#71: Mint Julep / ep.2
Only a few minutes had passed since the Diet, or rather Fat-Burning Game began, but Mikoto’s years of unhealthy living, stress, and lack of exercise had come back to haunt her like a vengeful spirit from a horror film. She had completely lost sight of the two women ahead of her.
One station from Kyōdō, near Gotokuji.
“Are you kidding me…!?”
She was panting and muttering more at her own physical deterioration than at the other two. If she kept running a few dozen metres before clutching her side and stopping for a breather, it was obvious she would end up being the trophy.
She put a hand on a roadside postbox and somehow managed to steady her breathing. Naturally, with the long holiday underway, there were plenty of people around. Their piercing stares hurt.
That was when a red SUV silently pulled up alongside her from behind.
“Hey, gorgeous. Want a lift?”
“Pick me up! Without making it obvious!”
“Hm?”
No one had said she wasn’t allowed to get in a car. Mikoto climbed straight into her sister’s back seat, knowing the vehicle well. For some reason, Toko was sitting in the passenger seat.
“Why is Toko-san here…?”
“I thought we could all have tea together! Sanae said it was fine for me to go too.”
“And when I went to pick her up, Aoi said you were running, so I came looking for you. Seriously, Sis, you don’t need to run, do you?”
“This isn’t just exercise. It’s a Game…!”
As the SUV drove slowly enough not to overtake the two women ahead, Mikoto explained the Game to Kotone and Toko. The moment they heard the story, they both burst out laughing as though it had nothing to do with them, leaving Mikoto to bury her face in the back seat.
“It’s not funny to me!”
“Who cares? Just let yourself get fucked. You get made to scream every night anyway, so what’s the difference whether it’s Shandy Sis or Rinko-chan?”
“That’s not—”
“Miiii-ko-shaaaa!”
Kotone had just exposed her nocturnal activities. Before Mikoto could deny it, Toko cut her off with a loud cry. Apparently, another case of incompatible interpretations had arisen. Her usual cheerful demeanour vanished, and she began rattling off her thoughts at top speed.
“There is absolutely no way anyone but Mikoto-san can win and put Shandy-san in last place! Because whoever wins is the top, right!? You absolutely have to win, and Shandy-san has to come last! Let’s run Shandy-san over, or kidnap her, as long as we don’t kill her!”
“You do realise I’m a celebrity, right, Toko Sis?”
“Oh, right…! Then Mikoto-san, overtake them both! For the sake of my interpretation!”
“There’s no way I can do that!”
“Ah, but this really is a Game…”
Perhaps something in Toko’s ridiculous remarks had given Kotone an idea. She pulled the SUV over and began pondering. Toko seemed to have realised something too. She suddenly produced a mysterious notebook labelled Yuri Notebook and began scribbling in it.
“How is this a Game…? It’s just a test of physical endurance…”
“No, think about it.”
Kotone rested her chin on the steering wheel. Her voice took on the slightly drawn-out quality she always used when she was organising her thoughts aloud.
“Right now Sis is in last place, so those two are going all out, yeah? Though I’m pretty sure neither of them actually wants to fuck Sis. They just don’t want Sis to get fucked.”
“RinMiko is an interpretation I can’t accept, yeah, I get it. In my head, Mikoto-san is overwhelmingly the top!”
“But Sis doesn’t want to be the prize, and she doesn’t want to fuck the prize either, right? So that means she can only aim for second place.”
“Exactly, exactly! Which means Sharin or Rinsha. This is really difficult…! Which one’s on top!?”
“If we’re talking lightness, Shandy Sis probably has the edge, but Rinko-chan’s got stamina. And she’s got explosive power too. Actually, for those two, the worst possible outcome is Sis finishing second.”
“Exactly! Even pairings where the two people hate each other… are wonderful! They might even fall in love from there…!”
“So they’ll do whatever it takes to stop Sis coming second…”
The conversation between Kotone and Toko was clearly taking place on entirely different wavelengths, but neither seemed to care. They were both people who never listened to what anyone else said, so it couldn’t be helped.
