Episode Ninety-Seven: I Haven’t Actually Been Proposed To Yet
Not long after, once my mother and Kaname got back from shopping, I told them too — that I’m dating a woman, and that I want to spend my life with her.
My mother, naturally easygoing, seemed startled but showed no real confusion — she just seemed happily unbothered, saying something like “so Kanata found someone nice after all.”
Kaname, meanwhile, reacted exactly as expected — thoroughly indignant.
Who exactly is this person, can she really make Sis happy, bring her here right now, I won’t approve until I’ve actually talked to her — he went on, ranting, while my parents worked hard to calm him down.
It’s not like we’re getting married, but… Kaname’s spent far more of his life than I have in a country where same-sex marriage is legal, so gender itself doesn’t seem to register as much of an issue for him at all — which put me a little at ease.
I never imagined he was such a devoted little brother, honestly, but somehow, being loved like that made me happy too.
Still, I’m sure once Kaname actually meets Yui-san, he’ll come around completely — and since watching him fume is a little entertaining, I decided to just let him stay annoyed for now.
If they ever meet face to face, maybe I’ll even get to see Yui-san flustered, cornered by Kaname’s questioning.
Maybe because the tension had finally eased, I started feeling sleepy. Apparently the jet lag still hadn’t fully worn off.
“Dad, Mom, I’m still tired, so I’m going to take a nap.”
“Ah, sis, we’re not done talk—”
“Night.”
Cutting Kaname off, I headed for my room, yawning.
Sitting down on my bed with a soft thud, I hugged the orca I’d brought along from Japan.
It’s night in Japan right now — maybe I’d give Yui-san a call. Better to tell her sooner rather than later. She must be worried about how my family reacted.
Sliding my finger across my phone screen. After a few rings, Yui-san picked up.
“Hello, Kanata?”
A soft, sweet, happy voice reached me through the phone pressed to my left ear.
“Yui-san, were you still up?”
It’s afternoon here, but it must be a little past eleven at night in Japan. Glad she wasn’t already asleep.
Still hugging the orca, I lay down on the bed. Closing my eyes, focusing on that beloved voice. I wanted to hear it more, better.
“Yeah, I’m up. How are you feeling, Kanata?”
“Still a little sleepy, but much better.”
Just a few days apart, and yet hearing her voice alone is enough to set my heart aching with longing, like a fire catching.
Being made to feel, all over again, just how much Yui-san has become the center of my whole life left something in me restless, unsettled.
Before dating her, I never thought I’d end up someone whose entire way of thinking revolved so completely around a partner.
“…Yui-san, so, um, I told my family. Just now.”
The moment I said it, I could hear her catch her breath, through the phone.
Only now, belatedly, did I understand why Yui-san had looked so genuinely worried, right before I told my father “I’m dating a woman.”
Coming out to your family — it takes an almost unimaginable amount of courage.
I’d believed, so firmly, that everything would be fine — and yet, even so, my hands and feet had trembled, my throat had gone dry, and my heart had pounded so hard, so relentlessly, it felt like it might actually be beating against my own ribs from the inside.
Knowing that feeling now, I understood something.
Maybe, in the past, Yui-san had once tried to tell her own father too. That’s probably exactly why she’d looked so worried.
I think she must have experienced this same bottomless tension, this indescribable anxiety, herself, at some point.
“…How’d it go?”
Her voice, anxious, and I couldn’t help a small laugh.
“It was nothing to worry about at all. Both my mom and dad accepted me.”
I decided to keep it secret from Yui-san, for now, that my brother had been shouting “bring her here right now!”
“Your father’s sure to understand too, Yui-san. Because he’s your father.”
I could hear Yui-san let out a long, relieved breath.
“I see… I’m glad. Kanata… thank you, really.”
Hearing that she meant it, genuinely, from the bottom of her heart, something in my chest warmed, slow.
Being accepted by my parents had eased both our hearts far more than I’d ever imagined it would.
“I want to see you, Yui-san… soon.”
“…Yeah. I want to see you too, soon.”
There’s still work left to do, if we’re going to stay together, always, from here on.
But today, I think, I’m allowed to be happy about clearing this first small hurdle.
Next time, I’ll definitely come here together with Yui-san. Once every problem’s been cleared away.
The day I get to introduce you to my father, my mother, and my slightly grumpy little brother — I can hardly wait for it to come.
＊＊＊
My first trip home in two years passed by far faster than I’d expected.
Before I knew it, the new year had arrived, and, just as quickly, the day to fly back came around.
Having bought far too many souvenirs, my luggage had swollen considerably, and packing turned into a genuine struggle.
Once the tightly-packed suitcase was loaded into the back seat, Kaname climbed into the driver’s seat, and I followed into the passenger seat.
“Sorry, Kaname. Thanks for driving me.”
Fastening my seatbelt as I said it, Kaname, still faintly sulking, gave a small nod. Waving to our parents through the open passenger window, the car pulled out toward the airport.
Watching the scenery slide past the window, drowsy from the car’s gentle rocking, Kaname suddenly, heavily, opened his mouth.
“Hey, so, sis.”
“Mm?”
“…Isn’t it a little early to be deciding on marriage, though?”
“Huh?”
Said so suddenly, with no context at all, I turned to look at his profile, still facing forward, hands on the wheel. His brows were drawn tight, unmistakably displeased.
He’d been sulking this whole time since I told him — I’d figured something was on his mind, but I never expected him to bring it up right here, on the way to the airport, and it caught me a little off guard.
