Episode 47: Winter Arrives (3)

I was delighted to receive my first ever phone call from Takizawa, only to find out it was actually a request from Mayo-nee, relayed through her. Even though it was Mayo-nee’s request, I found myself saying, ‘It’s fine,’ just because Takizawa asked me.

She’s a sly one, isn’t she?
Or perhaps ‘clever’ is the right word.
She must know that I can’t refuse if Takizawa asks me.

　Hikari was quite an impressive person.
If I had to sum her up in one word, she’s the epitome of a ‘sunny’ person.
She’s so cheerful it even makes me feel a bit overwhelmed.

But from talking to her, she doesn’t seem like a bad person; I think she’s actually quite sincere. That’s precisely why I imagine it must be difficult for people like Mayo-nee and Takizawa, who are so complicated, to deal with her.

It’s good that Hikari is enjoying her meal, but I’m worried because Takizawa’s face hasn’t brightened up since a while ago.

　Have I done something wrong?
I really want to avoid drifting any further apart.

Takizawa makes a face or tells me to stop, but she won’t tell me why.
Not knowing the reason makes me feel unbearably anxious at times. There’s only one way to ease this anxiety, and that’s by touching Takizawa. It might seem a bit creepy, but touching her calms me down.

　Once we’d finished clearing up after dinner, Hikari suddenly threw her arms round me. There are always a certain number of people who have a very close personal space, but I think hers is extraordinary. It’s the first time I’ve ever been hugged by someone I’ve only just met that day. On top of that, she’s sniffing me, saying I smell nice.

Just as I was thinking, ‘If only this were Takizawa…’, Takizawa grabbed Hikari’s arm with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

　Paying no heed to this, Hikari-san said, ‘Do you want a hug too, Hoshizora-chan?’, and hugged Takizawa.

My heart gave a sharp twinge.

If she was going to hug Takizawa, I wish she’d just stayed hugging me.

Takizawa should hate this sort of thing, yet her expression looks somehow relieved.

Could it be that Takizawa actually wanted to hug Hikari-san?

　Why?

Does Takizawa actually like girls like Hikari-san?

Or does she just want a hug from anyone?

Unpleasant thoughts swirled round and round in my head.

Takizawa then pulled Hikari-san close and the two of them headed off towards the bathroom.

I envied Hikari-san.
I wanted her to treat me like that too.
Today, strange desires like that kept popping into my head over and over.

　Takizawa came back after helping Hikari-san into the bath, but I couldn’t get the image from earlier out of my head, so I fell silent.
Perhaps because I hadn’t been in contact with Takizawa recently, I felt strangely nervous just being close to her and found myself unable to speak properly.

Come to think of it, did I hide the handkerchief by my pillow?
It would be far too embarrassing for her to see that.
I think I was making the atmosphere even heavier by worrying about such trivial details.

‘Endo-san, I’m sorry about today.’

Sure enough, perhaps my awkward mood had rubbed off on Takizawa, because she started apologising.

……?

Just as I thought she’d apologised, Takizawa moved closer to me and started unbuttoning my pyjamas?

I couldn’t make head nor tail of the situation.

I’d already had two buttons undone, so unbuttoning just one more meant my underwear was now visible.

“We haven’t been studying today, have we?”

It’s unusual for Takizawa to do something like this for no reason. As I suspected, there’s something odd about Takizawa today.

Just as I was thinking that, Takizawa responded with unexpected words and actions.

‘I’ll do whatever you say later, so just keep quiet for now.’

Takizawa pressed her lips against my collarbone, making a soft ‘chuu’ sound.
I could have refused, but I just let her. The thought that I would probably have accepted even if Takizawa hadn’t offered a quid pro quo made me start to feel disgusted with myself.

I’m just happy to be touched by Takizawa…

She’s left marks on my chest too, and Takizawa is running her finger over them. It’s ticklish, and my body reacts in a strange way.

Why on earth is Takizawa doing this to me?

She was in a foul mood just a moment ago, yet suddenly she’s doing this to me; I feel as though I’ve been thrown into a washing machine and am being spun round and round.

　Was leaving marks not enough for Takizawa? She bit my ear. Her teeth dug into my ear.

It hurts… She’s biting with unbelievable force.

But the fact that I find even that pleasant means I must be broken somewhere.

　In a voice barely audible, she said, ‘You idiot, Endo.’

Takizawa’s voice and breath brush against my ear, sending a sensation down my spine as if I were being caressed.

Then Takizawa takes hold of my hair and sniffs it. The gesture is so erotic that my senses drift further and further away from reality.

It’s all Takizawa’s fault.

　I can’t go any further.
I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

I fastened my buttons and, as if to distract myself from the embarrassment, told Takizawa she was a pervert.

Takizawa said nothing and simply went into the bath. Hikari-san came over to speak to me, but perhaps because I was distracted, she headed straight for the bedroom.

Takizawa came back from the bath looking flustered, and when she heard what Hikari-san had said, she seemed relieved.

　That behaviour was more than enough to give me the wrong idea.
I wish she’d stop doing things like that.
It makes me feel like I’m going to misinterpret things.

Like I might be jealous of Hikari-san.

Drops of water dripped from Takizawa’s hair onto my shoulder.

I wanted to touch Takizawa’s hair too. To satisfy that desire, I decided to touch a part of her under the pretext of drying her hair.

　I want to be touching Takizawa today.
Lately, my desire to touch her has been swelling up like a balloon, and today it finally burst.
I won’t do anything strange, so please just let me sleep next to you.

My request to sleep together was accepted surprisingly easily, and I take Takizawa’s hand.

Takizawa’s hand is warm, the complete opposite of her words.

I lie down and pull Takizawa’s arm close to me.
　Even though I’m only touching her arm, the part I’m touching feels hot.

What does Takizawa think of me…?
What am I to Takizawa…?

Questions I want to ask but am afraid to voice keep popping into my head.

Takizawa probably won’t answer me.

Will there ever come a day when she does? My anxiety and doubts never left me.