous of someone from the past.

“Hmm…”

I stroked her silky black hair, tucking a stray strand behind her ear and tracing the edge of it with my fingertip.
After brushing against her earring, I pulled her close, wrapping my arms tightly around her neck, and pressed my lips to her ear.

“…You’d take any girl, wouldn’t you? You idiot, Yui. You lecher. Womaniser.”

Saying that, I bit down a little harder on her earlobe. I thought I heard her say “Ow!”, but I immediately released the arms holding her close and pushed Yui’s shoulders away.

“No. I don’t do that sort of thing with people I’m not dating.”

After stating that clearly, Yui-san hung her head dejectedly. Reluctantly, she moved off me, though she didn’t seem entirely convinced.

“…I don’t actually think anyone will do, you know.”

Yui-san sighed softly while stroking the ear I’d bitten.

“…So does that mean all the girls you’ve been with until now were special?”

That wasn’t exactly flattering. I sat up abruptly, pouting as I said it, and Yui shook her head from side to side.

“Of course not. I’ve never forced anyone I didn’t like to sleep with me.”

“Really?”

“Why would I lie about that?”

True enough, but still.

　Still, it really gets on my nerves that this person would get tempted by cute girls’ invitations.

“…Valentine’s Day. How many chocolates do you get every year, Yui-san?”

At this sudden question, Yui-san’s eyes widened.

“Eh? Valentine’s?”

“Yui-san, how many chocolates did you get last year?”

When I asked again, she let her gaze wander as if thinking, so it was easy to imagine she’d received more than she could recall offhand.

That number of chocolates is probably the number of women you’ve been with, right?

“…I don’t think I’ve received that many.”

Since she was lying so transparently, I reached out and gave her cheek a firm pinch.
　It hurts, Yui-san protested, but I didn’t care.

“Liar. You’ve received so many, you can’t answer how many, can you?”

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.

I vowed firmly within myself to eat every single chocolate Yui-san received.

Yui-san isn’t that fond of sweets anyway, so just the chocolates from me will be plenty.