The real problem was that both of them were trying to fit the Game into the framework of their respective rules. This ridiculous Game had to be stopped immediately.
“No, if you’re going to think about something, think about how to stop the Game! There has to be some way!”
“You know how stubborn Shandy Sis is. Rinko-chan is just as fucking stubborn, so there’s no way you’re getting a peaceful solution.”
“You don’t care what happens to Rinko-san? You like her, don’t you!?”
“Wait, was it Kotori!?”
“Hmm. I don’t really care either way.”
Kotone seemed to be answering Toko’s question, but instead she looked at Mikoto and raised the corners of her mouth.
“Besides, Rinko-chan’s a former escort, so she’s had way more people than I do. She’s not Sis. At this point, I don’t care who she fucks or who fucks her.”
“Such profound love!”
“I don’t like it! I don’t want to give Shandy-san to anyone… Wait, what are you making me say!?”
“Possessiveness is also profound love!”
“Heh heh heh. Such a maiden, Sis. You’re absolutely against friends-with-benefits, aren’t you? I’m totally fine with it, though. Cheating and adultery too.”
“Mum! Dad! Your second daughter is a degenerate!”
“I’d hate Sanae cheating on me too! But everyone else can go for it as much as they like!”
“No! Anyway, I’m running!”
Mikoto rejected the terrifying propositions with all her strength and somehow managed to catch her breath.
However she looked at it, there was only one way to end this Game relatively peacefully. She climbed out of the back seat and returned to solid ground, then did some squats and stretched her Achilles tendons. At last, the pain in her side had subsided.
Through the power window, Kotone and Toko were grinning at her.
“You finally figured it out, huh? The only way to win this Game.”
“…Like Toko-san said at the beginning, I have to win and put Shandy-san in last place. There’s no other way, is there?”
“Yep! Personally, I’m rooting for MikoSha!”
“I have no idea what this MikoSha or Sharin or whatever is supposed to mean!”
Mikoto didn’t want to come last and become the prize. But neither did she want to come second and have the woman she loved enter into a fuck-or-be-fucked relationship with Rinko. That left only one option: Mikoto had to win and send Shandy into last place.
She had no idea how the difference in stamina between Rinko and Shandy would play out, but Shandy was slender. Surely she’d run out of stamina first.
Just as Mikoto was psyching herself up, Toko suddenly seemed to realise something and cut in.
“Ah, but even if Mikoto-san wins—”
“Right, then I’ll follow the absolute last-place runner as the medical support vehicle. Good luck!”
Before Mikoto could figure out what Toko had been about to say, the red SUV’s power window rolled up. It then began creeping along behind Mikoto, stopping and starting.
For the first time in years, indeed since her university days, Mikoto felt the fire of competition burning inside her as she took off towards Yoyogi Park.
*
Meanwhile, the two leaders were engaged in a fierce dead heat.
They had reached the halfway point of the Game, around Shimokitazawa Station, where the Odakyū Line ran underground.
“…You have more stamina than I expected.”
“You do too.”
“I’m starting to get tired, so why don’t you go ahead?”
“I wouldn’t abandon someone just because they’ve run out of steam. I’m getting a little tired myself.”
“Then why don’t you rest?”
“Why don’t you?”
Shandy and Rinko’s fierce dead heat was taking place at little more than walking pace.
That was only natural. They had both made a flying start outside the rigged vending machine in Kyōdō, but the initial momentum had lasted only so long. Both Shandy and Rinko had realised that the Game was a test of endurance.
So they were walking almost side by side, gauging each other’s strength and conserving their energy.
Neither actually had much stamina left, and there was still too much distance remaining to begin the final sprint. Whoever sprinted first was bound to lose. Shandy had reached that conclusion through the insight she’d honed through her Games, while Rinko had reached exactly the same conclusion through her experience as a former member of the track team.
“I’m impressed. You’re not as stupid as I thought, Rinko-san.”
“Then let me win.”
“You really think I’d let Mikoto suffer that humiliation? Not me.”
“I’ll say one thing, though. I’m definitely better when it comes to technique!”
