Episode Ten: Excuses — November 2032 —

Though I’d declined her offer to see me off, Uehara-san wouldn’t take no for an answer. We walked side by side once more to the car park near her house where she’d parked.

“Thanks, Sensei. For coming to persuade Mum for me.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for. I merely did what any teacher ought to do.”

“Hehe, I knew you’d say that. Hey, Sensei, maybe it was the right call to greet my mum today after all. When you come to formally ask for my hand, it feels like the hurdle’s been lowered a bit.”

“There are no plans for such a day at present.”

“At present? So that means there’s a possibility in the future, then?”

I was rendered speechless by my own words, spoken without conscious thought.

　—Had I, somewhere in my subconscious, ever imagined a future with Uehara-san? Even though it was impossible?

“Ah, sorry, just joking. I didn’t mean to trouble you. Right now, I can’t stay still unless I’m saying it’s a joke. My heart’s still pounding so hard I can’t calm down. Want to touch it and see?”

Once again, I was saved by Uehara-san’s kindness and perceptiveness.

　I am a teacher. I ought to at least maintain my composure in front of my students.

“I’d rather not be socially annihilated by one of your jokes, Uehara-san.”

“But we’re both women?”

“Touching another person’s body has nothing to do with gender, does it?”

“…You really don’t seem to have any prejudices, do you, Sensei?”

Uehara-san murmured something under her breath, but I couldn’t quite make it out.

“But Uehara-san, the real challenge begins now. You’re considerably behind the other candidates, so you must get down to serious exam preparation as soon as possible.”

It’s already autumn of the second year, and she hasn’t even started exam revision. That’s far too late a start. She’ll have to study considerably more than others to stand any chance of catching up with students who’ve been diligently preparing all along.

“Right. I’ll report this to Yabe-san straight away and start planning our next steps. You’ll support me, won’t you?”

“Absolutely. I intend to support you wholeheartedly so you can get into your chosen university.”

Just as I conveyed my completely genuine feelings, we arrived at the car park. After paying, I got into the car and I rolled down the window.

“If anything else comes up, please don’t hesitate to talk to me. I’m always on your side, Uehara-san.”

“…You’re doing all this for me, and you really don’t like me?”

“Why do you immediately steer the conversation that way? This is purely my duty as your teacher.”

“I know. Thanks to you ‘as a teacher’, my life has changed, and I’m grateful. But…”

Uehara-san drew her face close to the car window. I saw her mature, well-proportioned features – unusual for a high school student – astonishingly close up.

“After today, I’ve grown to like you even more.”

Stared at like that, even I couldn’t help but feel my heart skip a beat.

　The darkness outside, just after sunset, was filled with a bewitching air that seemed ready to sweep one away into ill-advised temptations. I felt myself drawn into her large, expressive eyes.

“Hey, Sensei. Can I hug you?”

“…………No.”

I possess reason. I have responsibilities. I understand my position. Therefore, I will absolutely never reciprocate her feelings.

　However, today, for declaring her intentions before her mother, for summoning the courage to voice her selfishness, I felt I ought to praise her ‘as her teacher’.

“But you really did well today, Uehara-san.”

Reaching from the driver’s seat, I stroked the head of Uehara-san, who was crouching down.

“…Really? Hmm… I suppose I did try my best.”

Uehara-san gave me an innocent smile, perfectly suited to her age.

And in that instant, I was overcome by a powerful sense of guilt.

　　　　　　　　　　◇

After parting ways with Uehara-san, I drove as though trying to shake off my own patheticness.

　What nonsense about ‘as a teacher’. In that instant, I’d been lining up excuses in my head. …I’d actively sought a reason to touch her.

It was such a splendid day, a turning point in Uehara-san’s life, yet I’d resorted to the cowardly use of the word ‘teacher’.

　When I first realised my feelings for ‘that person’, I often blamed my cowardice on the times.

Had I been born a hundred years earlier, I might have despaired of the world and taken my own life.

Had I been born a hundred years later, I might have pursued love more boldly, with my chest held high.

That’s how I’d weathered countless nights when I felt I might break.

　But, then I met Uehara-san.

Unlike me, she conveyed her feelings directly. Even if I couldn’t reciprocate those feelings, she must have influenced me to some degree. I vaguely thought that even someone like me, lacking courage or nerve, might change somehow.

And yet, this time I blamed my profession. Haven’t I grown one bit in eight years?

　A bitter feeling welled up from the pit of my stomach, threatening to drown me. Lost in regret and self-loathing, I didn’t notice my phone vibrating.

When I checked it after arriving home, my eyes widened in surprise.

‘I need to talk to you. Can we meet soon?’

It was a message from my mentor and first love, Hisako-san.