Episode 115: New Year’s Eve (2)

The short hand of the clock had passed eleven, and I was feeling rather restless. Takizawa, sitting next to me, was watching the telly as usual.

Spending this day with someone is something I haven’t done in a long time, and that alone is enough to make me happy — and yet the person beside me is Takizawa, whom I love so dearly.

‘Shall we start making the soba soon?’

　Takizawa stood up and headed for the kitchen, so I tagged along behind her like a dog following its owner, afraid of being left behind.

‘Endo-san, you can just sit here, okay?’
‘Can you actually make it, Takizawa?’
‘Anyone can boil noodles, can’t they?’

　She turned a bit sulky and headed for the kitchen, so I hurried after her. It wasn’t that I wanted to upset her. It’s just that whenever I’m in front of Takizawa, I feel the urge to spoil her in every possible way.

I’d intended to simply watch her boil the soba, taking her at her word, but I couldn’t suppress the urge to touch her. When I touched her hair, she brushed my hand away easily.

‘Endo-san, you really are acting strange today.’
‘I said it’s Takizawa’s fault.’
‘Well then, I’m going home.’

She was seriously heading for the front door, so I wrapped my arms around her to stop her. I thought to myself that I was still just a child, getting carried away like this and causing her trouble.

But what can I do?

Takizawa is here with me on a cold day like this. She has absolutely no idea how happy that makes me.

‘I’m sorry… I’m just giddy because I’m so happy Takizawa came. It’s been a lonely day…’

I think my hands were trembling as I held her.
She gently released my grip, turned to face me, and hugged me back even tighter than I had hugged her.

‘You won’t feel lonely today because I’m here, will you?’

She smiled slightly before stepping away from me and filling the pot with water to boil. Her unconscious actions always leave my heart struggling to keep up. I was desperately trying to keep my consciousness anchored here, even as I felt myself drifting off.

　She laid out fresh spring onions on the chopping board, chopping them finely with a crisp sound, and carefully cut the seasoned chicken for the soba into bite-sized pieces. Takizawa holding a knife looked so cool that I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“Endo-san, would you like your soba hot? Or cold?”
‘I’d prefer hot.’

Upon hearing that, she filled the electric kettle with water and began to boil it. The sight of her gently loosening the noodles in the bubbling pot was so endearing, I wanted to commit it to memory.

When did Takizawa become so efficient? She’s been changing more and more without me even realising it.

For some reason, I felt a sense of urgency and hurriedly prepared the chopsticks, the cup Takizawa had given me, and a drink.

Beep, beep, beep

When the timer went off and it came time to drain the boiling water and soba through the colander, I worried Takizawa might make a mistake and went to check on her. But as if to say my worries were unfounded, she transferred the ingredients into the bowls with practised ease.

‘Endo-san, it’s ready, so please take it over.’
‘Takizawa actually made soba…’
‘You underestimate me too much.’

Even though I knew it was rude, my true feelings slipped out.

I’d been so engrossed in the soba Takizawa was making that I hadn’t noticed, but it was already past midnight.

“Takizawa—”
“Hmm?”
“Happy New Year. I hope we’ll get on well this year too.”

Takizawa looked startled and glanced at the clock. she then looked straight at me, looking a little embarrassed.

“Happy New Year, Endo-san.”
“Is that all?”
“I hope we’ll get on well this year too…”
“Yeah! That’s a promise. It means ‘you’re committing to being with me until next year’.”

I added the words ‘until next year’ of my own accord and told her that. I felt that if I did, Takizawa would take it as a promise and would surely keep it.

I was so happy that a smile slipped onto my face.

This might be the first time I’ve ever spent New Year’s Eve with someone like this. I don’t remember much now, but I seem to recall that when I was at primary school, I often couldn’t stay awake.

‘Takizawa, let’s go and see the first sunrise of the year.’
‘I don’t want to, it’s too cold.’
“Well then, I’ll hold your hand so you don’t get cold, so let’s go.”
“Are you an idiot?”
“Please.”

　I’ve never seen the first sunrise of New Year’s Day, not even when I was little.
　I want to see my very first New Year’s sunrise with Takizawa.

“I’m eating now.”

　Takizawa ignored my words, clasped her hands together and started eating the soba. It seems my wish won’t come true after all. Giving up on persuading Takizawa, I started eating the soba myself before it got cold.

It’s warm and delicious—

“The soba you made, Takizawa, really warms the heart.”
“That’s because it’s warm soba, isn’t it?”

She’s as cold as ever today.

