Episode Sixteen
I’d meant to take Rin’s advice and go straight to sleep, but a shower woke me right back up again. I caught the sound of Ao and Dad getting home, but I’d left dinner somewhere obvious, so they’d probably found it. I was managing decent focus, so I decided to stay at my desk until the drowsiness actually arrived.
I’d gotten through maths, the subject I’m worst at, and let out a breath. No sleepiness yet, but it felt like a good stopping point — maybe that was enough for tonight. Just as I thought that, a tentative knock sounded at my door.
“Come in?”
I called out toward the door, and there was Ao in her loungewear, holding a textbook, giving a small wave.
“Sorry for the late hour. Still up?”
“Yeah. What’s up?”
Sweatpants and a plain T-shirt. Maybe because it’s been a bit chilly the last few days, her loungewear was showing less skin than usual, which I found myself relieved about. The skin of someone you love — probably better not to look at too much.
“I wanted you to help me study a bit. It’s late, but tomorrow’s a day off, so I figured it’d be fine.”
“Study… your grades are basically the same as mine, aren’t they?”
I murmured it with something like a sigh.
Unlike me, who does nothing but study, Ao has a part-time job too, and she still always lands in the top five of the year.
Fourth place last time. Third before that, and I think fourth before that too.
When did it start — looking for her name before my own, every time the test results go up?
“The wall between first place and everything below it is a big one. Onee-chan’s always been first, so you wouldn’t know.”
“…It’s basically the same. Whatever, give me a second.”
If Ao actually tried, I think she’d overtake me in no time. Studying is more or less the only thing I have going for me — if even that got taken away, I’d just be… a machine that makes food.
I pulled out the folding table I keep in the corner of my room. I only really use it when Fuuka comes over, so it had gathered a thin layer of dust.
“Your room’s as tidy as ever. Does Onee-chan’s room ever actually get messy?”
“It’s only tidy right now by coincidence. Mornings are a disaster.”
Maybe it was just something she said to fill a silence. But the small compliment made me happy enough that I had to fight to keep my face from doing something embarrassing.
Ao already had her textbook open and was sitting across from me — I went to get my own things ready, and she got up quickly and sat down right beside me instead.
“Wait, isn’t that cramped…?”
“This way’s better for studying.”
The table was long, but it was a folding one after all. With two people sitting side by side it got uncomfortably tight. And there was only room to open one textbook anyway.
“I’m the one being taught, so Onee-chan doesn’t need to open hers, right?”
“That’s true, but… you’re close.”
A sweet scent drifted from right beside me. Sweeter than my own shampoo, the kind that lingers in your nose. Some version of Ao now drifted through my room, the place I spend every day.
I couldn’t find the courage to ask why she didn’t just use the same shampoo as me.
“It’s this part—”
The long, slender finger pointing at the English textbook was something I’d thought, more than once, that I’d like to touch someday. I think I’d be fine with anything, if it was that finger doing it. Model student or not, ever since meeting Ao all I do is think things like this.
“So, that’s—”
To my surprise — though it’s a little rude to put it that way — nothing strange happened, and the time passed simply answering her questions. She picked things up far faster than Fuuka, by some enormous margin, which honestly impressed me.
“Onee-chan, you’re really amazing. Is there anything you don’t understand?”
“I was just reviewing earlier, that’s all. Not that I should say it about myself, but I’m the type who gets by on hours studied, not natural smarts.”
I answered while looking away from Ao, who stretched out hugely where she sat.
“That’s more impressive, if you ask me. Thanks for teaching me. That really helped.”
“Mm—!?”
A small impact against my side pulled an odd sound out of me before I could stop it. Ao had lain down and wrapped her arms around my waist, using my lap as a pillow, looking thoroughly pleased with herself.
“Ah, ah… wha— oh?”
“Onee-chan, you really never say my name, do you.”
Lying on her back, our eyes met. I wanted to look away, but a sight like this might never come again. And if I moved carelessly, I’d drop Ao’s head straight onto the hard floor.
“Th— that’s not true. There’s just never an occasion to.”
“I really don’t think that’s true. You said it at school too, didn’t you?”
“…Shut up.”
Every small shift of Ao’s head against me was enough to drive me half out of my mind. She’d be better off using the pillow on my bed than my lap. But if she used my pillow, I might never sleep again.
