Episode 108: What Has Changed

‘Good morning, Takizawa.’

　I heard Endo-san’s voice as soon as I stepped through the school gates.

‘Good morning.’

　When I looked over at her, I saw she was wearing the scarf I’d given her last Christmas. Endo-san faithfully uses everything I give her.

It makes me happy — and at the same time, I wonder if I’m making her feel obligated. Some things can be used and some things can’t. She doesn’t have to force herself to use them.

　As the cold gradually sets in, the classroom has shifted further into exam mode, and a tense atmosphere hangs in the air.

　Since Endo-san’s birthday, our relationship has continued much as before. If I teach her, Endo-san makes dinner for me, or we watch videos together, or…

　Well. We do all sorts of things.

　Nothing has really changed.

Nothing changing should be the most settled and reassuring feeling — and yet there was a restless, unsettled fog in my chest.

　PE lessons don’t require much mental effort, so I tend to get lost in these thoughts.

　During the volleyball lesson, Endo-san and Mai seem to be having a great time, making full use of their impressive athletic abilities.

　I’m not very good at sports, so I take part in PE without drawing too much attention to myself.

‘Hoshizora, come and join us!’

　Mai called out to me from a distance, but I ignored her.

　Over in the corner of the gym, a boy was crouching down, not taking part in the lesson. He was pale, slight of build and looked a bit frail.

　I sat down quietly next to him and skipped the lesson too.

‘—My impression of you has changed, Takizawa-san.’

　I was so startled by the sudden address that I nearly jumped to my feet.

　The one who’d spoken to me was, I think… Wakase-kun from my class. I’m not particularly interested in him, so my memory’s a bit hazy, but I guess we’ve been in the same class for three years.

‘Is that so?’
‘Yeah. I used to think you were the same sort of person as me.’

　It’s true, I might actually prefer damp, musty corners of the room.

　But isn’t that a bit rude……?
　No, that thought is rude to Wakase-kun.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to talk to you, Takizawa-san. I couldn’t pluck up the courage to speak to you before. Since Year One, you’ve been so serious, always careful not to cause trouble for others, and surprisingly kind to everyone, haven’t you?”
“Isn’t ‘surprisingly kind’ a bit rude?”
“You don’t exactly look like the kind of person who’d be kind, do you?”
“……”

　I couldn’t think of a retort. It’s true, I might not be kind. I’m always cold towards Endo-san, too.

“I like people like you, Takizawa-san.”
“Huh…?”
“Ah, as a person.”
“Oh, thank you.”
“But I think you’re even better now.”
“Why?”
“You smile more.”

　Wakase-kun’s cheeks tensed as he flashed a mischievous grin.

“It was funny how you always had that frown between your eyebrows before, but I think your smile now is cute.”

　I’ve never been complimented like that before, so my face flushed and I didn’t know what to say.

“I can’t believe that’s coming from someone who just said they didn’t have the courage to speak to me.”

　I said that to hide my embarrassment.

“It’s because you’ve changed, Takizawa-san, that I’ve wanted to change too.”
“Eh?”
“Is there someone who’s influenced you as well, Takizawa-san?”

　The reason I’ve become this sort of person is surely because of Endo-san’s influence.

　The me of a short while ago would have dismissed Wakase-kun’s comment with a single word, and the conversation would have ended there.

　I met Endo-san, got to know her, had many experiences, and changed.

　And it seems that seeing that change in me has made Wakase-kun change too.

　I felt deeply that the world is connected by all sorts of people.

‘I wonder.’

　I suppose I really haven’t changed. In situations like this, I can never seem to come up with anything but cold, curt replies.

‘Hey, you there! We can see you’re slacking off!’

　The teacher told us off, so we decided to go back to PE.

　After PE, Mai and Endo-san kept pestering me.

‘This is the first time I’ve ever seen Hoshizora talking to a boy in our class. What were you and Wakase talking about?’

　Mai was leaning in closer than usual to ask, so I found it a bit annoying and looked away.

“Eh… even I, Mai, who’s been in the same class for three years, have never seen Takizawa talking to a boy before…? What were you talking about? Tell me.”

　Endo-san leaned in even closer, really digging in.

“It wasn’t anything much.”
“It doesn’t have to be anything much, just tell me.”

　Endo-san looked a bit scary.

　Mai was chuckling quietly.

　Unable to bear this awkward situation any longer, I told her what he’d said.

“He said he’d always wanted to talk to me. Also, that seeing me gave him the courage to speak up, and that he prefers my smile now to the stern face I had in Year One, things like that.”

　As I didn’t fancy being grilled for details later, I told him everything without holding anything back. When I’d finished, Endo-san looked utterly despondent.

“Oh dear, Hoshizora, you really are the clueless one, aren’t you?”

What do you mean, ‘the clueless one’?
I think they’re all being rather rude.

However, the influence of those rude people had been far too great for me.

“It’s actually thanks to you, Endo-san, that I’ve turned out this way. And Mai, too.”

I met Endo-san in my second year, and I think I’ve changed a lot since we started spending time together. Mai has also stayed by my side all this time, even though I’m such a dull person. Thanks to them, I’ve been saved on so many occasions.

I like the person I am now more than the person I was before I met Endo-san.

I feel my heart is much lighter than it was back then, and I feel I’m living more freely. That’s why I wanted to tell them that.

‘Thank you, both of you.’

I managed a clumsy smile and conveyed my deepest feelings to them.

‘Hoshizora’s “thank you” is devastatingly powerful.’
‘I couldn’t agree more… I feel like I’m going to get a nosebleed…’

Endo-san responded to Mai’s joke with an even sillier one. It shouldn’t be funny, but whenever I’m talking with the two of them, my heart seems to dance.

“Hehe, what’s that supposed to mean? I just said thank you.”

　I realise they always manage to entertain me.

　When I think that this life of mine has only about three months left, a sense of loneliness wells up within me, yet at the same time, I feel determined to live each day to the fullest.

　Those casual moments spent with the people I cherish had become the most precious time of all for me, who once felt so empty inside.