Episode Eight: Might Not Be Able to Go Home Alone
Today, Hayakawa-kun is coming to return the umbrella Yui-san lent him. That part would be fine on its own, but he’d gone out of his way to show up at my part-time job right at my clock-out time, and apparently wants to treat me to dinner.
It’s not the first time a man’s shown interest in me. I’ve been through the usual run of things a typical student experiences with the opposite sex.
He’s not a bad person, I think. I liked him from the moment we met, and I don’t mind talking to him as a coworker.
But… the feeling that I’d rather not see him outside the shop if I could help it hasn’t changed.
If he’d just come out and say it plainly, I could turn him down properly, I thought, then reconsidered almost immediately.
Because I hate the idea of things getting awkward at work.
A gloomy morning. I sigh while brewing coffee in the kitchen. Immediately I realize choosing coffee was a mistake. The rich smell rising off it makes me think of work all over again.
*
“Morning, Kanata.”
“…Good morning.”
After what happened, Yui-san emerged from her room looking utterly unbothered, apparently not giving it a second thought. She stretched with a little groan, and her T-shirt rode up enough to show a glimpse of toned stomach, and I looked away in a hurry.
It’s Yui-san’s fault, saying something like that yesterday, that I’m suddenly this aware of her.
“…Somehow you smell like you just got off work.”
“Ah… good catch. It’s the beans from our shop, the owner gave them to me. Want some, Yui-san?”
“Yeah, thanks. Let me wash my face first.”
Unlike me, someone who lets things linger, Yui-san is basically always breezy about everything.
The opposite of me, someone who overthinks everything — given her personality, I figured of course she wouldn’t pick someone high-maintenance.
While Yui-san’s off washing her face, I set about preparing the salad.
Whenever Yui-san makes breakfast, the cherry tomatoes in the salad are always halved, and the toast always comes out already buttered.
Meanwhile, when I do it, I just set the cherry tomatoes out whole and leave the butter sitting on the table, and she’s never once said anything about it.
Thinking back, Yui-san has never once complained about anything, not since we started living together.
At first I just figured she was a kind person. But lately I’ve started to understand something else.
Yui-san, I think, probably doesn’t expect much from other people to begin with.
She can do everything herself, so she has room to spare, and that lets her be kind to others too.
Nothing like me, riddled with shortcomings, I thought.
*
“Kanata, you’ve got work today, right?”
Yui-san, seated across the dining table, asked it like it was nothing at all.
I tried to look composed, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to meet her eyes directly, and staring down, I stabbed at a tomato with my fork, which slipped neatly away.
*
“Yes. I’ll be late today.”
“Yeah? Should I come pick you up?”
“No, I’m fine today. I’ve got plans after work, so… I’ll eat dinner out.”
Honestly I wasn’t even that into it. It was just that being alone with Yui-san felt awkward somehow, and I wanted a little time and space.
I wanted to sort out my own feelings first. Being around Yui-san, my heart kept doing nothing but wavering.
“Hmm…”
Something in her reply sounded loaded, and I looked up without meaning to. Our eyes met, and Yui-san smiled, bright and easy.
“A date with Hayakawa-kun?”
“Huh?”
I never said anything about going to dinner with Hayakawa-kun, so how did she know I’d be out with him? My surprise must have shown on my face, because Yui-san’s eyes narrowed just slightly.
“You’re easy to read, Kanata. It’s cute.”
“…What are you talking about, that’s not it. It’s not a date.”
It’s not that I’m easy to read, I think — it’s just that Yui-san is unusually perceptive. She’s genuinely gifted at picking up on what people want.
She’ll drape a blanket over my knees without me saying I’m cold, and a drink will show up as a matter of course without me saying I’m thirsty.
“He seems like the devoted type, so isn’t that fine?”
Was that really true, though. I remembered Hayakawa-kun, red in the face, the first time he’d met Yui-san.
The way she said it, so utterly uninterested, left something faintly unpleasant sitting in my chest.
Saying I was cute and everything, even inviting me to bed that one time even if it was a joke, and then turning around to casually recommend some other man.
“…Do you really think so? That it’d be fine, dating him?”
I said something I didn’t even mean. I’ve never once considered dating him.
