Episode 37: Please Be My Girlfriend

‘Phew, phew…’

By the time I reached the park, I was completely out of breath. I stopped at the entrance, exhaled deeply and tried to catch my breath.
The dense foliage, as if trying to conceal everything, rustled in the night breeze, making an unpleasant sound. Moths were swarming around the street lamps, heightening my sense of dread even further.

My cheeks felt cold. There was a sharp, stinging pain deep inside my ears.
In such a cold, dark place, would Mitsuki really still be waiting for me? Even as I wondered this, I made my way into the park.

My thoughts were a complete mess, yet my feet kept carrying me forward, step by step.

Towards the spot where we’d watched the fireworks together that day.
　To the stone flowerbed tucked away further inside.

Normally, I’d have thought things through properly, what to say and how to convey it when we came face to face, but right now, it’s as if a sandstorm is raging in my head; my thoughts are in complete disarray.

If I meet Mitsuki in this state, I have no idea what I might end up saying.
I know that, but my anxiety outweighs it, and I walked straight towards that spot, making my way through the vast park without hesitation.

　She’s there.
Mitsuki is still waiting for me in that spot.

As I drew nearer, for some reason, that feeling turned into certainty.
I don’t know why. Perhaps this is just my wishful thinking.

I won’t run away anymore. I’ll look her in the face and properly tell her my farewell. If I don’t bring my first love to a proper close here, I’m sure I won’t be able to move on.

‘Mitsuki…!’

Spotting Mitsuki sitting on the flowerbed with her head bowed, I found myself calling out her name without thinking.

It’s so cold, yet she isn’t wearing a coat. She was in her school uniform, and the red flower handed out at the graduation ceremony was still pinned to her lapel.

Mitsuki looked up at me. Her cheeks, dimly lit by the streetlamp, were wet with tears.
　Surely she hadn’t been crying here all this time? Waiting for me, even though she didn’t know if I’d come.

The moment I saw her, huddled up like a stray cat, I was suddenly overcome with intense regret.

I’d promised Mitsuki. That day in the infirmary, I’d said, ‘I won’t ignore you anymore.’
Yet once again, I’d only thought of myself, disregarded Mitsuki’s feelings, and hurt this girl I loved so much.

　My legs, which had been running towards Mitsuki of their own accord, froze the moment our eyes met.

What are you scared of?
Weren’t you planning to tell Mitsuki you wanted to break up?

Mitsuki ran towards me without a moment’s hesitation.

“Nana!!!”

She hugged me so tightly my body shook, and instinctively I held her small frame close.

Her body, clinging to me and squeezing my back with all her might, was so slender it made my chest tighten.

Ah, I can’t do this.

I can’t say goodbye to Mitsuki.

　I’d realised it.
If I’d truly wanted to cut ties with Mitsuki, I should have stayed in bed and let the morning come.
The fact that I’d come here was the answer above all else. No matter how much I tried to suppress my feelings with reason, my heart moved my body of its own accord.

“Nana… I missed you…”

Mitsuki’s voice was choked with tears as she spoke, her body trembling slightly.

　This love wasn’t the sort I could simply end with my own hands.
After all, no matter how hurt and broken I might be, I always end up coming back to Mitsuki like this.
Unless Mitsuki ended it, I could never have ended it myself from the start.

I bit my lip, closed my eyes tightly, and grabbed Mitsuki’s shoulder, pushing her away forcefully.

‘Nana…?’

Mitsuki called my name, sounding flustered.
But I kept my head down and didn’t look up. So I have no idea what expression she has on her face.
And yet, the image of Mitsuki looking hurt keeps popping into my mind and won’t go away.

Shaking off that feeling, I said, almost shouting:

‘Please, don’t say you want to see me. If you tell me you want to see me, I’ll be completely lost…! Just reject me properly, I beg you…!”

My voice trembled pitifully.
Even at this late stage, I still didn’t want Mitsuki to see me looking so pathetic.
I’m an idiot, I know that myself. But there’s simply nothing I can do about this.

“Mitsuki, you’re being cruel…! You know how I feel, so how can you do this?　You know full well I can’t just ignore you…! Being here alone in the middle of the night like this, what if something happened to you!?”

My voice rang out sharply in the deathly quiet of the night park.

“…If that’s the case, what was I supposed to do? What would have made you listen to me, Nana? You wouldn’t even hear me out when I tried to clear up the misunderstanding about Yamato.”

“That’s…”

“No matter what I say, you won’t believe me, will you? You’re always looking for a reason to push me away. No matter how much I try to reach out and make amends, you desperately brush me off. Even though you know the truth deep down! That there’s absolutely no way I’m seeing Yamato.”

