Episode 139: 19 Years Old (3)

Endo-san is usually the one to wake up first.

But today she was sleeping with an almost startling contentment.

Last night I’d been sleeping peacefully when Endo-san woke me up again and again, and I hadn’t been able to sleep properly. I couldn’t remember clearly what she’d been saying — but while I hadn’t slept well at all, Endo-san was sleeping away with peaceful little sounds, and my mouth pressed into a slight pout.

I thought about pinching her cheeks — but doing something that unkind on her birthday didn’t seem right, so I stroked her hair, which was a little brighter in the sunlight than usual.

I traced her cheek with my finger, then her lips, gently.

Touching Endo-san’s lips like that, the memory of the sensation of touching her last night came back, and my face grew hot.

Part of me thought last night had been a dream — and yet my body still carried every feeling, every warmth of Endo-san from the night before, and I was wrapped in something too big to simply call embarrassment.

Since I hadn’t known what was right, there was still anxiety left in me — but she was still sleeping beside me, so it probably hadn’t been unpleasant for her.

That was what I had to tell myself.

Was she happy with the present?

I’d given it for my own selfish reasons — and here I was wanting her to be happy about it. I was too greedy.

A year ago I wasn’t this greedy.

Endo-san affects me enormously, for better and for worse. But I find myself rather liking the selfish version of me I am now.

I can’t imagine going back to the version of myself who was pessimistic about everything, with no hope for anything — and I don’t want to.

I have nothing but gratitude for Endo-san.

“Thank you, Endo-san——”
“Takizawa, good morning~”

She sat up and greeted me suddenly, and my body gave a little jolt.

“Good morning, Endo-san.”
“Won’t you call me by my name?”
“What are you talking about.”

Endo-san’s voice was a little more hoarse than usual from just waking up. Even that sounds cute — which is unfair. The world is unequal.

“You called me by it yesterday?”
“I didn’t.”
“Then will you call me?”
“No.”
“I turned nineteen today, you know?”

She looked at me with a slightly mischievous expression and a bright smile. If a little devil were to disguise itself as a human, it might look like this.

Looking at that face, I felt as though if I didn’t grant her wishes just for today, I’d be punished by some higher power.

“Hina…”
“You sound so reluctant.”
“I don’t.”
“Then say it again.”
“Hina——”

Endo-san seemed satisfied and broke into a smile, then moved to get out of the covers.

She gets what she wants and leaves — that’s not fair. I held her to stop her moving.

“What’s the matter?”
“Call me by my name too.”

This version of me was strange, and Endo-san might find it off-putting.

But I wanted nineteen-year-old Endo-san’s first name call to be mine. When she turned twenty, twenty-one — five years from now, ten years from now, every year from here on — I wanted it to always be mine.

A childish, selfish wish — and I was making Endo-san indulge it. But she was the only person I could be this selfish with.

“Hoshizora. Hoshizora——”

Endo-san leaned in close and called my name at my ear. Her pleasant voice reached my eardrum there and spread through my whole body. I had unconsciously stopped breathing.

“You don’t have to call me twice.”
“It doesn’t cost anything to say it more than once, does it?”

She was right — and yet that wasn’t the point. When Endo-san called my name, something in my chest squeezed tight.

There was no way to say any of that, so I kept ignoring Endo-san until she said we should get ready and got out of bed.

We finished getting ready, and decided to go back to our hometown for the first time in a long while.
The start of our first year of university had been so hectic there’d been no chance to go back, so it had been quite some time.

“It’ll be about a year since we last saw Mom and Dad.”
“It will. Takizawa, you don’t have to come with me, you know?”
“I’m coming because I want to.”

Endo-san sometimes tries to push me away like that. A mix of sadness and irritation rises up at it.

When we arrived at the grave, time had passed since our last visit, and there was some moss growing on it.
We carefully cleaned the stone with the cleaning supplies we’d brought.

Once it was clean, we offered incense, and I quietly closed my eyes.

Endo-san’s mother and father — please live happily in heaven.

…

That was always all I said, whether here or at the altar at home.
But today there was something else I needed to say.

I’m sorry. There’s something I’ve never told you.

I took a silent deep breath, making sure Endo-san beside me wouldn’t notice.

I’m in a relationship with Endo Hina. I am — for myself — imagining that I want to walk the long span of our lives together.
For as long as Endo-san wants to be with me, I’ll come to pay my respects to you every year. I would be so happy if you could watch over us warmly.

I conveyed that slowly, in my heart, and then once more I took a long, deep breath.

Endo-san’s mother and father. Thank you for bringing Hina into the world.

I opened my eyes slowly.

What were Endo-san’s parents thinking, up in heaven?

Did they find it unpleasant — two girls dating?
Did they never want to see my face again?
Did they want me to stay away from Endo-san?

None of those felt right.

I had the feeling they were smiling as they watched us.

People who had raised someone that wonderful.

Looking at Endo-san, I thought I could understand a little of what they must have been like.

“Takizawa, you were at it a long time?”
“Yeah.”
“What were you talking to Mom and Dad about?”
“It’s a secret.”
“That’s curious, tell me.”
“No.”
“If you won’t tell me I’ll kiss you.”

Endo-san was asking with an unusually cross expression. Being kissed in front of her parents like this would be a problem.

“I was asking for permission to have Endo-san.”
“What…?”
“Hehe. Endo-san, let’s head back before it gets dark.”

I want to come to this place with Endo-san every year.

I wished I could have said those words to Endo-san’s parents while they were still alive. If they had been — what would it have been like?

Endo-san’s father seemed like the type who would spoil her utterly, so there’d probably have been quite a struggle.

Thinking that, a smile came to my face naturally.

“You look happy, Takizawa.”
“Yeah. It’s a day when I get to meet the family of someone precious to me.”

Saying that, Endo-san’s face went completely soft and dopey.

I took her hand and turned toward Endo-san’s old home.