Episode 19: A Lie
“…I didn’t go anywhere in particular.”
I hadn’t meant to lie.
But before I knew it, that was what had come out of my mouth.
I’d been at the aquarium. That was the truth.
And yet, for some reason, I couldn’t say it honestly.
“…I see.”
Honoka’s voice came back after the smallest pause.
It was an ambiguous tone — hard to tell whether she believed me or not.
I tightened my grip on the phone.
The regret of having covered it up crept slowly, steadily through my chest.
“So you were home all day then?”
Honoka pressed on.
Was she suspicious? Or just wanting to confirm?
“…Yeah.”
I covered it up again.
There was no going back now.
Silence.
It felt like it went on far too long.
I bit down on my lip and waited for the next words.
Finally, Honoka spoke.
“…Yuna, why didn’t you pick up?”
My heart lurched at the question.
“…My phone was off.”
There was nothing else I could say but the truth.
I could hear myself — my own voice trembling, just slightly.
“Off? Why?”
The question came back immediately, and I swallowed hard.
I should have known she’d ask why. And yet the words wouldn’t come.
Why had I turned it off?
Because—
“…Was I bothering you? My messages?”
Honoka’s voice — it sounded, just faintly, like it was trembling.
“That’s not it.”
I denied it before I could think.
But even my own ears could hear how weak my voice was.
“But you suddenly went unreachable. You’ve never done that before.”
Honoka’s words drove straight into my chest.
She was right. I had never ignored her like this. Never avoided her calls.
But today…
“…I just wanted to think for a bit.”
I couldn’t put my real feelings into words, and something felt stuck, deep in my throat.
Because I couldn’t even sort out the reasons for myself, all I could manage was something vague.
But I had no idea what else to say anymore.
“Wanted to think? About what?”
The directness of it stopped my breath.
“…Did you stop liking me?”
Honoka’s voice was so thin it seemed about to vanish.
Those words, on the verge of breaking — they squeezed my chest unbearably tight.
“No! That’s not it at all!”
The words flew out of me before I could stop them.
Nothing but the need to deny it — the words just came.
But underneath that urgency, the depths of my chest were horribly unsettled.
Honoka’s silence continued.
That stillness made the anxiety worse.
Not knowing what she was thinking, what expression she was wearing — the not knowing was frightening.
“…I’m sorry. For pushing like this.”
Honoka’s voice weakened, just slightly.
It wasn’t blame — I could tell she was trying to say that.
But her voice couldn’t quite hide the anxiety and uncertainty bleeding through it.
“…I think being kept at a distance by you is harder than I expected.”
“…!”
“It was me who said I wanted more freedom, after all…”
A faint laugh came through the line.
But it wasn’t a happy laugh.
Hollow, somehow. A self-mocking smile, with self-reproach bleeding through it.
“I feel pretty pathetic, honestly.”
The moment those words reached my ears, I couldn’t say anything at all.
Honoka’s words spread slowly through the depths of my heart.
I was the one who decided to keep my distance.
And because of that, Honoka is suffering like this.
I… what am I supposed to do.