Saying this to Yui-san — what did I even want her to say back to me?
Eyes as deep as the night sea, endlessly deep, held me straight on.
I really don’t understand what’s going on in Yui-san’s head.
Just when I think we’ve gotten closer, she pushes me away, and I can never get a grip on the right distance between us, and it leaves me feeling like I’m sinking into some bottomless, fathomless sea.
“Hmm… If Kanata likes him, then isn’t that fine?”
See — there she goes again, running further and further away.
This person, who always seems to give me exactly the words I want to hear, never once gives me the one word that actually matters.
＊＊＊
Hayakawa-kun showed up at the café exactly at my clock-out time.
Holding Yui-san’s umbrella, his sheepish smile dazzling.
“Aozawa, long time no see.”
“Thanks for your hard work today.”
I’m relieved he got the umbrella back before the weather turns. The weekly forecast said rain the day after tomorrow, so Hayakawa-kun, whose shifts hadn’t overlapped with mine in a while, must have gone out of his way to make today happen.
“Good work today. Come on, let’s go. I made a reservation. My treat today.”
“Um, are you sure that’s okay? Letting you pay for everything…”
Was it really fine for him to treat me. I studied his face closely, and he grinned, pleased, and gave his chest a proud thump.
“Just got paid, so it’s fine.”
A small ache pricked at my chest. Hayakawa-kun is a good person. And right now, I’m taking advantage of that goodness in him.
Because of what happened yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about Yui-san. Because she didn’t give me the words I’d half hoped for. …This is childish of me.
I walked a little behind him. Men really do walk fast, I thought idly.
The place he took me to was… more than a little, actually quite a lot of effort — a proper private-room restaurant. The prices on the menu were the kind that took nerve for a first-year university student to face.
I’d assumed it would be some casual diner near work.
We’re both nineteen, can’t drink, so I’d figured there was no risk of this turning into some drinking invitation and hadn’t taken it too seriously, but this looked like it was actually pretty serious.
“Order whatever you like.”
“Um, are you sure? Won’t this eat up your whole paycheck…?”
This was well beyond the level of a simple thank-you. This was, unmistakably, the kind of place you’d take someone on a date. And I’m the one who agreed to come, knowing full well what Hayakawa-kun probably had in mind.
Hayakawa-kun laughed it off with a confident it’s fine, and I gave a wry smile back. Since he insisted, I ordered the cheapest thing I could find on the menu.
Talking with Hayakawa-kun, there’s none of that probing, careful undercurrent I always feel talking with Yui-san. Just harmless small talk, over and over, while time passes.
By the time the clock hand had gone a little past a full circle and we’d finished eating, Hayakawa-kun suddenly grew restless. He fell quieter too.
Probably around now. I should head home before he suggests a second place. I’ve had more than enough time to sort my thoughts out.
“Aozawa, so, um…!”
Just as Hayakawa-kun steeled himself to speak, my phone buzzed on the table. Both our eyes landed on it. Checking the notification, it was from Ritsu-san.
“Sorry.”
I cut Hayakawa-kun off just as he was starting to speak, and picked up my phone. It’s rare for Ritsu-san to message this late at night.
I tapped the chat app open.
Things are getting pretty wild tonight, did something happen with you and Yui?
A photo sent alongside the message filled the screen.
In the photo, apparently drunk, in a dimly lit bar, was Yui-san, gripping some girl tight from behind and not letting go.
“……………………”
A ping, and a follow-up message landed at the same time.
Yui’s had way too much, might not be able to get home on her own. Can you come pick her up, Kanata-chan? Or would it be better to just let someone take her home tonight?
I gripped the phone hard enough to hear it creak. Without meaning to. I could feel a vein standing out at my temple.
“A-Aozawa…? Your face is kind of scary… a-are you okay?”
“…Sorry, I need to step away for a moment.”
Still gripping the phone, I walked straight for the restroom. I don’t know what this feeling is. I don’t understand it.
But I do know exactly what I need to do right now.
After a few rings, Ritsu-san picked up, and I found myself half-shouting into the phone.
“Ritsu-san, where are you drinking right now? I’m coming to get her, just tell me where.”