Episode 44 — Because I’m Not Annoying

The novel’s readers hadn’t dropped off even with the exam hiatus in between. If anything, several readers had used that time to catch up to the latest episode — and the numbers kept climbing steadily upward.

Maybe I could make it through the reader selection round. With that thought sitting quietly at the back of my mind, I’d gone ahead and entered the contest being held by the posting site. Nothing would come of it in a million years, probably — but still.

And today again, turning over the memory of the afternoon’s contact-detail exchange with Shion, I finished about two thousand characters. The heroine’s character had abruptly shifted to match Shion’s changes — suddenly high-maintenance and complicated — and getting the internal consistency right, making the psychology feel natural, had been a genuine struggle.

Thinking back over that effort, I pressed the post button, closed the laptop, and went to take a bath to fill the time before any responses came in.

I got out of the bath, dried my hair in a perfunctory way, and checked my phone. Sure enough, the notifications on the posting site had a row of reader comments — every single one of them remarking on the heroine’s new personality.

High-maintenance and adorable — something along those lines. Broadly positive reactions, which let me breathe a little easier.

And in the most recent slot, Otonashi-san’s comment had appeared too.

I think the heroine is simply head over heels for the protagonist. And she felt sad because she was afraid she was the only one with feelings — that the other person might not feel the same way. Besides, exchanging contact details was a first for her, and she was probably anxious and nervous about how to go about asking. So I don’t think she’s annoying at all. With someone who matters to you, wouldn’t this be completely normal? I think it’s normal.

A comment roughly three times her usual length, filling the screen. Like a formal statement of feelings on someone’s behalf. I have absolutely no idea why Otonashi-san is acting as the heroine’s spokesperson — but I suppose she’s just reading with her usual passionate involvement, really inhabiting it. Truly — she’s been reading since before anyone else found it, waited all through the hiatus without a word, and I have nothing but gratitude for her.

Thank you for your comment. I’m always so grateful that you read with such care for the characters’ feelings.

I sent that reply — and before long, an unfamiliar notification sound rang through the room.

I startled, and found myself sitting bolt upright on the floor cushion without thinking. Then I tapped the green notification on reflex.

Shion’s chat window appeared, with two new messages side by side.

uta
r u free rn

Something up? I typed back, tentatively.

“Just became free.”
yay
i wanted to talk to u
talk?

Reading those messages, Shion’s upward glance and the tilt of her head, the soft warmth of her hand squeezing mine — all of it rose up with startling vividness.

And in real life and on screen alike — I am weak to Shion.

“Sure. Call?”
call is tmrw
today is messages
messaging a friend on line is a first for me

Messages arriving roughly once a minute. Oh — so the call tomorrow is already decided, I think, and something starts fluttering in my chest around that thought. Fingers carrying the feeling, I type:

“Okay.”
“Messaging on LINE is a first for me too. With Shion.”

Because until now, LINE has always seemed like something that would just steal my time pointlessly. But right now here I am — fluttering heartbeat and all, forgetting to uncross my legs from seiza, face turned to the screen.

happy
we match
matching with uta

Oh — that’s cute. Shion’s childlike words and gestures have always made havoc of my chest — but in text it takes a fixed form and stays, which seems to multiply the destructive power considerably.

Actually — can text be cute? I’ve scattered about a hundred and fifty episodes worth of prose across this series by now, and my words have never carried that kind of force once. Maybe she’d get more readers if she were the one writing the novel. I even find myself thinking that.

Lost in that dead-end of a thought, my replies go quiet — and:

don’t ignore me

A message arrives.

I scramble to flick-type:

“i’m happy too. matching with shion.”
okay then

I’m exhaling with relief at receiving Shion’s pardon when another message follows immediately.

also
i’m not annoying
i’m not

Reading my thoughts exactly — a defence arriving in the same form as Otonashi-san’s, just moments ago. The desperation of it is somehow endearing, and I’m smiling — when:

i just really like you, uta

A message like a small detonation arrives. The string of characters sweetly numbs my brain. The force of it makes me move to stand up —

And that’s when I notice: from having sat in seiza all this time, not just my brain but my feet have gone numb too.

While I’m registering that pain and writhing —

don’t ignore me
hey
also, i’m not annoying

The notifications keep coming, as noisy as my own heartbeat.

That aside — the numbness wouldn’t stop.

Painful and sweet and hot. That was how summer break began.