Episode 40: A Consolation Party, Just the Two of Us
I’d been restless all morning.
The reason was obvious. Today was drinks with Hanamori, just the two of us. Two heartbroken people licking their wounds together, or, well, basically just drinks. But just the two of us. Alone with Hanamori.
At the desk diagonally across from mine, Hanamori was locked in her usual cool standoff with her computer, same as ever.
…Or so I thought, but she kept glancing at the clock. Eye movements I don’t usually see from her.
I figured I was just the only one getting worked up over this, and she was in normal operating mode… but somehow, Hanamori seemed a little restless too, maybe?
No, no, this is just a consolation drink between two heartbroken people. There’s no deeper meaning to it.
I’m the weird one, getting oddly excited about this.
But still, just the two of us.
That fact alone was enough to make my heart unbearably loud.
The moment the clock hand hit five, quitting time.
“Good work today.”
Hanamori was on her feet in a second.
(That fast…!? Wait, exactly five o’clock…!?)
I hurried to shut down my computer too, tidied my desk, and stood up.
Stepping out of the office building, I spotted Hanamori a little ways off. Wrapped in a fluffy cape coat, hands in her pockets, standing there looking cold.
“Sorry, did I keep you waiting? You were fast.”
“Inquiries were pretty calm today, and I’d already prepped next week’s materials.”
“That’s unusual. You’re normally the overtime demon.”
“Ugh, quiet. Can we leave now?”
Hanamori turned her face away with a huff, burying it in her scarf. But she immediately gave a small laugh. A smile she couldn’t fully hide peeked out over the edge of the scarf.
Finding even that expression cute means I’m already a terminal case.
A small izakaya near the station. We sat side by side at the counter.
Close. Closer than usual. Our shoulders nearly touching… actually, touching. Our legs, completely touching too.
Hanamori’s perfume hit me at triple the usual intensity.
“What are you having, Hanamori-san?”
“Beer.”
“No one around to play cute for, huh.”
“Right. No point playing cute for you, Asami-san.”
Hanamori answered flatly, wiping her hands with the oshibori. I ordered two draft beers, edamame, and fries.
“Well then, to the heartbreak club’s consolation party. Cheers.”
We clinked mugs and let the beer slide down our throats. That first sip is pure bliss. It’s the whole reason I keep living.
“Asami-san, weren’t you super restless today?”
“Eh, wh-what? Not at all.”
“You totally were. Checking the clock like every five minutes.”
“I wasn’t looking that much.”
I nudged her lightly, and Hanamori laughed softly. The corners of her eyes drooped. Cute.
“By the way, you finished up fast too, Hanamori-san. Bet you were secretly looking forward to this.”
“Not at all. I just wanted to start early and wrap up early. You had an obvious agenda, Asami-san.”
We traded light jabs, sideways glances, laughing together. It really is fun. Hanamori took a sip of her beer, paused a moment, then looked at me and said:
“Are you still hung up on Asakura-san?”
“Hung up, or…”
“Or what?”
“Hmm. It’s more like, it wasn’t really romantic feelings to begin with.”
“No way that’s true. You were grinning like an idiot, totally lovestruck.”
“Anyone would act like that talking to someone as beautiful as Asakura-san.”
I gave a wry laugh, picking at the edamame.
“Anyway, apparently Tamura-san and Asakura-san got together at the year-end party.”
“Huh, is that right.”
“You really missed your chance there, Hanamori-san.”
“Yeah, really. Guess that time spent talking to you at the year-end party was a total waste.”
“Excuse you, that’s rude.”
Hanamori cackled again. That laugh was cute, and I threw back the rest of my draft beer in one go.
The alcohol was hitting nicely.
What even is this conversation. This is basically a full comedy routine at this point.
But it’s fun. Talking with Hanamori is fun.
Which is exactly why I’m scared of breaking this relationship.
About an hour and a half in, I could tell the alcohol had really gotten to me. My cheeks were hot. Hanamori’s cheeks were a little flushed too, and she’d gotten more talkative than usual.
“But Asami-san, you’ll find someone good next time.”
“Same to you, Hanamori-san. You’re cute, you’ll find someone right away.”
Hanamori froze for a second. Eyes wide, stiff, like she’d been hit with something totally unexpected.
