Episode 6

“Senpai.”

“I was so scared.”

Seriha’s tears show no sign of stopping. But she keeps speaking.

“I kept thinking — what if you never gave me an answer. What if somewhere along the way you changed your mind.”

“I was so worried. I was frightened, the whole time. But I didn’t want to make you feel anxious, so I kept smiling.”

I know. Even if I was going through the motions of not disliking her — until an answer was given, some part of her was carrying something like pain. All along.

I knew, and I still let her carry it.

“I’m sorry. My mind had been made up for longer than you know. But — I want to be with you for a long time. So I needed to be certain before I said anything.”

That day, we made a promise to ride on from dream to dream together. I am not letting go of her now.

“For a long time…?”

Her voice is softer than it ever is. Something that doesn’t sound like herself.

“Yes. For a long time.”

“I think — by now, I don’t know how to live without you. Because no matter what I’m doing, you’re always in my head. I want to go everywhere with you. I want to do everything with you. I want to see more sides of you than I’ve seen yet.”

“You said you’d show me dreams, one after another. I haven’t forgotten.”

She turns away, hiding a face that’s threatening to crumple. I bring my hand to her cheek. At last our eyes meet.

“So —”

“Stay with me. Always.”

I reach over and gently wipe the tears at the corner of her eye, and smile at her. Even with her face wrecked from crying, my Seriha is more beautiful than anyone.

“Senpai!!”

“I love you! I’ve loved you — for so, so long —!”

“Ten years and it never changed. I love you. I always will.”

The arms she’s wound around my back are shaking. Ten years of feeling are packed into that trembling.

I say nothing, and simply run my hand up and down her back while she cries into my shoulder. Even a moment like this will be a memory we keep.

The sun has gone down and night is coming, but apparently there’s still time before the next reservation.

“I’m sorry. I was so happy I lost the thread of everything.”

She’s been soaking my shoulder for a while, but she seems to have found herself again at last.

“No, don’t apologise. And I’m sorry for the strange timing — I’d been wanting to say it, and I suddenly felt like it had to be now.”

I’m pretending to be composed, but my heart has been hammering this entire time.

She looks at me, eyes still soft from tears, and asks:

“I’m so happy right now. What about you?”

Happy. There’s no other word, and I don’t need one.

I open my mouth to answer, and then something comes to me, unbidden.

What if I’d never run into her that night, when I was there in my misery? What would I be now? Would I still be living like someone already dead?

The thought of a life without her passes through me.

“Senpai…?”

Oh.

My vision goes blurry and I can’t see anything clearly.

“I — I’m sor —”

I hadn’t meant to cry. But my throat is producing sounds I didn’t ask it to, and I can’t stop them.

“I’m happy — this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life —”

“But when I think about what would have happened if I’d never found you —”

A moment ago I was the one rubbing her back.

The amusement park is approaching closing time, and the only sounds filling it are my crying and the rusty mechanism of the merry-go-round.

“We are, laughably, completely in love.”

Her voice, tear-blurred but laughing, finds its way into my chest.

“…It was supposed to be one-sided.”

Happy. I think I really am, right now, deeply happy.

Because I’ve made a promise to be with Seriha always.

It will be lonely when this date ends — lonelier than anything. But we’re going to be together always. One night, I can manage.

“Senpai.”

“I want to kiss you.”

Bright, large eyes meet mine. The eyes I love most. The eyes that reached through my sleepless nights and held me there, that have been watching over me all this time.

“You don’t have to ask. And I’m not going to say stop.”

I close my eyes, and a warmth spreads from my lips through my whole body. Soft, and I want it to go on forever.

It withdraws once, and then the warmth returns.

“—!”

What had been a gentle, birdlike press of lips becomes something warmer, something that works its way through. Her tongue traces the inside of my mouth; I pull back and my own tongue is caught and drawn into hers, and a soft, wet sound stays in my ears.

My hand on her shoulder is trembling. A small sound escapes me.

“Sto — wait — stop —!”

A fine, long thread between us. The merry-go-round has stopped. In this place, all that remains is the sound of our breathing.

“You said you weren’t going to say stop.”

That playfully wicked smile. I’ve seen it so many times, and it feels like the first time.

Maybe the fear has left her, and now her real smile can bloom.

“That sort of thing is…only when no one’s around.”

I look away from her and bring my cup to my lips.

“Senpai, that was the most pleasurable-looking expression I’ve ever seen on you. You’re so cute.”

She leans in until her face is nearly at my ear, and my poor heart accelerates further.

“Are you staying over tonight? You have tomorrow off, don’t you?”

My breath catches and the words come out as a cough. I meet her gaze sidelong, and find her laughing quietly behind her hand, clearly delighted with herself.

That’s how it’s always been. Two years younger, and she runs circles around me. She’ll keep running circles around me now that we’re together, I’m sure of it.

“Be quiet. Dinner, remember. Let’s go.”

I stand up sharply, shaking off the heat that’s settled over my whole body, and hold out my hand.

“Come on.”

The hand that takes mine squeezes tight, and without meaning to, my cheeks go soft.

“Hiito-senpai.”

“I love you. The real kind.”