Episode 42: Impatience
“I…”
The words catch in my throat.
I’ve never thought of it as suffocating.
If anything, every time Honoka needs me, I feel reassured.
Because it lets me feel, more than anything, that I’m loved.
But—
“…Honoka — can you actually be happy, going on like this?”
Before I knew it, the words had slipped out.
Just as Honoka wants me, I want Honoka too.
But whether that’s really happiness for Honoka—
I don’t know the answer to that.
“…What’s that supposed to mean?”
Honoka’s brow furrows, bewildered.
“Why would you even ask something like that…? As long as I have Yuna, that’s all I need…”
“But Honoka, just me talking with someone else was enough to make you like this…”
“Because that’s—!”
Honoka’s fingers grip my arm harder still.
“I’m scared, of Yuna not looking only at me anymore…!”
Her voice was trembling.
Hearing it, I catch my breath.
— I understand.
I understand that feeling, painfully well.
I didn’t want to hand Honoka over to anyone either.
That’s why I bound her.
I would have done anything, to stay together always.
But was that really the right thing—?
“Hey, Yuna-chan.”
Shiori looks straight at me.
“If things go on like this, and you keep accepting Shiraishi-san the way you have been — what do you think happens?”
“What do you mean, happens…”
“Shiraishi-san’s dependency is just going to keep accelerating.”
“…!”
“You already understand that, don’t you, Yuna-chan? That’s exactly why you put some distance between you before, isn’t it?”
“…”
I caught my breath.
— That’s right.
Honoka had told me she wanted “just a little freedom,” and it had hurt.
And even so, thinking of what was best for her, I’d decided to keep my distance.
But it hadn’t lasted long.
Neither of us could bear the loneliness, and we went right back to how things were.
— Did we actually change anything, from that?
“You two putting distance between you didn’t change anything from how things were before.”
Shiori’s words cut in, sharp.
“Didn’t you just end up wanting each other even more fiercely than before, in the end?”
“…”
“Simply keeping some distance didn’t mean anything. Which is why, this time, you should properly ‘break up.’”
“…!”
“Breaking up doesn’t mean cutting each other off forever. It means making time for you both to calm down, and to actually face each other properly.”
Shiori’s voice was calm.
— Am I really making Honoka happy?
“Shiori…”
A hoarse voice slipped out of me.
Shiori smiled gently.
“If you’ve noticed it, then think it over. What would actually be the greatest happiness for Shiraishi-san.”
Shiori’s words spread slowly through the depths of my chest.
In that moment, Honoka’s arm gripped my hand tight.
As if desperately holding onto something about to slip away—
“—Shut up.”
A low, sharp voice rang out.
Startled, I looked at Honoka.
Her expression was a tangle of anger and anxiety, glaring at Shiori.
“Don’t say things that make Yuna waver!”
There was clear impatience bleeding through her voice.
“We’re going to stay together like this, forever! That’s how it should be!”
I looked at Honoka’s face.
Her expression was soaked through with anxiety and impatience.