Chapter 19: What on Earth Do You Want from Me?

In the darkness, dark eyes stared down at me intently. As she pressed herself against me, the springs of the expensive bed creaked.

Even pinned down and trapped within her arms, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from her.

　A single diamond pendant swayed before my eyes. Ah, her white collarbone was beautiful, I thought.

“…Kanata.”

I heard Yui-san’s voice calling my name.

It would be easier if I could just surrender myself, but my tendency to overthink everything got in the way.

I was scared, after all. I’d said I was bad at having sex with men, so with someone of the same sex? Even scarier.

　You idiot, Yui. Why are you doing this? You said we wouldn’t go beyond kissing. You liar.

I wanted to say it, but somehow the words wouldn’t come out. When she stared at me with those deep-coloured eyes, I froze like a frog caught in a snake’s gaze.

Her face drew closer. Resigned, I closed my eyes. Then her lips touched mine.

“Waaah!!!”

　I bolted upright in a panic, morning.

I’d had a bloody nightmare. Unnervingly real, vividly raw. Pressing my palm to my chest, I could still feel my heart pounding.

A thin sheen of sweat had broken out on my back. Shaking my head frantically from side to side, I tried to wake myself.

My gaze drifted involuntarily to the bed beside me. The very person responsible for this nightmare lay sleeping peacefully, breathing softly.

　Pale skin, long lashes. Even asleep, she was beautiful. It was infuriating.
I stared at her lips, not a hint of dryness, just a glossy sheen.

There was no doubt why I’d had this dream. It was because of what Yui-san had done to me yesterday.

Why had I let her? After the kiss, her smile had been so gentle and happy it made my heart ache.

　At the time, I wondered what would happen, but surprisingly, Yui-san kept her promise: “Nothing more than a kiss.”

She didn’t make any further advances, but I was cleverly talked into sharing the bed with her.

It was a large king-size bed, so I reluctantly agreed, but that was probably the mistake. I think that’s why I had the dream.

　No matter how spacious the bed, sharing it still made me nervous, and I couldn’t fall asleep right away.

“…Yui, you idiot.”

I muttered that towards her beautiful sleeping face. Just as I was thinking about pulling the duvet off her completely, she must have sensed my gaze because her long lashes fluttered, and her dark eyes blinked repeatedly.

“Good morning.”

“… Good morning… Kanata, you’re up early.”

Still sleepy, she buried her face in the fluffy feather pillow with a deep groan.

I’m not usually an early riser myself.

The fact I’m greeting the morning with such complicated feelings is entirely, entirely Yui’s fault.

Compared to me, this girl whose hobby is womanising seems to greet mornings with women as commonplace as eating breakfast, her attitude not changing one bit.

　It’s frustrating that I seem to be the only one conscious of it, but complaining about it would be even more humiliating.

Glancing at the clock, it was six in the morning. Outside must already be bright. Yui-san would still be sleepy, but since we were here, I wanted to enjoy the morning view from the high floor. I sat up to look for the remote for the electric curtains.

Suddenly, my vision swayed violently.

　Before I could even comprehend that she’d pulled my arm, my body was being dragged back into the bedsheets.

My back slammed into the mattress, the springs of the expensive bed creaking loudly.

“You scared me…!”

“You don’t have to get up yet. It’s Sunday, so let’s relax a bit longer.”

Lying on my back, I turned towards Yui and stared intently at her.

Peeking out from beneath her loungewear, her neckline revealed no sign of that necklace from my dream — thank goodness, it really was just a dream, I thought with relief.

“…I wasn’t trying to wake you up. I just wanted to open the curtains.”

“There’s a switch here, so you don’t need to sit up.”

Saying that, Yui sat up slightly and reached her hand over my head.

Her straight black hair, untouched by bedhead, swayed softly before my eyes. Beautiful hair. I envied it.

After a click, light streamed in through the gap opened by the electric curtains.

　Not wanting her to notice my fluttered heart at the closeness, I turned my back to Yui.

The view through the glass window drew an involuntary sigh from me. It was a refreshingly clear day.

“Blimey… it’s dazzling.”

I ignored Yui’s grumbling. Though the sunlight stung the depths of my eyes, the view from this high floor felt wonderfully serene, as if floating in the sky.

　Slipping smoothly, a mischievous white arm crept into the space between me and the pillow, wrapping tightly around me from behind.

Feeling the warmth against my back, I closed my eyes, savouring the comfort.

Waking up to find someone beside me… it might have been the first time. I never knew mornings spent with someone could feel so pleasant.

“…What time is check-out?”

“Any time’s fine, but let’s have breakfast before we go.”

“In the restaurant?”

“No. We can order room service. But right now, I want to sleep a little longer…”

They’ll even bring breakfast to us. What a wonderfully attentive hotel.

Yui-san hugged me tightly, like a body pillow. Even though we must be using the same shampoo and body soap, Yui-san always smells lovely.

　Unlike her, who seemed utterly exhausted, I was wide awake. Feeling restless, I took her left hand, which was wrapped around my back, and played with her fingers.

I traced her left middle and ring fingers in turn, gently stroking the tips of her nails. Those perfectly manicured nails were proof she hadn’t given up her womanising ways.

Not that I think she ever intended to stop.

　She looks like she has absolutely no sex drive whatsoever. I find it genuinely infuriating how she can keep such a cool face while thinking about girls all the time.

“Kanata.”

“What is it?”

“…Are you teasing me, playing games?”

A sleepy voice came from behind me, and the fingers I’d been playing with suddenly clamped down on my hand.

“…Honestly, it feels like you’re actually inviting me…”

I knew these fingers were the ones she used to love women, but I hadn’t consciously touched her with the intent to invite her.

But the fact that Yui-san interpreted this action that way…

“Hmm… So Yui-san has been invited like this by other girls before, then?”

Her fingertips twitched. Ah, I’d hit the nail on the head. The thought that women who could be romantic partners, like Yui-san, might feel desire for her long fingers made me feel rather conflicted inside.

“…Well, I don’t know. I’ve forgotten.”

That’s just how she is, always deflecting immediately.

Despite her flippant remarks, Yui-san has never seriously pushed me down.

Even knowing I’m weak to pressure, she’s never cornered me completely. In the end, she always leaves me an escape route.

Somehow, despite backing off so easily, I just couldn’t believe she wanted me that much.

　Is it because I’m frigid? Or do I simply lack sexual appeal?

Unlike with men, touching my body doesn’t give Yui any pleasure. So it stands to reason she wouldn’t want to hold someone like me who can’t enjoy sex.

What would Yui-san do if I seriously begged her, like the other girls, to ‘hold me’?

Would she, being so kind, grant my wish? Or would she just laugh it off and smoothly dodge it, like she always does?

I don’t even have the courage to try, yet lately, this is all I can think about.

　The room service breakfast was absolutely delicious, and the eyes she gazed at me with, sitting right in front of me, were gentle as ever today.

“…What exactly do you want from me, Yui?”

I said it accusingly while sipping my after-breakfast coffee, and Yui laughed.

“Nothing really. I just like you, Kanata.”

Hearing it said so casually, I sighed.

“Honestly, Yui…”

“What is it?”

“…Nothing.”

She seems like a gentle, considerate goddess, yet the more I know her, the more she feels like a devil.

The problem is she has no intention of doing anything about it. Why can’t she understand that?

Yui probably expects nothing from me.
She surely doesn’t expect even a millimetre of reciprocation for anything she does for me.

　She probably still doesn’t know.

That I’m already stuck here, unable to move a single step, as if my feet have been caught in a bottomless swamp.