Episode 41: When That Time Comes
Once we left the burger shop, Maria led me to a nearby park. Maybe because of the hour, there was nobody else around.
“…Riri.”
With a trembling hand, Maria grabbed the sleeve of my uniform. I’ve never seen her this nervous before.
“…Is it okay if I’m the one who does it?”
She said it while looking me straight in the eye.
“…Yeah.”
This kiss was meant to show that Maria and I aren’t just friends — that she’s someone precious and special to me.
Which meant it carried basically the same meaning as the kiss I’d given Sora-san.
Our lips touched.
—And the fact that I couldn’t tell the difference between the two kisses made me feel like a hopelessly terrible person.
“Riri.”
Maria pulled me into a tight hug. I felt her breath close against my ear.
“…I love you so much. Honestly, I do want to properly root for you at Sweet Stella too. Because I love you so much, Riri.”
“…Thank you.”
Of course I love Maria too. She’s special to me.
But I feel like Sora-san is special too, in a different sense than Maria.
Is it a bad thing, having two people who are both “special”?
“…Hey, Maria. You probably already know, but there’s an event coming up at Sweet Stella soon. If you’d like, I’d love for you to come.”
“I’ll go.”
The answer came instantly.
◆
Lying under the covers, I stared blankly up at the dark ceiling. Möbius-san had already fallen asleep long ago; all I could hear from the bed was the quiet sound of her breathing.
…In a short span of time, I ended up kissing two different girls.
If you just heard that fact on its own, most people would probably think, what an unfaithful, careless, terrible person.
But that’s me. That’s who I am.
Is this actually my fault!? I mean, what was I even supposed to do instead!?
Neither of the kisses I gave were kisses between lovers — both were meant as a way of showing “you’re special.”
Except, in both cases, I ended up giving it the meaning of “something special I wouldn’t do with anyone else”…
Ugh, I let out a small groan and pulled the covers over my head, clutching my skull.
I never imagined I’d end up with the kind of problem people who get endlessly, hopelessly popular have.
Maria is special. Sora-san is special too.
Is that not okay? And who exactly am I even supposed to ask about that? Actually, thinking about it, the answer to that question isn’t something a third party listening to my problems could give me anyway — it’s something only Maria and Sora-san themselves get to decide.
“Ugh…”
Sleep. I need to sleep. There’s nothing left to do but sleep.
I forced my eyes shut. Even so, sleep refused to come easily.
◆
“Whoa!? Ruri, what’s with that face! Your cute face is totally ruined— okay, not totally, but still!”
“Möbius-san…”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t sleep at all!?”
“…No, I didn’t.”
In the end, I never fell asleep, and morning arrived just like that.
Thinking about whether what I’d done was right or wrong, and imagining how either of them would feel if the other one found out — it just kept my mind wide awake.
“…Something happen?”
Möbius-san’s expression clouded over. Knowing it was a look of worry for me made my chest ache with a small, sharp pain.
“Ah, um, well, if, um…”
“Take it easy. No rush, go slow.”
Möbius-san gently rubbed my back. I let out a small breath and slowly opened my mouth.
“…If I might not be able to return the exact same amount of affection someone gave me, to e-everyone… but I still properly care about them… in a situation like that, what am I supposed to do?”
The moment I said it out loud, my body felt just a little lighter.
“…Hmm.”
Without teasing me or brushing it off, Möbius-san went quiet, taking the question in seriously. Then she patted my head gently.
“I think it’s fine to just return whatever kind of affection feels like yours to give, in your own way. It doesn’t have to match exactly what you got. Though, if someone asks you to be their girlfriend, or asks you to marry them, you obviously can’t pick more than one person for that.”
“…True, I guess…”
“Well, staying vague about everything forever might come back to bite you eventually, though.”
Adding that ominous little line, Möbius-san flashed a breezy smile.
“In the end, the most important thing is how you actually feel, Ruri. So think about it at your own pace. It’s not like you need to rush and rank people or anything.”
She’d answered my vague question while leaving it just as vague as I’d asked it.
Then Möbius-san headed to the kitchen to start making breakfast.
“…At my own pace…”
I took a deep breath.
Neither Maria nor Sora-san has actually asked for some named, defined relationship with me.
But maybe, someday, that’s a problem I’ll have to face head-on.
—If that time ever comes… I’ll properly choose just one person.