Episode 117: University Entrance Exams

14 January.

I have absolutely no intention of failing, nor do I expect to make any mistakes during the exam.

I’ve studied so consistently that I truly feel this way. I believe I’ve put in an unimaginable amount of study.

‘Phew…’

However much effort you put in, things don’t always go smoothly — I learned that from my high school entrance exams.

It’s not as though failing this time would mean something catastrophic — but I want to get into my first choice, and I want to do what I want to do.

More than anything——.

I had been gripping the charm Endo-san gave me without realizing it. It’s because she says unnecessary things and gives me unnecessary things that I’ve come to rely on them in strange ways. And yet — unlike the ice-cold dread running down my spine that I felt during my high school entrance exams, my heart felt warm and glowing.

‘Right then, please clear everything but the essentials from your desks.’

At the examiner’s command, the hall was filled with the rustling sound of people tidying up. The atmosphere was quite tense; everyone here gave off the air of wolves lying in wait for their prey.

I gently pressed my lips to the charm and tucked it into my pocket.

Do your best too, Endo-san—.

“Right then, the exam begins!”

＊＊＊

“You’ve both really worked hard these past two days.”

　Mai came over to me, completely exhausted. Endo-san was beside her, looking even more worn out. I suppose, from their perspective, I must look the same.

“You’ve both worked hard too.”

　I wanted to ask, ‘How did it go?’, but the atmosphere wasn’t right for it, so I held back. Asking them how it went now wouldn’t change the result anyway.

“Self-scoring is terrifying, isn’t it?”
“Well, whatever we say now won’t change the result, so let’s just enjoy the moment!”

　Endo-san spoke cheerfully to Mai, who seemed a little down. Perhaps encouraged by Endo-san, she replied happily, “You’re right!” as we walked on. I think we were all being considerate of each other — the conversation stayed light and trivial, and everyone’s mind was somewhere else.

‘See you at school!’

We waved Mai off as she went, and then Endo-san and I walked the familiar road home side by side.

‘How did Takizawa do?’
‘Fine.’
‘Just as I thought. You were always top of the year in exams like that, so I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about!’

Endo-san is clearly not herself. I don’t like that version of her. When she’s with me, I want her to just be herself. I found my mood dipping a little, wondering when she’d ever break that bad habit of hers.

“Come on, Mai’s not here, so you don’t need to force yourself to be cheerful.”
“Haha, I guess Takizawa always sees right through me.”

I wondered when I’d started noticing straight away when Endo-san was putting on a front, and when I’d become able to tell the difference between her truth and her lies. Endo-san gave a slight wry smile. And though her voice wasn’t sad or pained, it wasn’t a cheerful one either.

‘How did it go for you, Endo-san?’

I knew I probably shouldn’t be asking right now, and I certainly couldn’t say anything to cheer her up, but I wanted to know how she was doing.

‘I gave it everything I had. But I’m just really anxious. There’s no going back now.’

　It was rare to see Endo-san looking so serious, and I felt myself starting to catch her mood. I’d given it my all too, but that’s the nature of exams: there’s no guarantee it will lead to a good result.

‘Ah, but actually, having this really helped calm my nerves.’
‘It can’t have had that much effect.’

Endo-san was looking fondly at the good luck charm we’d swapped. I responded with my usual coldness, thinking what good could a thing like that really do.

‘No. It made a world of difference whether I had it or not.’
‘Is that so.’
‘Weren’t you nervous, Takizawa?’
‘……’
‘Ah! So you were nervous after all. That’s unusual.’
‘Shut up.’

I couldn’t bring myself to say that I’d kept the charm Endo-san gave me in my pocket the whole time. Still, it was true that thanks to Endo-san’s charm, my nerves had settled. Unlike during my high school entrance exams, my fingers gripping the pencil hadn’t been slick with an unbelievable amount of sweat, and I hadn’t broken into that strange cold sweat across my back despite the winter cold.

“It’s not over yet, so let’s both keep going until the very end. Takizawa, do you remember our promise?”
“Yeah.”

I reckon she’s talking about going somewhere once the national exams are over.

“I’ve got something important to tell you then.”
“Something important? Can’t you tell me now?”
“No——”

Her expression was very serious, though different from the somber mood of a moment ago. What could this important matter be? Why couldn’t she tell me now? However, Endo-san looked as though she didn’t want me to ask any further, so I simply said, “I understand,” and continued walking down the street.

When we reached the front of Endo-san’s house and were about to part ways, she grabbed my arm tightly.

“Takizawa, kiss me.”
“Huh?”
“We can’t?”
“We’re outside.”
“Then come inside.”

She gripped my arm tightly and pulled me into the entrance hall of her house. The gentle, cheerful girl I usually knew wasn’t there; she was serious, and the strength with which she held my arm was so intense that the part she was gripping throbbed.

“Why do I have to do this…”
“—Because I might not be able to do it anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just do it.”

Endo-san always springs out with things I don’t understand, but today it feels even more baffling. Perhaps she’s anxious that her exam results might be worse than she imagined, and she won’t get into the university she’s aiming for? It’s true that if she fails and I pass, we’ll end up separated. I don’t want that. But with the results not out yet, I don’t think there’s any point in discussing it now.

“If it’s about the exams, there’s plenty of time to turn things around, so let’s work hard together, shall we?”
“That’s true, but that’s not it. Takizawa, you really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

An idiot…? What on earth was so idiotic about what I just said? As I was lost in thought, she gently pulled me close and her soft lips touched mine.

We’ve done this countless times before.

And yet, the blood rushes to my face, and my heart, which I’d forgotten where it was, is now beating so fiercely I can feel it clearly.

Even when I try to pull away, Endo-san won’t let me. No… perhaps it was me who didn’t want to pull away.

The moment I gently opened my eyes, the distance between us widened.

Endo-san looked a little sad, and I couldn’t understand why she was making that face.

‘Will you teach me again?’
‘Of course.’
‘No matter what happens?’
‘What…? Let’s do our best together. I’ll do what I can, too.’
‘Thank you.’

Endo, whose expression had brightened slightly, hugged me tightly. When I gently stroked her back, the tension drained from her body.

I had no reason to stay there, so I left the house, leaving Endo behind, looking a little strange.