Episode Seventy-Four: Do You Understand What That Means?
Parting ways with my two seniors, the tense mood between them still unresolved. Meeting up with Yui-san a little later, we rode the train, swaying, toward the station nearest my apartment.
Yui-san had suggested a taxi, but it was me who’d proposed the train instead.
Because a taxi gets there too fast, and the train meant a little more time together.
Deciding to go home to my own apartment tonight, since I’d promised to hang out with Yuuri tomorrow, had been my own choice.
And yet, even now, wanting to stretch out every last minute together — I really am hopelessly, helplessly in love with Yui-san.
If only we could live together again, like back in college. I think that, and yet, right now, I still can’t bring myself to ask for something that selfish.
Even with our feelings finally connected, one big issue remains. Honestly, it’s not that I feel zero guilt toward Kitagami-san.
I have no idea what he actually thinks of Yui-san.
But Yui-san promised me — “I’ll absolutely break off the engagement.” So I believe those words.
Living together comes only after everything’s settled. Once it’s all over, that’s when I’ll go home to that house. That’s what I’d decided.
*
Only a few stations away, and already we’d reached the station nearest my apartment.
I wanted a little more time together. Just a little longer. Even though it was my own decision, I forced down the sulky feeling threatening to surface and looked at Yui-san.
“…Thank you for coming with me.”
“Not just to the station — I’ll walk you all the way to your door.”
I’d assumed we’d part ways at the station, but apparently Yui-san had planned to walk me all the way home. She took my hand and smiled, bright.
“But won’t it be a hassle for you to get back, Yui-san?”
“I’ll take a taxi, it’s fine. Besides, walking home alone at night isn’t safe, is it?”
I looked back into Yui-san’s eyes, watching me so fondly.
I hadn’t had much to drink, and yet — am I a little drunk? Just meeting her eyes like this, my heartbeat speeds up, my chest aching, squeezed tight.
Our joined hands feel warm. I want to get closer. I want her to hold me tight, like always. I don’t want to let go. There’s no way I could do something like that in public, and yet lately, that’s all I seem to think about.
“Then… I’ll take you up on that.”
Stepping out of the station, I walked as slowly as I could manage. The autumn night breeze brushed bare skin, and I found myself thinking, genuinely — summer really is over now.
The seasons pass by at a dizzying pace. But right now, I can believe, wholeheartedly, that next year, and the year after that, I’ll get to keep walking hand in hand with Yui-san, just like this, peacefully.
Back when I chose to leave, I never once imagined a future this happy could exist.
All of this, every bit of it, is because Yui-san worked so hard, for my sake — and the fact that we get to walk together like this now, close, hand in hand, all of it is thanks to you.
Watching her fine profile, lit by passing car headlights, I found myself thinking, savoring it — ah, I love her.
We walked the whole way home talking about nothing in particular — Mitsuya-san and Seno-san fighting again, the movie I was planning to see with Yuuri tomorrow.
Yui-san always listens to whatever I say, smiling, happy.
Reluctant to part, I’d walked slow on purpose, and yet, having chosen an apartment only five minutes from the station, we arrived, mercilessly, all too soon.
Right in front of the entrance, Yui-san stopped.
“Your apartment’s really close to the station. Already here.”
Maybe Yui-san felt just as reluctant as I did, this parting.
I want to stay together a little longer. Just a little longer.
Unable to let go of her hand no matter what, I gripped it tight with both of mine, facing her, and Yui-san, seeing that, smiled, gentle.
“…Alright, see you tomorrow. I’ll come pick you up, so message me.”
I nodded, small, and Yui-san took my chin with the fingers of her free hand, gently lifting my downcast face.
After a gentle kiss, Yui-san looked into my eyes. The orange streetlight reflected in those black eyes, glittering.
“…Don’t make such a lonely face. It makes me not want to let you go.”
Realizing she’d seen straight through my feelings, I let go of her hand in a panic. Watching me do that, Yui-san laughed, happy, all over again.
“Good night, Kanata. Go on inside now.”
Saying that, she stroked my head, then waved and turned to go.
I waved back too… but watching her walk away, something in my chest ached, sharp. I really do want to stay together longer. I should have just brought a change of clothes and my makeup kit and stayed at Yui-san’s place tonight.
I can’t sleep alone. I want to fall asleep, held in Yui-san’s arms.
Before I knew it, my feet had already started moving, on their own.
“Wa—!”
Yui-san, apparently catching the sound of footsteps, barely had time to turn before I’d thrown myself against her back, half-colliding into her, arms wrapping around.
“Yui-san…”
Saying her name, forehead pressed against her back. I felt her laugh, soft, the vibration carrying through her back.
“What’s wrong, Kanata?”
I want you to understand without me having to say it — I want to say, but she’s probably already noticed my feelings. Noticed, and is asking anyway, wanting to hear the words from me.
I understand all of that, and yet putting it into words is a little embarrassing.
Usually she’s the one leading — but today, she’s being genuinely mean about it.
Steadying my breath, just slightly, I tightened my arms and gathered my courage.