Caught red-handed, I fell silent.
Yes, I knew. I knew all along.
It wasn’t Mitsuki’s fault that I couldn’t believe her. It was all down to my own weakness.

‘Hey, Nana, what are you so scared of? It’s all because you fell for me in the first place, isn’t it? So please, don’t walk away from me over something like this!!!’

Mitsuki raised her voice and grabbed both my arms.
Hearing Mitsuki’s desperate voice for the first time, tears began to well up in my eyes.

　That’s right, it’s all my fault, it’s because I fell for Mitsuki.

　But… but…

“But… it can’t be helped! I tried to give up so many times too!? I tried so hard to just be friends. But it didn’t work, so don’t say it’s that simple! Even though I wanted to give up, I just couldn’t!!!”

　Tears poured out of me like a dam had burst. I couldn’t stay calm any longer.
　I could feel Mitsuki’s grip on my arm tighten.

“Then… then just keep liking me forever! If you like me, why are you walking away? I won’t let you find a girlfriend in Tokyo. I’ll never, ever let you fall for any other girl! Isn’t this feeling the same as love? Are you still saying that what Nana feels and what I feel are different? Hey, Nana, I don’t understand anymore. If that’s the case, then please tell me what this feeling is…!”

Neither of us bothered to wipe away the tears streaming down our faces; we just stood there facing each other.
　Hearing Mitsuki’s words, all the strength drained from my body and I slumped to the ground.
Mitsuki, just like me, slid down and sat on the ground, then looked down, wiped her tears with the back of her hand and sobbed.

“You idiot, Nana… We promised, so why on earth did you apply to a university in Tokyo…!”

“You’re the stupid one, Mitsuki…! Why didn’t you tell me you liked me properly, sooner…”

“I did! I told you loads of times…! It was you who didn’t believe me, Nana…”

“But… but I thought there was no way you could ever fall for a girl…”

“Don’t be so quick to judge, you idiot, Nana!!!”

I pulled Mitsuki, who was sobbing like a child, ‘Waaah’, close to me and held her tight.
She pounded my chest relentlessly, hard enough to make me groan in pain, but more than that, I could feel happiness welling up deep inside me.

This isn’t a dream… is it?
Does this mean Mitsuki has really come to like me? That she feels the same way I do?

　I stroked Mitsuki’s back with the palm of my hand as she sobbed, her throat making little ‘hic’ sounds.

‘I’m sorry, Mitsuki…’

‘…I love you, Nana. But I still can’t leave Tasuku behind to go to Tokyo. However, I don’t want to let anyone else have you. So I want you to promise me that, even when we’re apart, you’ll always love only me.’

“Mitsuki, does that mean…”

I clenched my stomach tightly.
It was what I’d wanted to say all along. What I’d been too scared to ask.
Squeezing out every last ounce of courage, I wiped away my tears and looked straight into Mitsuki’s tear-filled eyes.

“Are you… asking me to be your… girlfriend?”

“…Girlfriend? But you’re going to Tokyo and leaving me behind… and you want me to be your girlfriend?”

　As she glared at me accusingly from within my arms, I couldn’t help but give a wry smile.

“…I promise. Even when we’re apart, I’ll only ever love you, Mitsuki. So please, be my… my…”

The tears I’d just wiped away began to well up again.
It’s strange, why are the tears coming?

　Memories of the past three years, spent staring at Mitsuki the whole time, flashed through my mind like a kaleidoscope, and I couldn’t bring myself to say the final words.
I didn’t mean to make such a pathetic confession.

Seeing me unable to continue, Mitsuki’s eyebrows dipped slightly and she smiled.
I felt as though she was saying to me in her heart, ‘Oh well, I suppose I have no choice.’

‘……Call me every night before you go to sleep. Come and see me at least once a month. You absolutely mustn’t cheat on me. Tell me you love me every day so I don’t get anxious. If you promise me that… I’ll be Nana’s girlfriend.”

“Huh?”

“What’s that? That reaction? You won’t say you love me? You’re being mean, Nana.”

Mitsuki chuckled softly and pressed her cheek against my collarbone.
No tears were flowing from Mitsuki’s eyes anymore. I could feel her body heat slowly spreading from where we touched.

“…No, I’ll say it. I’ll say it every day. That I love you. So… please be my girlfriend.”

I rubbed my cheek against her silky black hair. I felt tears welling up again, but I held them back.

I don’t need to cry any more.
Because right now, the thing I wanted most is definitely right here in my arms.