Episode Ten: How Can I Make It Right?
There are things you’re allowed to do in this world, and things you’re not.
Generally speaking, kissing someone without their permission when you’re not even dating them falls into the “not” category.
Yui-san had been more thoroughly drunk yesterday than I’d ever seen her, so it’s not like there’s zero room for leniency, I think.
It was just one kiss, not like it was my first ever. Dumping a glass of water over her head might have been a bit much, I thought, my head strangely clear now that morning had come.
I woke much earlier than usual. Even now, the sensation left on my lips still hasn’t faded.
Will Yui-san call out good morning like always, like nothing happened? I don’t know. I can’t even imagine it.
I crawled slowly out of bed and headed for the shower. I wanted to escape this house, even by a single moment, before Yui-san woke up.
*
The landlady’s door opened just as I’d finished packing my Boston bag and was ready to leave the house.
“…Morning, Kana… ta…”
Yui-san appeared in the living room looking rough from her hangover, pressing a hand to her forehead, and blinked, startled. She looked at me first, then her eyes dropped to the bag in my hand.
Compared to yesterday she looked oddly fresh, so she must have showered after all that. Made sense — you can’t exactly go back to sleep after getting a glass of water dumped over your head.
“…What’s with the bag?”
“I’m staying at a friend’s place for a while. Don’t worry about it. Bye, then.”
“Wait, hold on, Kanata!”
I made straight for the entryway, fleeing the sound of footsteps chasing after me, but she caught up in the hallway and grabbed my hand.
I turned around to find Yui-san wearing a faintly troubled expression.
Such an infuriatingly beautiful face, honestly. This face is probably the whole problem. All the women in the world spoiling this person is exactly what turned her into this.
“…Yui-san. Do you remember what you did to me yesterday?”
If she said she’d been too drunk to remember, I was going to slap that face of hers. That was the look I gave her.
Yui-san, seeming to resign herself, took a deep breath and murmured that she remembered. Her voice sounded like it might vanish entirely.
“…You’re angry, aren’t you.”
“…Do I look like I’m not angry?”
If she asked why I was angry, I couldn’t have explained it properly yet. I thought I needed time. Time to actually sort out my own thoughts.
If I faced Yui-san before that, I felt like I’d end up throwing out words I didn’t even mean, so for now, I just wanted distance. For both our sakes.
“Sorry, I was really drunk yesterday…”
“I’m leaving now. I’ll be late.”
I shook her hand off and bolted out the entryway like I was running from something. I thought I heard her say wait, but I ignored all of it.
I didn’t want to hear the rest of that sentence.
I was drunk, so anyone would have done.
If she’d said that, I really would have slapped her, this time for real.
＊＊＊
There’s exactly one friend I could think to ask, sorry as I felt about it, to let me crash at her place for the night.
The friend I’d nervously asked agreed far more readily than I’d expected.
Her name is Azumi Yuuri, hair pulled back in a shoulder-length blonde ponytail. My very first friend at university.
Yuuri, from out of the prefecture, lives alone on the second floor of a student one-room apartment.
She’s apparently a huge rock music fan, and the walls of her not-exactly-spacious room are plastered edge to edge with posters of bands I don’t recognize.
Without a single complaint about me showing up unannounced straight from campus, she moved the guitar by her bed aside and laid out a futon she said was for guests. I sat down on it, knees drawn up.
“Thanks for letting me stay, Yuuri. Really, thank you.”
“You can stay as long as you want, honestly, but running away from home — did you and your senior have a fight or something?”
She poked at my Boston bag, grinning, clearly enjoying this, which made me squirm. There’s no way I could say it. That Yui-san kissed me and I got mad and ran away.
“…Well, more or less.”
“I’d heard Ichinose-senpai was the nice type — guess not so much, huh? Maybe just not a good match for you?”
No, she’s kinder than the rumors even suggest. Whether we’re a “good match”… honestly I couldn’t say myself. I think life with Yui-san is comfortable, but I have no idea what she thinks of it.
“She is kind. She’s kind, but… sometimes I have absolutely no idea what she’s thinking.”
“Hmm. So, this fight — whose fault is it?”
Asked that directly, I got stuck. Yui-san caused it. But dumping water on her was too much on my part too. So if you ask whose fault it is…
“…It’s complicated.”
“Ahaha, what’s that.”