“…Tonight, after all… would you like to stay over…?”
Weaker, smaller than I’d meant it to sound. I’d scraped together every bit of courage I had to say it, and yet Yui-san laughed — so I scrambled to lift my face.
“W-why are you laughing?”
Turning back, Yui-san smiled and gently, fondly, stroked my cheek.
“Inviting your girlfriend into your home… do you understand what that means?”
Held under that heated, steady gaze, embarrassment surged up in me, sudden, and I looked down.
“…I don’t understand something like that.”
“Don’t understand? I see, you don’t understand, huh.”
I’m not so naive that I don’t understand what Yui-san’s implying. But admitting that out loud is unbearably, unbearably embarrassing.
“…Then, just for you, Kanata, I’ll teach you specially.”
Pressing her lips to the back of our joined hands, Yui-san laughed. Covering my reddened face, I tugged her hand toward the door.
*
Opening the heavy door and stepping inside, the moment I’d slipped off my shoes, her hand caught my arm.
The instant I thought ah — my back was already pressed against the wall, my lips claimed, almost bitten.
The sweet scent of Yui-san’s perfume made my head spin, dizzy. Her thumb slipped lightly into my mouth, and through the gap it left, her soft tongue slid in.
More forceful than usual, Yui-san had my heart pounding, relentless, unable to stop. Tongue caught, tangled with mine, breathing grew difficult almost instantly.
I meant to hug her body close, but something told me — if I did that, she wouldn’t stop — so instead I just gripped her sleeve, clinging.
Still not fully used to this kind of thing, I always end up entirely at Yui-san’s mercy. Her palm traced gently over my waist, then slowly along the line of my body.
Yui-san loves kissing, so she never lets go easily. Kissed again and again, tilting at different angles, unable to breathe properly, I tried to push at her shoulder — and, at some point, without my noticing, my favorite flared skirt had been hitched up, and I felt her left hand crawling along my thigh.
Startled, I caught that hand and stopped it.
“Y-Yui-san…!?”
Never imagining she’d touch me right here, I looked at her, and she pressed her lips to my neck, tongue flicking lightly against my skin.
“Yui-san, wait a second…!”
“Why? You’re the one who invited me, aren’t you.”
“I didn’t mean it like that…”
“You didn’t? Really?”
Laughing softly, her mischievous black eyes searched mine. That confident gaze, not even a shred of doubt she might be refused — I’ve seen it before.
Back in college, Yui-san used to wear that exact expression often.
The pleasure her left-hand fingers give — fingers that have captivated so many women — is like a drug; every time our skin meets, the pleasure only compounds further, endlessly, which is exactly why sex with Yui-san still, a little, scares me.
“But I haven’t even showered yet…”
“Then let’s shower. Sure, let’s go together.”
Giving me no escape route, she smiled, bright, boxing me in.
I already knew, honestly, that inviting Yui-san into my home would end up exactly like this. Whether I’d been hoping for it — even I don’t know anymore.
Even back in college, she’d pushed me down a few times too — but back then, she’d always left me an escape route.
“…You’re not as gentle as you used to be, Yui-san.”
Lips pursed, I said it, and Yui-san laughed and pulled me into a tight embrace.
“Sorry, sorry. It’s just, you’re so cute. If you really hate it, I won’t do anything. Okay? Let’s take a bath together.”
Told that, I’m always at a loss.
Because there’s never once been a moment I actually hated being touched by you.
＊＊＊
The two of us, crammed tight into the cramped single-apartment bathtub. Embarrassed at being seen naked, I’d added a fizzy, foaming bath bomb — the right call, it turned out.
Held from behind, smooth skin against skin felt good.
With my hair pulled up, my exposed nape left defenseless, her lips found it, and the ticklish sensation pulled a small laugh out of me, echoing through the bathroom.
“Sorry the tub’s so small.”
“No, this is better. I get to be close to you.”
Yui-san’s jet bath at home is easily double the size of this one.
I’d felt a little bad about my cramped apartment, but Yui-san seemed genuinely happy, so maybe this turned out fine after all.
If we lived together again, would we get to bathe together like this every day? Leaning my weight back against her, I turned just my face to look at Yui-san. Smiling gently, she pressed her lips to my cheek, then said, “I’ll wash you,” and slid her palm along my body.
“You’re not planning anything indecent here, right…?”
I asked, just to confirm, and Yui-san pulled my body into a tight embrace.
“Don’t worry, I won’t do anything.”
I’ve heard that line so many times before. And not once, not a single time, has she actually kept it.
“Really…?”
I looked back at her, doubtful, and Yui-san laughed, then, in a voice gone especially sweet, whispered against my ear.
“Of course. …I’ll hold out, properly, until we reach the bed.”
A devil’s whisper, letting me imagine exactly what was about to happen — a shiver ran deep through my stomach. Startled that my body had reacted before thought could even catch up, my cheeks went hot, flushing red.
Unable to say a single word, I looked down, and Yui-san pressed a gentle kiss to my shoulder, then pulled my body into a tight, tight embrace.