“And I’ll say one thing to you. Without consent, it’s rape all the same.”
“Mikoto-san agreed to the Game! If I win, that’s consent!”
“An act without any feelings behind it would be empty, wouldn’t it?”
“Feelings come afterwards. Don’t underestimate a former escort.”
“How many women have you made cry with those tricks of yours?”
“You’re not exactly innocent yourself. How many people have you devoured with that venom in your words?”
“Do you remember how many slices of bread you’ve eaten in your life?”
“For breakfast I had granola and a smoothie. I’m cutting carbs at the moment! And why are you asking me about bread anyway!?”
“Heh. What Rinko-san lacks is intelligence, isn’t it? That was a famous cliché.”
“Don’t mock me!”
Neither their pace nor their argument yielded an inch. They were at a complete impasse. They continued their Game of trying to outmanoeuvre each other at a speed that was neither properly running nor walking, slow enough for even a little schoolchild jogging past to overtake them.
Perhaps Shandy had grown bored of the situation. Perhaps her usual mischievous streak had awakened. Or perhaps she simply intended to enjoy watching Rinko squirm. Whatever the reason, she changed the subject.
“How are things with Kotone-san? Ordinary actresses and managers don’t live under the same roof, do they?”
“There’s nothing going on, and we’re not living together. I’m just working for her as a live-in manager. You saw the five conditions, didn’t you?”
“Yes. The Five-Article Oath. Or perhaps the five impossible tasks from The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter.”
“Stop showing off your intelligence every five seconds! I hate people bragging about their education!”
“I left school after middle school.”
“That’s obviously a lie!”
“You can work it out. You know my age and my career history, after all.”
An unpleasant calculation began inside Rinko’s head. Mikoto didn’t know this, but Shandy was twenty-four. She had left the stage four years ago, at which point she had already been in the business for five years. Hotel Maverick had a performing-arts vocational school, and without graduating from that school, no one was given major or supporting-lead roles. The part Kotone had played at Maverick had been tiny beyond tiny.
When Rinko thought about it that way, Shandy’s claim did indeed seem plausible. But she’d concentrated so hard on the calculation that her feet had stopped moving.
Shandy was strolling ahead.
She’d been tricked.
“It’s unfair to make me stop by getting me to think!”
“Winning is everything.”
“You’ve made this mysterious-character persona, haven’t you!? Then act more mysterious!”
“I don’t care about people I don’t care about.”
“God, you’re annoying! I hate you too!”
“I hate you a hundred million times more.”
“I hate you a trillion times more!”
“Shall we stop this intellectually bankrupt exchange? People will question our refinement.”
“Whose fault is that!?”
“I lowered myself to the intellectual level of the person I was speaking to, so I suppose it’s yours.”
“You—”
Shandy giggled maliciously, and Rinko felt her anger about to explode.
But she realised it immediately.
This was Shandy’s aim. She was trying to shake Rinko, provoke her into getting angry, and make her launch the final sprint first. It was extremely cunning. She was using Rinko’s own desire to win against her with nothing more than her silver tongue.
“…I’m not falling for that. I’m not stupid enough to let you provoke me that easily.”
“Heh. Plus one point. Having something to protect really does make a difference, doesn’t it?”
“Are you trying to shake me by bringing Kotone into this now?”
“Oh? I didn’t say that what you have to protect was Kotone-san.”
Rinko faltered despite herself. Shandy’s words pushed and pulled, pulled and pushed, never leaving an opening. Rinko couldn’t understand how Mikoto managed to deal with someone like this.
“Do you remember what we talked about before? If my love is about nurturing, then yours is about protecting. For you, doesn’t the act of protecting carry some special emotion with it?”
“Kotone is off-limits!”
Rinko decided to lay her cards completely on the table. Every time she tried to hide her feelings, she ended up like Mikoto. Better to cut herself open from the start and get everything out.
“Oh my. Don’t you need to keep your private life with the woman you love a secret?”
