Episode Thirty-Six
First time I’ve ever been up on the rooftop. Normally it’s locked, and a sign on the heavy door reads No Entry. Not really a place a student council president should be visiting without permission.
“Hot, but the breeze feels nice.”
Fuuka narrowed her eyes happily against the stirring wind and sat down in the shade near the entrance.
“Sit down. It’s too hot over there, right?”
“…Yeah.”
Feeling some kind of pressure from her I couldn’t quite name, I did as she said and sat beside her. The concrete was cold, and it felt good.
“So, you get what I want to talk about, right?”
“…I don’t.”
“Stop that. You’re not okay right now, Yuna.”
Me right now, huh. Feels like I’ve been not okay for a long time now.
“I don’t know. Just leave me alone for now.”
I mumbled it, burying my face against my raised knees. Taking it out on Fuuka, who’s only worried about me. Truly the worst.
“There’s no way I can just leave you alone.”
“…Rely on me.”
Fuuka’s low voice clung to my ear and wouldn’t let go. Why does she look like she’s in so much pain right now? Her kindness is painful to receive today.
“…Can’t. I’m the worst, so.”
“Fine, be the worst. I’m the same.”
There’s no way we’re the same. I can’t imagine Fuuka ever hurting someone the way I have.
“…Can’t, I just can’t. Sorry… I’m sorry.”
My vision blurred, slowly, wetly.
Apparently the tears hadn’t run dry after all. I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since waking up, so where were they even coming from?
“Don’t… cry.”
“I don’t want to see you crying, Yuna.”
A hand settled gently on my shoulder.
I want Fuuka to smile. And yet right now she’s crying right alongside me. I hurt Ao, and now I’ve hurt Fuuka too. Who’s next?
Under a sky stretching endlessly blue, the sound of two people crying filled the rooftop for a while.
Even after the tears eased, I kept my face buried against my knees, mouth shut.
“I still won’t forgive this.”
She said it with clear, deliberate force, and forced my face up from where I’d kept it lowered.
“You’re coming with me after school. Say no all you want, I’m not letting you go. I’m not sending you home until you’ve told me everything.”
She brought a finger gently to the corner of my eye and wiped away the tears still pooling there. An expression tangled up somewhere between anger and worry. I’ve never seen Fuuka wear a face like that before.
Would Fuuka comfort me? Would she smile for me? Or would she be angry? Hating myself for having nothing to say, I looked away and caught sight of the plastic bag stuffed with sweet bread rolls.
She’d been so looking forward to lunch, and here she was, not eating a single bite, sitting with me instead.
Hiding the tears threatening to spill again, I pushed Fuuka’s hand away and buried my face back against my knees.
“…If you’re not going to be angry, I’ll go.”
“That’s… hard to say, hm~”
Her voice, drifting after a short pause, felt strangely warm.
With my lunchbox still full and untouched in hand, Fuuka led me by the hand back to the classroom. I lifted my lowered eyes for a moment and caught sight of Ao’s bag.
So she’d come to school after all. I hadn’t noticed, because I’d been avoiding looking the whole time. But I’m glad she made it in.
I pulled my eyes away from Ao’s seat and back to the phone in my hand. A few messages had arrived, but I didn’t feel up to reading them right now. Probably nothing important anyway.
What must Ao be feeling right now, sitting in class. What does she think, seeing me like this? Does she find me disgusting? Frightening? Or does she just pity me?
The more I think about it, the tighter my chest gets. I want to forget all of it, and yet the feel of that moment is still sitting on my lips, refusing to leave.
What would even change by telling Fuuka? My own feelings settling wouldn’t mean anything. It’s not my comfort that matters — it’s Ao’s that needs looking after, and I haven’t managed that at all.
Without even the energy left for a sigh, I kept my face pressed against the cold desk until the chime finally rang.