“…Getting sleepy.”
She let out a wide, irresistible yawn, then closed her eyes and settled into slow, even breathing.
“No, wait, too fast! You can’t fall asleep here!”
I patted lightly at her cheek, apologising silently in my head. Her cheek had that admired softness and bounce, and it felt wonderful against my palm.
“Then is it okay if it’s on a bed?”
Ao murmured it in a voice unlike her usual one, eyes barely open. Still lying there, she reached up and touched my cheek with a straight arm. It tickled, but I didn’t dislike it.
Studying was done and tomorrow was a day off from school too. Ao was probably in a good mood and just teasing me for fun. I had to keep telling myself that, or the wall standing tall inside my chest might come crashing down.
“Y— your own room’s bed is fine. Goodnight.”
I caught the outstretched arm and gently helped her sit back up. I’d expected more resistance, but she got up easily enough.
“Onee-chan, your face is bright red.”
“Don’t know what you mean. Go to sleep already.”
I turned my face away and said it flatly, and a familiar shutter sound reached my ears.
I turned toward the sound on reflex and found Ao gazing happily at her phone, shoulders shaking with quiet laughter. On the screen: me, cheeks flushed red, mouth twitching into something that wasn’t quite a smile.
“Can I make this my lock screen?”
“Absolutely not. Delete it.”
“I can’t keep up with you anymore.”
I let my back fall against the hard floor and stared up at the ceiling. Lying down like this, my heart, which had been making noise this whole time, sounded even louder.
“You’re so kind about everything else, but stingy only about this.”
“In that case — let’s take one together. I want it for our chat background.”
“Ugh……… I’d rather it be when I look a bit more put together.”
“I’ll take one of that too, separately. Right now, I want one with the Onee-chan in front of me right now!”
“…Let me fix my hair first.”
Sitting in the middle of the night, brushing each other’s bedhead — even I had to laugh a little at how strange it felt. Somehow it felt like something sisters might actually do. I don’t know any real sisters, so maybe I’m wrong about that.
“Want to take the glasses off?”
“No. This is our private chat background, just the two of us — I want the Onee-chan that only I get to see.”
“Ugh…”
The worst. Something ugly that had taken root in my chest keeps growing bigger.
With our hair only roughly brushed into some kind of order, both of us still in our scruffy loungewear, we took the photo with my unremarkable room as the backdrop. It would be about as far from a flattering shot as it’s possible to get.
“This feels good. Kind of sisterly, somehow.”
“I guess. Not sure I really know.”
I watched her squinting at her phone out of the corner of my eye, then let myself slump flat against the table.
“Let’s actually sleep now. I’ll explain whatever you don’t get next time.”
I mumbled it with my cheek pressed against the cold tabletop.
“You’ll teach me again, huh. Guess I’ll come back tomorrow then~”
“…Suit yourself.”
If I sleep, I’ll probably calm down. So for now, better not to think about anything difficult.
“And — send me the photo… please.”
“Ha ha. I’ll send it right away, so wait for it.”
Hearing the words slip weakly out of me, Ao left the room looking thoroughly satisfied.
“…Haah.”
A pathetic groan escaped into the quiet room.
The faint sweet scent that had drifted past. The weight of her head against my lap and thigh. The feel of her skin when our faces had been close for the photo. Ao’s warmth seemed to still linger over my whole body, and I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep at all. I’m apparently in worse shape than I thought.
I threw myself onto the bed, and lying in the pitch-dark room with my phone against my chest, a soft white light lit the room faintly. Wincing at the brightness, I checked the notification — a photo of two stepsisters with their faces pressed close enough to touch.
I let out a long breath I hadn’t realised was caught in my throat. I was on the verge of sleep, and yet my breathing had gone ragged again.
“…This is…”
I saved the image and closed my eyes with the phone still held against my chest.
Another treasure added to the collection. There’s nowhere left to keep them all. But I can’t bring myself to throw any of it away either.
Happy, and not happy. The feelings tangled somewhere deep in my chest just keep tightening around it. Whether there’ll ever come a day when this unravels cleanly, or whether it just keeps cinching tighter until it chokes — I don’t know.
I don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself the same question by now, when sleep finally arrived, gently, without my noticing.