“If I keep it secret, it’ll give it special meaning. So I’ll tell you everything. Ask Rinko the Manager anything you like. Kotone won’t complain if it’s you, and even if she does, I’ll shut her up.”
“At least the power dynamic is clear.”
With an amused laugh, Shandy began walking briskly alongside Rinko. They passed Shimokitazawa and entered Higashi-Kitazawa. The Odakyū Line, which had disappeared underground, was emerging into daylight again.
A race beside the railway tracks.
“Then answer yes or no. Do you hate Kotone-san?”
“Y! E! S! But as an actress, no!”
“Such complicated feelings. So romantic love and the feelings you have for your oshi are different?”
“Yes. Isn’t that obvious? Especially after being in a theatre troupe like that.”
“I made a point of never wondering what, exactly, my fans’ feelings towards me consisted of.”
Unlike Rinko, who rejected all contact and recognition, there were people who wanted to become friends with their oshi, or even something more. In idol circles, they were probably the majority.
Rinko didn’t know what sort of fans Kotone had as an actress rather than an idol, but considering the mountains of replies she received every time she updated Instagram or Twitter, there were clearly plenty of fans who wanted to be recognised by her, whether or not they understood the distinction between her public and private selves.
“…What their feelings consisted of. That’s a good way of putting it.”
What Shandy had been implying was that she never knew whether the feelings directed towards her were admiration, romantic love, or any other emotion, so she ignored what lay beneath the surface and responded only to what was plainly expressed. It was the standard safety measure taken by most celebrities.
Rinko finally understood.
“Is that why you can’t trust other people’s words or feelings?”
“Minus one point. Mikoto would never say something so lacking in consideration.”
“I have no intention of making you like me.”
Rinko thought she was beginning to understand, however vaguely, why Shandy had quit acting. A fan’s feelings could push their oshi forward, but they could also force them into a mould. When someone became too possessive and narrow-minded about their oshi, their affection could disappear the moment that person did something that wasn’t considered appropriate for their image.
“Then do you intend to have Kotone-san like you?”
“Impossible. Recognition denied.”
“She’s already memorised your face, name and body perfectly, hasn’t she?”
“That’s exactly what I can’t stand. I want her to remain the Kotone she is, proud and dignified, without ever noticing me.”
The moment she admitted that to herself, a faint sense of guilt began to sprout inside Rinko.
She desperately tried to stamp it out and justify herself.
“Rinko-san, may I ask you something?”
“What?”
Shandy stopped. Rinko took the opportunity to check the distance to Yoyogi Park on her phone and stopped too. It was still too early for the final sprint. If her opponent was taking a break, she should conserve her energy too.
Shandy answered Rinko’s suspicious, thoroughly displeased question with an unusually serious expression.
“Kotone-san is pitiful.”
The blade of those words struck Rinko cleanly. As Rinko stood there stunned, Shandy pressed on.
“You know how Kotone-san feels about you, don’t you?”
“…I don’t.”
“Don’t tell such a poor lie. Even Mikoto, who is hopeless when it comes to romance, has noticed how obvious Kotone-san’s feelings for you are. With your experience, you must be able to read them like an open book.”
Rinko knew.
She knew perfectly well.
That was precisely why no amount of worrying could ever resolve it.
“I can’t fall in love with my oshi.”
“Then tell me why you can’t.”
“There’s no need.”
“Who was it that said, ‘Ask me anything’?”
“This is my problem. It has nothing to do with you!”
“It is your problem together with hers, so it concerns Kotone-san too.”
“It doesn’t! It doesn’t!”
“Just how stubborn are you? And you call yourself experienced?”
“I don’t want to hear that from yo—wait. Are you finally dropping the act!?”
For an instant, Shandy’s expression darkened. Then she immediately covered it with a polite “My apologies” and wrapped herself once more in her impenetrable polite manner.
“Isn’t it that you can’t fall in love with Kotone-san because you’ve convinced yourself that you mustn’t?”
“Of course! Kotone is sacred and untouchable! I mustn’t touch her, and I mustn’t have any influence over her! I want her to remain the Kurosu Kotone she is now forever!”