“I mean, of course I want to be happy for you. But I still can’t tell, without actually meeting her… whether she’s really someone who’ll treasure you properly…”
Right as he got that far, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. I never imagined he’d been thinking about it this seriously.
I’d assumed he was just sulking. Turns out he’s grown up far more than I gave him credit for.
“Wh-why are you laughing? I’m being pretty serious about this, you know.”
“Kaname, same-sex couples can’t marry in Japan.”
“Eh, seriously!?”
“Yeah. And besides, I haven’t actually been proposed to yet.”
Saying that, I held up my ring-less left hand for him to see. At that, Kaname let out a deflated “what…” sigh and slumped back against his seat.
Not yet, anyway. Right now.
As long as there are still unresolved problems standing in the way, I can’t put a ring on this finger yet.
But — once everything’s settled, maybe then, I think, I’m allowed to hope a little. Because Yui-san promised me, back in summer — “next time, I’ll buy you a ring.”
“…But next time, I’ll definitely bring her along. I’ll properly introduce her to you too, Kaname. She’s really beautiful, so you’ll probably be jealous.”
“I won’t be jealous. My girlfriend’s definitely cuter.”
Sticking his tongue out, I laughed. Apparently, through everything, Kaname’s still going strong with the girlfriend he’s had since high school. That, I imagine, is probably why he chose not to go to college in Japan.
The car sped on, straight toward the airport.
Leaving my family behind is lonely, but soon, I’ll get to see Yui-san again. Just thinking that, my heart kept racing, faster and faster.
＊＊＊
Enduring the long flight, one I never quite get used to no matter how many times I take it, I finally reached Haneda.
Collecting my suitcase, I hurried toward the exit.
Just as promised, Yui-san was waiting right there by the arrivals gate. The moment our eyes met, her face broke into a bright smile.
Running straight toward her, I threw myself into those open arms. The instant our bodies pressed close, my nearly-empty heart’s fuel tank filled, instantly, completely full.
“I’m home, Yui-san.”
“Welcome home, Kanata. I really was so lonely. I missed you.”
That clear voice, so different from over the phone, rang through my ears, shaking something deep in my chest too.
Breathing in Yui-san’s beloved scent, filling my lungs, I hugged her body back, tight, with everything I had.
*
Once she’d loaded my suitcase — heavier now, packed even fuller than on the way there — along with the paper bags of souvenirs into the trunk, I settled into the passenger seat of her familiar, beloved car.
Fastening my seatbelt, Yui-san pressed the button under the wheel, and the engine hummed to life. Pressing the accelerator, the car pulled out. Destination — my apartment.
“Oh, right, did you find a good perfume for Ritsu-san’s souvenir?”
“I ended up having no idea myself, so I just let the store staff pick for me, honestly. I need to go give it to her too.”
“Ah, Ritsu’s actually back visiting family right now too. She shouldn’t be back yet.”
So Ritsu-san had gone home too. I think I remembered, from that one New Year’s shrine visit together, that her family home was in Akita.
“…Come to think of it, Yui-san, have you already been to the shrine this year?”
“No, not yet. Didn’t really feel like going alone.”
“I see… Well, since we’re at it, want to go now?”
“Eh, right now? Kanata, aren’t you sleepy?”
Apparently worried about my jet lag, Yui-san glanced my way, briefly, while driving.
“I’m fine, not sleepy at all right now. We need to pray properly, draw a fortune, and wish for good business luck.”
Seeing Yui-san has my nerves wound up enough that I’m not sleepy right now. But I know that once I get home and crawl into bed, I probably won’t wake up again.
So if we’re going, now’s the only chance.
“I see, got it. Then, let’s go now.”
Yui-san laughed at my suggestion. And turned the wheel toward a different direction than home.
＊＊＊
Being past the traditional first three days of the new year, the shrine had fewer visitors than I’d expected. Rubbing my hands together against the cold, Yui-san held one glove out to me.
The gloves I, as “Santa,” had given her — just as I’d hoped, they fit her long fingers perfectly.
Taking them, I slipped one onto my left hand, and she gripped my right hand tight. That hand, still joined with mine, was drawn straight into Yui-san’s coat pocket.
*
Tossing every last coin I had into the offering box, I rang the bell, loud, clattering. Then clapped my hands firmly.
Beside me, I glanced, briefly, at Yui-san, palms together, eyes closed.
What could that serious profile possibly be wishing for? Too tactless a thing to ask, of course.
I closed my eyes once more too.
Back in college, Yui-san had told me — “the gods have never once granted my wishes.”
This time — please, let Yui-san’s wish finally be heard.
That’s all I wished for. Praying, with everything in my heart, to the gods.
*
Having properly delivered our wishes, we walked the shrine grounds, hand in hand.
Last thing left — drawing our fortunes.
Reaching into the box, I stirred it around, then pulled one out, the one that felt right.
A beat behind, Yui-san quietly drew one too.
Heart pounding, I unfolded the paper wrapping. What leapt into view was the character for “Great Blessing” — the very best fortune. Delighted, hopping in place, I held it up right in front of Yui-san’s face.
A moment later, Yui-san, unfolding her own, held her paper up in front of my face too, smiling, happy.
Side by side on a tree branch in the shrine grounds, we tied our two “Great Blessing” fortunes together.
I don’t know whether these fortunes will actually come true. But I want to believe they will.
This year, without question, is going to be a happy one for us both.