Episode One

If I’m ever reborn, I want to come back as her.

Glossy black hair. Beautifully shaped eyes, always wide open. Her legs are probably not that much longer than mine, but they look twice the length. She’s only writing on the blackboard, and somehow even the way she moves the chalk across it seems faintly sensual.

I’m in love with Nagai Ao. Hopelessly, irreversibly in love.

I let out a quiet sigh and looked up at the clock on the wall. Before I knew it, there were ten minutes left until lunch. Once this problem was done, the teacher would say a word or two about next week’s quiz and that would be the end of class. Even the teacher seemed restless, watching over Ao.

I’ve been wearing this high school uniform for a year now. Even at seventeen, my heart is still caught between admiration and something deeper.

She’s kind. I’m sure she at least knows my face and name. That means there’s still a chance. Telling myself that, I spent a whole year looking for a way to start a conversation. If I couldn’t even become her friend in a year, how many years would it take to become her girlfriend?

I was lost in that familiar cycle of self-questioning when a bright chime rang out through the restless classroom. The farewell to the teacher was barely perfunctory before the room erupted into noise. I took my lunchbox out of my bag and gave a small wave to the gyaru bouncing cheerfully over to me.

“God, I’m wiped! But hey, I made it through! Half awake, which is honestly a personal record.”

Fuuka dropped into the seat in front of mine, the spot she’d claimed as her lunch territory, and began pulling an alarming number of bread rolls out of a plastic bag.

“You could just be fully awake.”

“Staying conscious through Tasshy’s English for ninety minutes? Not humanly possible. I can barely manage Japanese.”

“Besides, Yuna, you were pretty zoned out too toward the end, weren’t you?”

I fixed her with a flat look as she tore into a croquette roll. If she was going to stare at me to kill time, she could at least pay attention to the class. There’s nothing entertaining about watching me.

“I was fine. It was stuff I’d already studied. I figured I didn’t need to follow along that closely.”

“Look at you, top of the year. God, I want to be able to say that someday.”

She scrunched up her face and drained a drink carton in one long pull. She has the same coffee milk every single day. Doesn’t she ever get bored?

“Anyway, do you want to go somewhere after school? You don’t have student council today, right?”

The exaggerated grimace vanished in an instant, replaced by the easy, familiar smile she always wore. She leaned in, and her light brown hair caught the sunlight, almost translucent.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind going out today. Fuuka takes me to places I’d never go on my own, and just watching her enjoy herself is enough to lift my mood sometimes.

But.

“Sorry, I have to go straight home today.”

I pressed my palms together and gave a small shrug.

“Apology offering.”

I held out a neatly rolled egg roll and set it toward her mouth. She froze for a split second, then opened wide and let me drop the little yellow parcel in.

“Oh my god, that’s amazing. Not sweet today? I don’t care, it’s incredible either way!”

Her big voice drew glances from a few classmates. Being told something I made is delicious is wonderful, but right now the embarrassment is winning.

“If I married Yuna, I could eat like this every day. Can I put my name in?”

“That would make me the husband.”

I hid the smile tugging at my face by squinting at her, then fed her the asparagus-and-bacon roll before she could say anything else.

The weight that had been dragging at me all morning felt a little lighter, somehow. The right thing to have in your life is apparently a gyaru childhood friend.

Students who’d drifted off to the cafeteria or the courtyard were trickling back in, and the classroom was slowly filling with noise again. Fifteen minutes left in lunch. Saying this in the middle of class feels wrong, but now or never.

I turned to look out the window and made myself say it.

“So. Starting today, his girlfriend, I mean, my new mom and her daughter are moving in.”

“Their stuff arrived already, but today’s the first day we’re actually living together.”

I’d meant to keep my voice even, but it had dropped on its own without my realising.

“Oh. Right.”

The grin she’d been wearing faded, and she looked away. This is what she always does when I bring up anything to do with home. She looks bright and carefree on the surface, but ever since we wore backpacks to school, she’s been like this whenever my family comes up.

“Are you okay, Yuna? You’re not pushing yourself?”

She said it quietly, just for me.

I need her to be my light relief. When she looks at me like that, I’m at risk of making the kind of face I really don’t want her to see.

“I’m fine. She’s incredibly pretty, I’m actually looking forward to meeting her. And apparently I’m getting a stepsister out of it.”

I turned my phone screen toward her. There in the small photo: Dad, and his girlfriend. His soon-to-be wife.

“Wow, she is stunning. Like an actress.”

“Do you have a photo of the little sister?”

She pushed a straw into her second carton of juice and glanced over. I don’t know how she can drink three cartons a day and still look like that. I refuse to accept it.

“We kept missing each other, so I never got a photo. But if she’s this woman’s daughter, she’s probably gorgeous.”

I leaned back in my chair until the ceiling filled my field of vision.

I’m not particularly interested in the new family arrangement. That’s actually why I skipped the introductory get-together before they moved in. I said exams were coming up. If we’re going to be living together anyway, it doesn’t really matter when we first meet.

I just want Dad to be happy. He’s been raising me alone while working himself ragged. He deserves this. I’m in second year of high school now; he doesn’t need to worry about me. If he and this new mum and her daughter can all be happy, that’s enough.

“Not having a photo of your stepsister is so you, but also kind of worrying.”

I heard a quiet sigh beside me.

“It’ll be fine. I’m meeting her tonight either way. I’ll send you a photo.”

I cut off Fuuka’s continued muttering with a two-fingered jab to the ribs.

“OW! I told you to stop doing that!”

Her completely over-the-top reaction made me laugh despite myself. She suits being loud.

She watched me with an expression mixing exasperation and concern as I started getting my things ready for the next lesson when the chime sounded.

She’d be in middle school. One or two years younger than me. Dad would have said something if she were much younger than that. I found myself hoping she wasn’t in the middle of a rebellious phase.

A few more hours until the end of school. Once the last lesson finished, I’d have to go home whether I wanted to or not. The same house as always, but today a different family would be waiting there. The moment that actually sank in, my body tensed, just slightly.