“That is precisely what is impossible. We are alive. We move through time. There is nothing in this world that can stand against the trials of time, the passage of the years.”
“Stop flaunting your intelligence! I have no idea what you’re trying to say!”
“Panta rhei.”
“You’ve really gone too far now—!”
This was another attempt to shake her for the sake of the Game. Rinko mustn’t take Shandy’s bait.
She had nearly fallen for it, but somehow managed to keep her composure. Just as she wrote the word heart on her palm to calm herself, she wrote it in her mind and tried to recall the scent of her beloved ylang-ylang.
Shandy did not smile. She spoke with utter seriousness.
“Panta rhei, Greek. Everything in this world is subject to the flow of time. The human heart and body change from moment to moment. Beauty cannot be preserved.”
Rinko remembered having a conversation like this in the red SUV recently.
“…So what?”
“You love an illusion of Kotone-san that no longer exists.”
“So what if I do!? Kotone is my dream. I just want to keep dreaming!”
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, Rinko-san. Not as far as you are concerned. But…”
The corners of Shandy’s eyes tightened. With unmistakable contempt, her amber eyes, thin as crescent moons in their waning phase, pierced Rinko.
“…you are trampling on the feelings of Kotone-san, who trusted you enough to open her heart to you.”
At last, Rinko could bear it no longer.
“What do you know!? You’ll never understand how I feel, wanting to disappear whenever I’m in front of Kotone!”
“No, I don’t understand. I have no intention of understanding you, Rinko-san.”
“Then why did you push your way in here only to say something like that!? I can’t fall in love with Kotone! Someone like me mustn’t fall in love with—”
“Ah. Finally, I’ve dragged the truth out of you…”
For a moment, Rinko couldn’t understand what Shandy meant. A few seconds later, she realised that she’d exposed the very depths of herself that she should never have let anyone see.
Shandy sat down on a nearby bench, looking thoroughly exhausted by the whole affair. She patted the space beside her, inviting Rinko to sit.
“Tell big sister-in-law Charlotte all about it.”
“…Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need your kindness, or your pity, or anything like that.”
“Then think of it as repaying an old debt. You helped me once. Let me return the favour.”
Faced with Shandy’s gentle smile, Rinko began to feel as though she were the one in the wrong for being angry. Whenever Shandy surrounded herself with that effortless composure, Rinko somehow ended up cast as the villain. She hated it. She had been resisting it all this time.
All that kindness and composure was an illusion. Nothing more than a remnant of the actress who had once sold dreams.
And the more Rinko thought about it, the more she couldn’t help noticing both the perfection of the dream Shandy showed the world and the cracked heart hidden inside it.
Shandy wasn’t coming back.
Rinko remembered when Kotone had used the lighthouse metaphor.
Her oshi, Kotone, becoming a woman like Shandy, kind yet pitiful, was something Rinko could never accept.
“…If it’s repayment, I’ll accept it.”
“Heh. Such a tsundere.”
“Yeah, Rinko-chan’s totally tsundere-ish. Makes me want to bring her down even more.”
Rinko froze.
She could sense the presence of a woman who shouldn’t have been there behind her.
“…Was that a hallucination?”
She whispered it fearfully, but one glance at Shandy’s expression was enough to reveal the truth. A moment ago she had been smiling like a benevolent mother; now she was laughing with genuine delight.
“Shandy-san, Rinko-san. Aren’t you two in a hurry? Mikoto-san’s already gone.”
“What!?”
From the passenger seat of the red SUV that had pulled up beside them, Toko cheerfully waved.
Then two voices rang out simultaneously.
“Well, if you start sprinting now, you might just make it—”
Shandy and Rinko returned to the race without even waiting for Kotone to finish. Their faces, seen for an instant, were both so fierce that Kotone immediately imitated their expressions after watching them disappear.
The expression of two different kinds of love, one that nurtures and one that protects, was equally extraordinary.
“Looks like they’d be worth stealing too.”
Humming to herself, she released the handbrake, and the red emergency vehicle set off after the two women desperately running ahead.