Episode 127: First Date (2)

‘What do you fancy for lunch?’

When I spoke to Endo-san, she had a deep frown between her eyebrows. Thinking it was unusual for her to look like that, I traced my finger along her brow. When I did, Endo-san became flustered. Seeing her react like that made the corners of my mouth soften.

Lately, I never tire of watching Endo-san.

　I don’t know how things came to this, but since she doesn’t seem to be unhappy about it, I decided to just stay beside her as usual.

　There’s just one thing that’s troubling me, though.

　I’ve forgotten how I used to touch Endo-san.

　Back in high school, I could do anything on impulse. Even though I haven’t aged that much, I find myself deeply impressed by the power of youth.

　I felt a burning gaze from beside me, so I turned my head to look over, only for her to quickly look away. I ignored it and turned back round, only to feel that intense gaze again. Endo’s behaviour really was so suspicious that I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

‘Has something funny happened?’
‘It’s just that you’re so funny, Endo.’
‘But I haven’t done anything…?’
“Yeah, yeah.”

I placed my hand gently on her head with a pat-pat, and her body, slightly larger than mine, shrank a little. I took her hand and led her forward.

We ended up going into a family restaurant.

The warmth had vanished from the hand that had been clasped in mine until just a moment ago, and the temperature of my left hand was steadily dropping. Perhaps there’s something wrong with me if I find that lonely.

　We laid the menus out on the table and set about choosing our lunch. Endo-san was looking at the various hamburger steak options with sparkling eyes.

She really does love hamburger steak, doesn’t she…

I found myself thinking I wanted to practise cooking more and get good enough to make the hamburg steak she loves, and make it properly. From the time our food arrived until we finished eating, the girl in front of me was constantly looking happy — and I felt glad to be spending this kind of time with Endo-san today. I wanted to have more of these times going forward.

After finishing lunch, we resumed shopping.

Glancing at the shopping mall noticeboard, there was a pamphlet for an observatory, and Endo-san was transfixed.

‘Do you want to go?’
‘No. Let’s carry on shopping.’

Saying that, Endo-san walked straight ahead.

She sometimes acts in ways I can’t quite understand. She acts all grown-up or pushes herself too hard in the strangest situations. She’s improved a lot since we first met, but I think it’s become a habit of hers, she often unconsciously hides or suppresses what she’s really thinking. I found myself wishing that, even if only little by little, she could just be her honest self around me.

　The hands that had been clasped before lunch were no longer joined, and even though it wasn’t cold outside, it felt chilly to the touch. It had been so easy to hold hands just a moment ago, yet doing it a second time felt incredibly difficult.

　I found myself unconsciously clutching at Endo’s hem.

‘What’s the matter?’ Endo-san asked, looking at me curiously and speaking gently. I couldn’t back out now that I’d come this far. Still, it’s still difficult for me to express my feelings honestly, and I think it’s even harder when it comes to Endo-san.
I realised that whilst Endo-san isn’t exactly straightforward, I’m even less so.

‘—Do you mind holding hands with me, Endo-san?’

This is the second time I’ve asked this today. I wonder if Endo-san will be exasperated that I’m checking the same thing over and over. I regretted my words just a little.

“Why?! I’d be really happy, but…”
“Endo-san doesn’t take my hand first…”

I was taken aback by the words that had come out of my own mouth. What on earth am I doing, saying such childish, selfish things when I’m a university student…? I began to worry that perhaps Endo-san was simply going along with me.

My hand, which had been cold just a moment ago, was gently clasped, and Endo-san’s body heat gradually spread through it. I glanced up at her, only to find her face flushed bright red; she wouldn’t look at me. Because she looked like that, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her either, and the conversation between us fell silent.

Listening to the cheerful voices of the people passing by in the shopping centre, we arrived at our destination.

‘Takizawa, which shape of pancake maker do you want?’
‘Which shape do you like, Endo-san?’
‘The one Takizawa likes.’
‘Just go for the one you like, Endo-san.’
‘You’re the one who suggested it, so you choose.’
‘Come on, you choose, Endo-san.’

She’d been having such a good time just a moment ago, but now her expression had turned sullen. It was true that I’d been the one to suggest buying one, but I’d only done so because I wanted Endo-san to be happy, even just a little. Endo-san just stared at me and didn’t seem willing to give in. We couldn’t stay like this forever, so I shifted my gaze to the shelf lined with pancake makers.