“Huh? What’s with the ‘cute’ thing all of a sudden. Gross.”
Hanamori’s face was red. Facing forward, propping her cheek on one hand, she muttered.
“I mean, I already know that without you telling me, Asami-san.”
“Eh, wait. You’re just gonna say that about yourself?”
“I will. It’s true, though. And, wait, are you pretty drunk, Asami-san?”
“I’m not drunk.”
“You’re saying weird stuff.”
I gave a loose laugh, and Hanamori looked down. Red. Embarrassed, or maybe just the alcohol. Either way, cute. Unfair. Criminally cute.
“What about you, Hanamori-san? What’s next for you, love-wise?”
“What’s next, I mean… it’s only been a day since all this happened.”
Hanamori glanced sideways at me.
Our eyes met.
“Well, I guess, if the right person comes along.”
The right person. Hanamori’s “right person.”
That phrase gave my chest a sharp sting. It’s the alcohol. Definitely the alcohol.
But before I knew it, my mouth was moving on its own.
*
“Then, should we just date? The two of us?”
*
Playing it off as a joke. Casual tone. Alcohol-fueled momentum.
Hanamori’s movement stopped, dead still.
Her fingers holding the glass trembled slightly, and only her eyes slowly turned toward me.
“…Eh.”
A blink. Once.
Again.
Her expression froze there.
Not so much surprised, but—
A face that hadn’t caught up yet with what she’d just heard.
Her mouth opened and closed slightly, no words coming out.
—Ah.
—Oh no.
Hanamori’s definitely recoiling. Her face is frozen.
Wait, hold on. Isn’t that a “ugh, gross, this woman” kind of face?
What am I even saying.
Saying something like sexual harassment to a junior coworker, and a woman, no less. The absolute worst.
She’s never going to talk to me again.
I can’t show my face at work tomorrow. I should write my resignation letter.
Sweat poured from my palms, my forehead, my underarms, my back, like a waterfall.
I sobered up instantly.
“…Just kidding! Kidding! Ahaha~”
An excuse burst out of my mouth. I laughed desperately to cover it. But I knew, myself, that the smile was strained.
My face was hot. Way too hot.
Hanamori looked down, saying nothing.
Silence.
An unbearably heavy silence.
Neither of us said anything, just tilting our mugs. Only the sensation of beer sliding down my throat felt oddly real.
What do I do.
Even though I’m the one who said it, this is unbearably awkward. I want to go home so badly. I need to find some other topic to talk about…
Just as I was desperately searching for a topic, thinking that—
*
“…It’s fine.”
*
“Huh?”
A dumbfounded sound slipped out of me.
Did I mishear that? An auditory hallucination? What did she just say?
“What you said before.”
Hanamori said it, in a small voice.
“Wh-what!? Ah! No, no, sorry, that was a joke earlier! There’s no way it’d ever be me and you, Hanamori-san! No way, no way! Please really forget it!!”
Total panic. Flustered beyond belief.
At my forceful denial, Hanamori’s brow drooped slightly. Sulky.
A displeased-looking, but also somehow lonely expression. …Or so it seemed. Definitely just my imagination.
I want to graduate from self-flattering delusions after the whole Asakura-san incident already.
“…So it was a joke.”
“Huh?”
“Then, never mind.”
Hanamori turned her face away and murmured it quietly.
“It was a joke for me too. Don’t take it seriously.”
Ah, right. Of course. It was a joke.
But, hm. What is this uneasy feeling in my chest.
Another stretch of silence.
“Ah, but…” Just as I tried to say something—
“Oh hey, is that Nagi?!”
A voice from behind, a friend from my college days.
“Eh? Ohh, Yuka! Long time no see!”
“What a coincidence. Nagi, do you drink here a lot?”
“Just happened to, actually. What a surprise.”
Talking with my college friend, the tension from a moment ago dissolved easily.
Hanamori had already gone back to her usual expression. As if nothing had happened.
While I talked with my friend, she idly scrolled her phone and looked at her nails, sipping her beer, looking bored.
After my friend and I finished catching up and said goodbye, Hanamori and I sat there again, side by side, drinking in an awkward silence.
Looking at Hanamori’s profile, I let out a small breath.