Yuuri laughed, easygoing about it. She doesn’t dig deep or pry, but she still listens properly, and I genuinely like that about her.
“You get so sick of your senior you don’t even want to live with her anymore?”
“It’s not like that, I just don’t have it in me to face her right now.”
“But the longer it goes, the more awkward it gets, seriously.”
“I know that but…”
I know. I know, but I don’t know what expression to wear, and it’s got me stuck.
After that, a message had come from Yui-san saying she wanted to talk, come home — but I’d ignored it and turned my phone off.
I’m scared to face her. The longer time passes, the more the wave of anger recedes, and the more clearly the real reason I was angry comes into focus. I was angry, that much is certain. But it wasn’t because she kissed me.
I was angry that she’d touched me, careless enough to still be wearing another woman’s scent while she did it.
Once I understood that, I couldn’t bring myself to blame the kiss itself anymore.
Because it hadn’t been unpleasant. Which surprised even me.
“Don’t you want to make up with your senior?”
“I do… I want to make up.”
I hugged my knees tight. I’m fully aware I’m acting like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum right now.
Yuuri’s phone chimed. A message from someone, apparently, and her thumb slid across the screen.
“I see. Well, there’s a lot going on, huh. Oh, Kanata, go take your bath first.”
“Huh, is that okay?”
“Take your time. Water just finished heating anyway.”
She waved a hand, breezy about it, so I took her up on the offer and went to bathe first.
*
Yuuri’s apartment is student housing, so the tub isn’t very big.
I’d lived in that house long enough to get used to it, but this reminded me all over again just how genuinely wealthy Yui-san is.
An ordinary house doesn’t come with a jet bath, and this — this is probably what normal student housing looks like.
I hugged my knees and sank down until the water reached my chin. I’m the one who ran away from home, so why is it.
Right now, I want, more than anything, to see Yui-san.
Weird. I was supposed to be angry.
“…‘Cute, and not a hassle,’ huh.”
My own voice echoed in the bathroom. Well, of course I’m not her type, then, I thought.
*
I dried my hair and came out of the changing room to hear Yuuri on the phone with someone. I opened the door separating the hallway from the room.
“Oh, you’re out?”
“Sorry, were you on a call?”
“She just said she got here. Ichinose-senpai.”
“What?”
I tilted my head, not following. Yuuri turned back to the phone, said room two-oh-three, and hung up.
“Ichinose-senpai just called.”
“Why does Yuuri have Yui-san’s phone number?”
Wait, don’t tell me they’ve — no, surely not. Yuuri seemed to see straight through my sudden suspicion and laughed.
“You know Nakahara Ritsu-san?”
“I know her. Yui-san’s friend, but…”
“Got a message through a club senior just now — apparently she’d been asking around for whoever’s closest with the girl sharing a room with Ichinose-senpai, and that led to me.”
Ritsu-san’s social circle is way too big, isn’t it. From the sound of it, Yui-san, at her wit’s end, must have turned to Ritsu-san for help. I don’t know how much she’d explained, but the fact that Ritsu-san didn’t just contact me directly, even in a situation like this, makes me think — for all the insults they throw at each other, those two really are close friends.
Hearing that Yui-san had come, I froze up, and Yuuri draped a jacket over my shoulders from behind.
“So you don’t catch a chill after your bath. She’s searching for you this frantically — figured she must really want to make up, so I gave her the address. You can still stay here if you don’t want to go back, though — what do you want to do?”
My resolve completely crumbled. I was supposed to be angry, and yet I’m happy she came to get me — even I can see the contradiction in that.
“………..I’ll go back. Thanks, Yuuri.”
“Make sure you actually make up, okay?”
“…Yeah.”
This is exactly the part of me that’s no good. No wonder people call me high-maintenance.
The intercom chimed, and Yuuri opened the door. Yui-san stood outside it.
She should have been hungover, and yet, dressed for going out, she was as composed as ever. Not a trace of exhaustion or unease showing, she smiled, bright.
“Sorry for the late hour, nice to meet you, I’m Ichinose Yui.”
“I’m Kanata’s friend, Azumi Yuuri, nice to meet you.”
Barely finishing the introductions, Yui-san’s eyes landed on me, standing frozen with the jacket draped over my shoulders. Unable to take the first step, I hesitated, and Yuuri gave my back a firm push toward the door.
“…Kanata, let’s go home.”
