Episode 59
The rice ball that had sat heavy in my hand had vanished entirely.
My stomach was full.
My blood sugar had spiked all at once, and while I sat gazing absently at the sea, Fujishiro’s head dropped lightly onto my shoulder.
Normally I’d push her head off, but having just been given rice balls, I couldn’t bring myself to treat her that harshly right now.
I’ve heard that resentment over food is a frightening thing. So I decided I should forgive whatever Fujishiro was doing and offer my thanks instead.
“Thank you—”
The moment I said it, her movement froze for an instant, but she quickly settled back into slow, deep breathing that I could feel even through my shoulder.
“I’ll make them for you again.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Then I’ll make them for Morishita’s sake, so eat them again.”
“Don’t need them.”
“Don’t be mean.”
Fujishiro lifted her head from my shoulder and peered into my face. Her eyes were glistening, and her cheeks had gone red, and her expression made no sense to me.
“Were they good?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I want a reward for the rice balls.”
“You really do love rewards, don’t you, Fujishiro.”
“Is that okay?”
“What do you want?”
“I want to kiss Morishita—”
“What?”
The birth of Crazy Fujishiro.
She always says something strange completely out of nowhere, so it’s a struggle just to keep up with her.
And following the abrupt tempo of this conversation is exhausting all on its own.
“A kiss is…”
Before I could get to not happening, Fujishiro’s thumb was already pressed against my lips.
She traced it gently along my lips.
Then, still holding the thumb that had touched my mouth, she pressed it lightly against her own lips instead.
“What are you doing?”
“I settled for an indirect kiss.”
“Something’s wrong with your head.”
I don’t understand how anyone arrives at “since I can’t kiss her, I’ll do an indirect kiss instead.”
There’s a limit to how strange behaviour can get.
I shifted a bit away from her, trying to put some distance between us. But Fujishiro immediately closed the gap again, pressing her body right up against mine.
“Too hot.”
“Come on, this much is fine.”
“You’re not a dog, stop it.”
“If it means I get to stay here, I’ll become Morishita’s dog.”
“Are you an idiot?”
“Morishita just called me an idiot.”
Fujishiro always blames me the moment something’s inconvenient for her.
Even knowing it isn’t actually my fault, being spoken to as though I’m the one at fault puts me in a bad mood, and I wish she’d stop.
At some point, Fujishiro had taken hold of my hand.
Irritated, I tried to shake it off, and noticed something resting on top of it.
Looking closer, there sat a black cloth charm, gold thread stitched into the words Exam Success Prayer.
“What is this?”
“It’s for you.”
“What is this?”
“An amulet.”
“What is this.”
“Ahaha. Morishita, you’re making a really blank face.”
Fujishiro burst out laughing, delighted.
Meanwhile, tension had built up hard between my brows.
I pressed the amulet sitting in my hand back against her chest.
“Don’t need it.”
“Amulets work better when someone gives them to you, you know.”
“I said I don’t need it.”
My tone came out sharper than I meant, and Fujishiro flinched, her body jolting slightly, startled.
“Is it a bother?”
“Yeah.”
It was a bother.
I only ever receive things from Fujishiro.
And yet I’ve never managed to give anything back.
I hate being the only one who can’t do anything.
Because I have no ability to give Fujishiro anything in return, every time she hands me something, it makes me feel wretched.
But the moment I said “yeah,” I regretted it terribly.
Because Fujishiro’s face had gone so painfully sad.
“I wonder what would actually make Morishita happy…”
“Don’t do anything. Nothing makes me happy, and it just makes me feel guilty.”
“Guilty? Are you saying that out of consideration for me?”
“Not particularly…”
I turned my face away sharply so the lie wouldn’t show. But Fujishiro leaned around into my field of view again, and this time she was smiling, pleased.
“This already belongs to Morishita now. If you won’t take it, I’ll make you eat my salted rice balls again.”
“Ugh, no…”
“Don’t make that genuinely disgusted face already.”
Because I really, truly don’t want to eat that again.
With my resistance weakened by her ridiculous threat, the amulet ended up shoved into my pocket.
“If you fail the exam, feel free to blame my amulet for it. Just think, it’s because Fujishiro gave me something unnecessary.”
“I wouldn’t think something that awful.”
“That’s because Morishita’s kind.”
“I’m not kind.”
“You are. But… if you pass…”
Fujishiro’s momentum faltered.
She pressed her lips together, thinking something over, and then slowly opened her mouth.
“I’d be happy if you thought you liked me, even just a little.”
“Sorry?”
“Ah, I mean, as a friend! It’s not like Morishita even thinks of me as a friend to begin with, right? And besides, you hate me, don’t you…?”
Hate…?
I don’t know.
Fujishiro is, well… nobody in particular to me.
But I spend more time with her than with anyone else, and it’s the most comfortable I feel anywhere.
I don’t know.
Without deciding to, I’d rested my head against her shoulder.
Fujishiro is shorter than me, so the angle sits awkwardly, and yet her scent brings a kind of security anyway.
“…I don’t particularly hate you.”
“Then…”
I don’t remember what she said after that.
Even if she said something, I think I pretended not to understand it.
Fujishiro said nothing more and just stayed there beside me.
After that, nothing more happened, and the two of us took the train home without incident.
On the way back, I realised I’d been unconsciously gripping the amulet Fujishiro had given me tightly in my hand, and I thought that this, at least, was something I could never tell anyone, for as long as I lived.