But behind that coldness, there’s always kindness. That’s why I find myself wishing I could stay by her side forever.

‘I’m so happy…’
‘Stop it and just eat up.’

I began to suspect that perhaps this happiness was just a dream, and I found myself unconsciously pinching my own cheek.

‘What are you doing, Endo?’
‘Oh, just checking to make sure it’s not a dream.’

As soon as I said that, Takizawa pulled my cheek with an unbelievably strong force.

‘Ouch…’
“It’s not a dream, is it?”

Even though it should have hurt, my heart felt warm and I found myself smiling naturally. Seeing my face like that, Takizawa’s brow furrowed deeply. I know she must think I’m creepy, but when I’m in front of her, I find it hard to even hide who I really am.

I glanced at the TV and saw a programme I’d never seen before.

“So this is the sort of thing they show on New Year’s Eve, is it? I’ve never seen it before.”
“Me neither.”
“What were your New Year’s Eves usually like, Takizawa?”

　…………

　Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked. I always regret things after I’ve said something I shouldn’t have. I might have hurt her by being too open.

“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologise. My family were at home, but I’d burrow into my duvet in my room, trying my best to close my eyes and sleep, whilst I could hear cheerful voices coming from downstairs. That’s what it was like.”

　She didn’t get angry at my thoughtless remark, nor did she seem sad. I felt a slight sense of relief at that.

　It was hard for me to be alone in a silent house, but I realised Takizawa had a different kind of pain. We seem similar yet different, and different yet similar. That’s probably why we’ve ended up in this kind of relationship.

“There’s still time before the first sunrise, but shall we get some sleep?”
“Huh?”

　I let out a strange sound in surprise. The topic I’d given up on had suddenly been brought up again, and it took me a moment to process it.

“What shall we do?”
“Let’s go to my room.”

　I grabbed her arm before Takizawa could change her mind. She followed without any resistance. The room wasn’t heated at all, so it was quite chilly, and the cold floor made the soles of my feet grow colder and colder.

“Sorry. I haven’t warmed the room up, so I’ll turn the heating on now.”
“You don’t need to.”
“What?”

　Takizawa pulled me along and practically pushed me onto the bed. She hugged me tightly right there. My mind couldn’t keep up with this baffling situation; only my heart was moving, pounding away.

“Your body temperature is high, Endo-san, so this is enough.”

　Saying that, Takizawa hugged me even tighter.

Takizawa said I was acting strange today.

But Takizawa is the one who’s strange.

I have no idea what Takizawa is thinking, doing something like this without knowing how I feel. Yet, in this room with the air con off, huddled close together so we wouldn’t get cold, those moments were blissful for me.

‘It was cold outside, wasn’t it?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s fine, because you’re warm, Endo-san.’

　Her arms wrapped tightly around my back. My heart was pounding so loudly I could almost hear it from outside. To prevent her from hearing that sound, I opened my mouth.

‘Takizawa, you’re not fair.’
‘Why?’
‘If you do things like this, anyone would get the wrong idea.’
‘The wrong idea?’
‘Like — maybe Takizawa likes me.’

It was the best I could manage to say without letting on that I liked Takizawa. Takizawa looked slightly surprised, but quickly returned to her usual impassive expression.

“Then it’s fine. I only do this with you, Endo.”

Hearing those words, I found myself unable to say anything.

Does she think I wouldn’t fall for her?

It’s Takizawa’s behaviour like this that leads me to misunderstand.

It’s so unfair………….

It hurts that I’m the only one feeling this way about her.

“I’ve set the alarm for four, so if I don’t wake up, please wake me.”

And just like that, Takizawa closed her eyes, leaving me behind entirely.

I really do think she’s terrible, stirring up my heart like this and then just going to sleep.

I wish she’d pay me a little attention too—.

“Sora…”

I whispered into her ear, she might be asleep, and gently nibbled it.

“My ear tickles.”
“Sora…”
“Don’t call me that.”
“No way. I want to. Sora—”

I kept calling her name even as she tried to ignore me, Takizawa abruptly pushed me away. I braced myself, expecting to be told off or told we wouldn’t be sleeping together anymore, but Takizawa did something completely different.

　Something warm and soft silenced me.

As I lay there dazed by what she’d done, she laughed and said, ‘This really is the best way to shut you up, isn’t it?’ Then Takizawa simply fell asleep.

In the end, I was the one left feeling self-conscious. How on earth could I make Takizawa realise I like her?

The unease in my chest wouldn’t lift, so even with my eyes closed, I couldn’t sleep.