Said so gently that I nodded, reluctant as I made it look, and Yui-san smiled, relieved.
“Sorry for keeping you up so late, Yuuri.”
“It’s fine~. See you at school.”
“Yeah.”
I waved goodbye to Yuuri, and once we’d parted, I spotted Yui-san’s car parked beside the apartment building. Black, gleaming, unmistakably luxury.
“Kanata, let me take your bag.”
She took my Boston bag from me, and I followed a step behind her. She opened the passenger door and gestured me in, and I climbed obediently into the car.
Alone with Yui-san in the car. She handed me a warm milk tea, and I startled.
“Bought it at the convenience store just now.”
“Thank you…”
This is Yui-san’s good side and her bad side, all at once. This exact thing, right here. Why did nobody ever teach this person that you’re not supposed to be this kind to people who aren’t the one you love.
Oblivious to all of that turning over in my head, the car pulled out toward home.
After that, Yui-san didn’t say a single word the whole ride. I didn’t know how to bring anything up either, so I stayed quiet too.
I stole a glance at her profile. Composed, and though we’re only two years apart, she felt so much more grown-up than me.
The drive home felt impossibly long.
*
“Welcome back.”
She said it the moment we stepped into the living room, and I had no idea how to respond, so I just looked down.
Storming out of the house that morning with so much bravado, and now acting like a cat brought in from outside — I guess I couldn’t really complain if someone called me on it.
Sit down, she said, gesturing to the sofa, and once I’d settled obediently onto it, Yui-san knelt on the floor and took my hand in both of hers, resting on my knee.
Not running from it at all, her eyes held mine, steady and serious, straight on.
“Kanata. Let me properly apologize for yesterday.”
I squeezed her warm hand back. I’d thought I needed to apologize to Yui-san too, but the fact that I keep looking down is probably because I’m letting myself be spoiled by her.
“I’m sorry for kissing you. Having another woman do that to you — that must have felt awful.”
Wait, why does it come out like that. I looked up sharply, and Yui-san gave a faintly lonely smile. No, that’s not it, that’s not it at all.
“If you can forgive me, I’d like for us to go on living together, if that’s alright with you.”
“…Yui-san.”
I said her name, cutting her off. Don’t misunderstand. I gripped her hand tight.
“It’s not that I hated the kiss. I never thought it was disgusting.”
Yui-san’s eyes widened slightly, surprised.
“…Then, what was it you hated?”
Her voice, soft and gentle. Just having that voice say my name feels like it’s dragging out the softest, most defenseless part of my heart.
What did I hate about it. As if I could just say that.
“…I don’t want to say.”
“Eh? But I won’t understand if you don’t tell me. I can’t even apologize properly.”
Yui-san said it, looking troubled.
“It’s fine, don’t apologize. What about you, Yui-san — aren’t you mad about the water?”
“The water? I’m not mad. I was the one in the wrong.”
“…You think I’m a hassle, don’t you.”
“I don’t, I really don’t.”
Her gentle smile melted away something that had been frozen solid in my chest. I should have just talked to her from the start instead of running.
“Hey, Kanata. What do I have to do for you to forgive me?”
Honestly, I’d already forgiven her ages ago. But since Yui-san was offering, so kindly, I figured I might as well let myself be spoiled by someone willing to spoil me.
“…I was lonely. We’d barely even been apart, and because of you, I ran away from home.”
The moment I said it, Yui-san laughed and stood up. She sat down right beside me and pulled me into a tight hug.
Nestled against her chest, I caught the scent that belonged to Yui-san and no one else, unmixed with anything. I love this smell more than I can stand.
Even knowing I could never have her all to myself, I still find myself wishing that inside these arms, at least, could be a place that belongs only to me.
“I really am sorry. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
“…Anything? Really?”
“Really. Anything.”
“…Then take me to the aquarium once summer comes. I want to see the orcas.”
The moment I murmured it, Yui-san laughed, hugging me tighter.
“The aquarium? Don’t you need to go with Hayakawa-kun for that?”
Why does she have to bring up Hayakawa-kun right now. What a mean person.
“It’s fine. Just promise me you’ll take me, Yui-san.”
“Got it, okay. I promise.”
She took my hand gently and linked our pinkies together. Laughing like this while I still can — the Boso Peninsula is quite far, after all.
Real summer is coming, from here on out. I had a feeling our relationship was about to shift, just a little, too.