Episode 39: Playing Pretend at Heartbreak to Cover It Up
“Tamura from sales and Asakura from design will be getting married.”
The announcement came the next morning at the morning meeting.
At the sales manager’s words, a round of applause broke out.
Tamura-san bowed his head, looking bashful. Coworkers around him were calling out “Congratulations!”
According to what Asakura-san had told me over drinks last night, the two of them had gone for a second round after the year-end party and really hit it off there. Things had developed into a relationship from that point.
Apparently they’d both been thinking they wanted to marry whoever they dated next, so once it started, things moved straight through to marriage in one shot.
*
As for me…
Uwaaaaaahhhhh.
I sat at my desk, holding my head in my hands.
My face felt like it was about to catch fire. No, it already had. Hot enough that I genuinely wondered if my face was fully ablaze at this point.
It’s not that Asakura-san’s marriage was a shock. That’s not it.
It’s that, completely, without a single shred of doubt remaining, I’d been catastrophically, self-flatteringly wrong about the entire thing, and the embarrassment of that was unbearable.
The old conversation looped in my head on repeat. “Is there someone you like?” “Someone in sales…” — that time Asakura-san had said it.
I’d been completely convinced she meant me. But that had been about Tamura-san. The “someone she liked.” The “someone in sales.”
And the crowning achievement: yesterday’s drinks.
“Nagi-san, actually… there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Actually, there’s someone I like…!”
“I’m sorry, I…! I can’t return your feelings, Asakura-san!”
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
My own catalog of delusional lines kept looping through my head.
I can’t take this. A total, complete misunderstanding. Peak self-flattery.
I can’t even face Asakura-san anymore. She’s definitely laughing at me. Or maybe she’s completely put off. If it’s just laughing, that’d honestly be better.
Desperately suppressing the urge to bury my face in both hands, I glanced around the room.
And then, my eyes landed on Hanamori.
Hanamori must be genuinely devastated by Tamura-san’s marriage.
She liked him that much, after all.
Hanamori was sitting at her desk, staring blankly into space. Her eyes looked somehow unfocused.
Completely somewhere else, no energy at all. …Ah, I see, she really must be taking it hard.
Just then.
My eyes met Hanamori’s, suddenly.
Hanamori’s eyes went wide, she blinked a few times, then hastily looked away.
Lunchtime, the company cafeteria.
Carrying my tray of liver-and-chives set meal, looking for a seat, I spotted Hanamori.
Sitting alone by the window, picking blankly at a salad. Her chopsticks were moving, but she was clearly somewhere else.
I hesitated for a moment, but carried my tray over and sat down beside her.
“Mind if I sit?”
“…Eh. Ah, sure.”
Hanamori looked briefly startled, but quickly went back to her blank expression.
I took a sip of the set meal’s miso soup, then, thinking I should say something, brought up a topic casually.
“I almost went with the super-spicy mapo tofu, but ended up with this instead.”
“Still dragging out that mapo tofu thing, huh.”
…Bad topic choice.
A stretch of silence.
I cleared my throat, hesitated a moment, then brought up the actual subject.
“…Tough break. About Tamura-san.”
“Eh? Tamura-san?”
Hanamori’s chopsticks stopped, and she looked at me with a blank expression.
For a second, she genuinely seemed not to understand what I was talking about.
“…Ah, right. Tamura-san. Yeah.”
A few seconds passed before Hanamori hurriedly picked the thread back up.
“Honestly, seriously. When did that even happen with Asakura-san, right?”
“Right? I was pretty shocked too.”
“I’m devastated. Can’t recover from this.”
Something about it felt oddly flat, no real emotion behind it. I’d expected her to be more down about it, so the reaction felt strange.
“Well, but Tamura-san looked happy.”
“Yeah. He was grinning like an idiot.”
“Totally lovestruck.”
“Well, if he’s happy, I guess that’s fine.”
Hanamori went back to picking at her food. Bringing lettuce to her mouth, still somewhere else entirely.
“Hanamori-san, you okay? You’ve seemed out of it all day.”
“Eh, n-nothing’s wrong, I’m normal.”
“Really?”
“Wait, have you been watching me this whole time?”
“Eh, no, not this whole time, just… worried.”
“Hmm. That worried about me, huh? Why?”
“Th-that’s…”
Hanamori teased, half-joking, smirking. Infuriating. I fumbled and looked down.
Hanamori glanced at me again, then immediately dropped her eyes and spoke.
“You’re one to talk, Asami-san. Tough break about Asakura-san.”
“Eh?”
I nearly spat out my miso soup.
“N-no, I mean, I’m not really…”
“You two were getting along really well. Went for dinner yesterday too, right?”
“Eh, how do you know that?”
“Just happened to see it.”
Hanamori said, looking away.
“Ah, ah, yeah. That’s right, tough break.”
I mumbled along vaguely. What’s actually a tough break isn’t Asakura-san getting married, it’s my own excruciating misunderstanding.
After another stretch of silence, Hanamori spoke up.
“You seem down, Asami-san, so I guess I could take you out for drinks.”
“Eh?”
“I mean, you know. Like a consolation thing. If you need comforting, I’ll come along.”
Her face stayed expressionless, glaring at me as always, but her ears had gone faintly red. Her gaze drifted slightly too.
“I—I’m not down, or anything.”
“Is that so.”
Hanamori swiftly started packing up her salad container, starting to stand.
Ah, wait, the conversation’s ending. I hurriedly picked it back up.
“Ah, b-but. Actually, yeah, I am really down, so, maybe I do want to go for drinks.”
“……Eh?”
“When should we go? Tomorrow, maybe?”
Even I could tell I’d come on way too strong.
“Tomorrow?” Hanamori burst out.
“Can’t you wait that long?”
“Eh, no, that’s not it, but…”
“Well, fine. I’m free tomorrow anyway.”
Hanamori said it, looking away, and her ears seemed to go just a little redder again.
The blue sky visible through the cafeteria window looked, somehow, a little brighter than usual.