Episode 70

We were walking in silence when Morishita, unusually, started a conversation.

“How about you, Fujishiro?”
“How about me, what?”
“University.”
“Oh, it’s fun.”
“What’s it like?”
“Hmm, the campus is huge, and some of the lectures have a hundred people or so. Also it’s not like studying in high school, you learn really specialised things, so it’s interesting.”
“I see.”

I’d meant to answer Morishita’s question honestly, but I started to wonder if that had been a mistake.

A pang of guilt rose in me at the thought that maybe Morishita had wanted to go to university too…

“Is there anything fun for you, Morishita? Work probably isn’t fun, is it?”
“That’s not true.”
“No?”
“Yeah. I’m so busy I never have time to zone out, so I think I might like it.”
“In high school you were always staring out the window, zoning out.”
“You don’t know what I was like in class. We were never in the same class.”
“I can kind of imagine it.”

When I teased her, Morishita swung an elbow toward me. I dodged it neatly and put on a smug face, and her expression clouded.

“Annoying.”
“You really were zoning out, weren’t you?”
“…Well.”
“See? I can see right through you, Morishita.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“Then tell me more?”

I tugged at Morishita’s sleeve and asked, and she looked down and fell silent.

Being with Morishita kept my emotions in constant motion.
One minute I’d be happy, then my heart would race, then I’d be thoroughly crushed.

In the end Morishita told me nothing about herself, and we walked to the supermarket in silence.

At the supermarket Morishita dutifully carried the basket. When I said, “I’ll carry it,” she turned her face away like a child who didn’t want her job taken from her.

I had no choice, so I packed the ingredients we needed into the basket. By the time the supply run was finished I felt a little guilty that I’d bought two whole bags’ worth.

Morishita took both bags, looking like they were heavy.
When I tried to take them from her, she shook her head stubbornly. But I wouldn’t give in either, and snatched the bags from her hands.

Then I took her now-empty hand right away. Morishita made an angry face and tried to pull away. Even so, I forcibly held on.

“Don’t take the bags.”
“I prefer this.”
“But I’m the one in charge of the bags, right?”
“Ha ha ha. You’re really so serious and cute, Morishita.”
“You’re definitely making fun of me.”
“I’m not. Let’s just stay like this.”

I deliberately swung her hand back and forth. Morishita looked at me, exasperated. Then she let out a breath, and her raised shoulders dropped.

And so we started walking together.

“Morishita, why not eat dinner at my place tonight?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you have plans?”
“I don’t.”
“Then come over.”
“It would feel bad.”
“You carried the bags, so you don’t need to think about that. If anything, stay over at my place.”
“There’s no reason to stay at your place when I have a flat next door.”
“…Well, true.”

It was a blind spot.
I’d been so caught up in the idea of living as close to Morishita as possible that I hadn’t considered a single downside like this.

I should have just forced the conversation toward living together in the first place, but I hadn’t had the courage.

I’d tricked her into thinking I was helping her pick a home, and instead chosen to live next to her.

Maybe this was my punishment for doing something wrong.

“Even if it’s next door, come to my place.”
“Why?”
“Sleepovers are fun.”
“They’re not fun at all.”
“We could read manga all night. And I have a TV, so we could watch a movie or something.”
“…”
“Ah, you thought that sounded a little tempting, didn’t you?”
“Not really.”

Morishita had turned her face the other way, so I couldn’t tell what her expression was, but her last words came out soft and gentle.

Happy, I couldn’t help squeezing her hand tight.

“This way is closer.”
“Oh, is it.”

I wanted this time to last as long as possible, so I deliberately picked a longer route. Perhaps because she didn’t know the roads, Morishita accepted what I said without question.

My chest ached a little, but right now I was desperate to stretch out my time with Morishita.

“Oh, isn’t that Morishita-san?”

The instant I heard the voice, Morishita snatched her hand out of mine and looked at the girl.

A person who wore a frilly one-piece beautifully, with a face as perfect as a doll’s and an aura that made everything around her glitter. She ought to have been about my height, but she looked quite petite. She seemed childlike, and yet she might also have been two or three years older than me, and she stepped right up close to Morishita and peered into her face.

My heart pounded so hard I thought it would burst, and without thinking I tugged on Morishita’s arm.

Morishita looked at the woman with a puzzled expression.

“Why are you here, Arai-san?”
“I’m on my way back from an outing! Oh, could it be… were you on a date?”
“No, we weren’t.”
“Oh, um. Sorry. Anyway, let’s have lunch together tomorrow, okay? You can tell me all about it then.”

The woman in front of me flashed a polished, celebrity-like smile, waved a hand beside her face, and walked away.

The storm of a person had passed, but my heart had been thoroughly wrecked by it.

“Who was that?”
“The coworker I told you about, who started at the same time as me.”
“Hm. She’s pretty.”
“True.”
“Do you like people like that, Morishita?”
“…? It’s not about liking. She’s just a coworker.”
“But you said she’s pretty. You like cute, big-sister types, don’t you?”

My tone came out sharp before I could stop it.

All of a sudden I wondered whether Morishita thought of me as cute. I felt inferior to this Arai-san, and my chest tightened.

But when I glanced sideways, Morishita was wearing an even more pained expression than mine, and I couldn’t help widening my eyes.

“The cute one is…”
“Hm?”
“Never mind.”

Morishita shut her mouth.

I was lost in a muddle of thoughts, and before I knew it we’d reached home, and we went off to our separate flats.

I stood at the wall on Morishita’s side and laid my hand against it.

That single wall felt incredibly thick.
I was supposed to be closer to Morishita than anyone, and yet I felt I hadn’t come one step nearer.

This feeling was so frustrating it was like an agony that made me want to claw at my throat.

“Morishita, I love you—”

No matter how white the wall was or how I spoke to it, no voice answered.