‘I’ll have this one.’
‘Takizawa, you’re just going along with me, aren’t you?’
“Stop nagging. I’ve already decided.”

I simply took Endo-san’s hand and led her away from the spot. In my hand, I was clutching a pancake maker that imprints a bear’s face onto the pancakes.

We finished our shopping and headed home. After dinner and a bath, a sleepy-looking Endo-san was sitting in the living room. She came over to me on slightly unsteady feet and gently took hold of the hem of my clothes.

‘Can we sleep together in my room?’
‘Why?’

I wonder why. Or rather — why have I become someone who needs a reason to sleep beside her?

‘Takizawa, you said earlier that I didn’t have to hold back. I want to sleep beside you tonight…’

Said in a slightly more coaxing voice than usual — and my body was already turning toward Endo-san’s room.

As I slipped into Endo’s futon, I was enveloped by her scent. It had been so long since I’d felt this way that I unconsciously held my breath. Even though I used to sleep in her bed all the time not so long ago, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

Calm down…

‘Takizawa, thank you again today.’
‘I haven’t done anything to deserve thanks.’
‘Just being with you makes me happy. And I’m looking forward to making pancakes.’

　When I looked at Endo-san, she was beaming, looking so happy.

　She’s so cute…

　I think Endo-san is incredibly beautiful and cute.

　Her smile shatters my rationality so easily. I leaned over Endo-san and gently, softly pressed my lips against hers.

　I wonder why my heart feels like it’s about to burst, and why I’m finding it so hard to breathe.
I’ve lost track of how I used to touch Endo-san before, or how we’ve ever done such things together.

It’s as if I’ve lost my memory.

Yet my body moves of its own accord, and it seems I can no longer stop it. My desire to touch her has grown so immense it feels as though I might collapse.

I press my lips against hers gently, again and again.

　I gently licked Endo-san’s stubborn lips with my hot tongue. Endo-san slowly opened her mouth, so I let my own feelings flow into her along with it. Endo-san gently pushed her tongue back against mine, as if in response.

　Our saliva mingled. Normally, this would be strange, perhaps even disgusting. Yet, doing this with Endo-san felt more comfortable than anything else, and I became greedy, wanting more and more.

I want to touch her.
I want to touch Endo-san more—

‘Endo-san…’

I hesitated to ask any more. I’m not really sure what to do next, or what I should say in a situation like this.

　Ever since I started dating Endo-san, I’ve been looking up what couples actually do. What I discovered was that, even though I’m dating Endo-san, I haven’t been doing anything that feels like what a couple should be doing.

I think that’s why I felt so anxious about it and felt I had to do something. I was afraid that, because of my lack of knowledge, Endo-san might drift away from me.

“Hehe. You look so serious, Takizawa.”
“It’s your fault, Endo-san…”
“Me? Why were you making such a stern face?”
“Tell me what you want to do with me, Endo-san.”

In the dim room, my eyes adjusted and I could just make out her expression. She looked surprised, her eyes wide. But before I knew it, she had sat up and was now leaning over me, pressing her lips against mine. She sought my passion again and again, as if wanting more, and my heart was certainly delighted by it.

　Endo-san placed her hand on my stomach and began to lift up my shirt, causing my body to stiffen instantly. Right then, her voice, which I loved so much, whispered gently in my ear, making my eardrums tremble.

“I’ve been thinking I’d like to do things like this too.”

My heart was beating so fast it surprised even me. I was at a loss, unsure of the right thing to say, when another soft “heh heh” came from her, and Endo-san lay down beside me.

‘Shall we take our time discovering what we want to do together?’
‘Take our time…?’
‘Yeah. I’m going to make sure you stay with me until you’re sick of it.’
‘Is that okay with you, Endo-san?’
‘If you ask me if it’s okay… well, I’ll do my best not to do anything Takizawa doesn’t like…’
‘…?’

I didn’t understand at all, but Endo-san had told me we’d figure it out together. Those words put my mind at ease, calming the anxiety I’d been feeling just moments before.

　The next day, we made pancakes together, cut a bear’s face in half, and shared it with Endo-san. Whenever I said I wanted to do something, Endo-san said she wanted to do it too. Just making and eating pancakes. That sort of time felt like happiness to me, and I felt that if we kept finding things like this to do together, that would be enough.