Episode 44
No matter how many times I go through this, it seems I still get nervous.
Every time this day comes around, a few times a year, the sickness in me builds to its peak, and getting to school at all becomes a struggle.
Today at least I hadn’t overeaten at breakfast, so throwing up shouldn’t be an issue.
I kept my reference book open right up until the last possible moment before the test, hammering the exam material into my head over and over.
No matter how much knowledge I forced in, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was slipping back out, and my body kept accumulating nothing but anxiety.
“Nanoha. Being that on edge just wears you out more. Relax your shoulders a little.”
“…Thanks.”
Yudzuki, carefree as ever, looked like she was having a good time today too.
With her in that mood, my own serious worrying started to feel foolish.
I brushed off Yudzuki’s attempt to bother me and turned my eyes back to my reference book.
But my heartbeat suddenly spiked, and I decided to step out of the classroom, book still in hand.
I wandered the school looking for somewhere with no one around.
Before I knew it, I’d ended up on the landing that leads up to the rooftop.
No one comes here in the morning.
Especially not right before a test.
I brushed the dust off the floor and sat down.
I took a slow, deep breath and opened the reference book.
After a moment, I heard footsteps climbing the stairs toward me, and I froze. And then, seeing the person who appeared in front of me, my body stiffened even further.
“Morishita…?”
She said nothing, came closer, and sat down beside me.
She opened her own textbook right away, looking at it as though nothing at all was happening.
Then, without so much as glancing my way, she started talking.
“Not feeling sick today?”
“Eh?”
Morishita, worried about me?
Could that actually be happening?
Was I dreaming?
“Are you worried about me?”
“Not particularly. I just came to see the funny face you make when you throw up.”
“That’s awful.”
Of course Morishita wouldn’t worry about me.
Wanting to watch someone’s face while they vomit is unhinged.
And yet, somehow, it struck me as funny, and I tightened my stomach to hold back a laugh.
“Think you can take first?”
“I will. I won’t lose to Yudzuki.”
“I’ll be angry if you don’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t get why I’d have to keep using that lame pen otherwise.”
“Eh?”
I couldn’t hide my surprise at those words.
The pen she meant was the dog-patterned one I’d pushed on her, wanting matching pens between us.
I’d shoved it on her and been satisfied with that, without caring whether she actually used it.
I couldn’t believe Morishita had actually been using it properly.
Morishita’s stupidly conscientious and kind…
“Hey, hey, Morishita.”
I gripped the hand of the girl sitting beside me tightly.
At first she tried to pull away, but she stopped resisting almost immediately.
“What?”
“I actually do feel sick.”
“Hm. Bathroom?”
“Not that kind of sick. I’m really anxious, my heart’s pounding hard, I feel dizzy.”
“I see.”
“If Morishita held me tight, I think I’d calm down a lot, so I want you to hold me.”
“What? No.”
“Figured.”
I’d already known what the answer would be.
Still, I wanted Morishita to know this weak version of me, right now.
“This happens every time before a test.”
“Huh.”
“It’s scary. It hurts. My chest aches.”
“I see.”
“But seeing Morishita made me feel a little better.”
I was exposing myself like this despite my fear, so I thought she could at least offer a slightly kinder word in return.
Well, I never expected Morishita to be particularly good at saying the right thing, so I wasn’t holding out much hope.
When I fell silent, Morishita stood up and started getting ready to head down the stairs.
Test time was getting close, so I forced my own reluctant body up and stood as well.
As I started walking, Morishita turned back, brow furrowed, looking like she wanted to say something.
But before she could say anything, my arm was pulled hard.
I lost my balance and stumbled straight into her.
Morishita caught my body firmly, and I was wrapped in a soft warmth.
It took a moment to understand what had just happened.
Before I could make sense of the situation, all I could feel was the vibration of her chest moving with each breath.
Her presence brought me a sense of security, and I felt myself released from the suffering I’d been feeling just moments before.
For some reason I nearly cried, and to cover it, I wrapped my arms around Morishita’s back and held on.
So I wouldn’t show any more of my weak self than this.
I lifted my face and looked up at her.
“Morishita, that was bold of you.”
“You’re the one who said to do it. And also…”
“And also?”
“Well, good luck.”
Clumsily, she patted my head a couple of times, then pulled away.
Because Morishita did something like that, warmth spread through my whole body as though a small flame had caught in my chest.
“Well, I’ll try my best.”
There was no one around to hear it, but I murmured it to myself anyway.
Morishita is unfair.
Being treated with that kind of kindness makes me want to not take first place after all, to keep finding more time to spend with her instead.
I slapped both my cheeks lightly, trying to snap myself out of that weak thought.
I hurried back to the classroom and got ready for the test.
Among the pens in my pencil case, the one with the loose, easygoing dog print came out.
Thinking that Morishita was using this same pen too made me want to laugh, and holding it back was difficult.
Grinning like this right before a test, I probably looked strange to anyone watching.
Still, my shoulders felt lighter than usual.
The dizziness, the nausea, the racing heart I always feel before a test, I barely felt any of it today.
If anything I felt buoyant, light enough that I thought I might float up and hit my head on the ceiling.
I’m an idiot.
Getting this elated just from being held by Morishita.
I slapped my cheeks again, sharply, to steady myself.
The first test of third year turned out to be the most enjoyable test I’ve ever taken.