Episode 9: “Meaning”
Creak — the bedroom door opened, and Heinz stepped out. From inside the room came the soft sound of sleeping breath; Claudia and Christa had made it safely to sleep, it seemed.
“Did something happen?”
“Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d have a bit of a drink.”
“I see.”
“…Sorry. That was a lie.”
Heinz let out a long, heavy sigh.
“…I got scared. If I fell asleep beside her, I was afraid I’d start believing she was real.”
The moment he said her, his eyes welled with tears.
(This man really is remarkably decent, I think.)
He was probably carrying guilt over the fact that they’d had a fake of their dead daughter made at all.
Heinz drew a letter from inside his coat and handed it to Fiine.
“It’s our daughter’s will. She was trying to say a proper goodbye, all along. And yet neither my wife nor I could bring ourselves to accept it.”
She opened the letter. Written in a shaking, unsteady hand were Christa’s feelings, put down in her own words.
“Dear Father and Mother,
Lately my hand shakes and I can’t move it very well. So I decided to write this letter while it still moves a little.
I love you both so much. And even though I haven’t met them yet, I love my little brother or sister too.
I wanted to be with you both so much longer. I’m sorry. I was happy, being your daughter.
Father. I think Mother will cry a lot, so please hold her, lots and lots.
Mother. I think Father will pretend he’s okay, so please talk with him a lot, and ask him how he really feels.
Father, Mother. Please take care of my little brother or sister. Even if I can’t meet them, I love them already, as their big sister.
And at the very end, please let me be selfish about two things.
Father, Mother — please, love my little brother or sister more than me.
But… but please don’t ever forget me. I’m sorry for being selfish.
Father, Mother, goodbye. I’m sure I’ll become a star, and I’ll always be watching over the three of you.
Christa”
Here and there across the letter were faint stains left by tears. Whether they were Christa’s own, or Heinz’s, or Claudia’s, there was no way to tell.
(I wonder what she was feeling, writing this letter.)
A body growing weaker by the day, death drawing steadily closer. With everything her small body had, she must have faced that thing called death head-on.
“…This time, for certain, I — we — have to say goodbye to our daughter.”
“Heinz-sama…”
“For Christa’s sake, and for the sake of the child who’s coming.”
Heinz looked straight at Fiine with eyes that had settled into resolve. He took the letter back from her, folded it carefully, and tucked it into his breast pocket.
“We can’t stay bound to the past forever. I understand that. …Even understanding it, my heart won’t keep up.”
With a sigh, Heinz went back into the bedroom. In the end, it seemed he’d decided to spend the night in that room after all.
“He’s a strong person, that man.”
“…Yeah.”
“Maybe it’s because of Claudia-sama, and the child in her belly. Heinz-sama has to protect them. If he stayed bound to the past…”
Not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence, Fiine called out Yuria’s name loudly, cutting her off.
“Fiine?”
“R-right, going back to what we were talking about before — think about what you want. You can buy whatever you want too, Yuria.”
“…Sure. Thank you, Fiine.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. What rose up in her mind was a sight from that day she never wanted to remember. She wanted to forget it, and yet no matter how much time passed, she never could.
Countless corpses floating in a sea of blood. Limbs severed from bodies.
Human and monster alike, beyond counting, had lost their lives there.
Ordered to do it, she had killed monster after monster after monster.
Kill one, and ten more would come. Kill ten, and a hundred more. The orders had no end — the more she won, the longer the battle went on.
If Fiine hadn’t been there, the war would have ended far sooner than it did.
(Was there ever any meaning to my having been there at all?)