Episode 39: No naughty things, now

Long black hair swayed and fluttered in the breeze, a sweet scent tickling my nostrils. A back I knew well walked before me.

It smelled like Yui-san, whom I adored.

——Yui-san, wait.

　I called out from behind, quickening my pace to chase after her.

But for some reason, the distance between us wouldn’t close. No matter how fast I ran, her back grew ever more distant.

My legs felt heavy, as if weighed down. Though her figure was right before my eyes, my outstretched hand only sliced through the air.

Breathless, utterly spent, I stopped, exhausted. That’s when I realised: ah, so this is a dream.

——Yui, please, wait.

Even calling her name in a raspy voice, there was no sign she would turn back.

Beside her stood someone else, not me. I couldn’t see their form. But surely, Yui was smiling tenderly at that person, not me——.

“Kanata.”

I awoke to someone shaking my shoulder. Startled, I sat up to find Yui standing there, still wearing her coat as if she’d just returned home.

“Huh? Oh, I must have fallen asleep…”

It seemed I’d dozed off on the sofa while waiting for Yui to come back. Glancing at the clock, it was just past eight in the evening.

“What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

Saying that, Yui-san bent down to peer at my face. Her thumb brushed beneath my eyelids, and only then did I realise I’d been crying.

“Huh… I wonder why…”

I hurriedly wiped away my tears.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine… Welcome home, Yui-san.”

After taking a deep breath, I said this. Yui-san smiled, looking slightly relieved, and replied, “I’m home.”

Gently, she held out a single red rose before me.

Unable to grasp the situation, I silently stared at the vivid red offered to me. Then, looking up at her standing before me, I felt a bit dazed.

My sleep-addled brain slowly rebooted. That’s right, today was Valentine’s Day. A special day to convey one’s feelings to a loved one.
And it was the day I was to give Yui-san chocolate. I had been waiting for her return.

Her gentle black eyes looked down at me, and she crouched to meet my gaze.

After gently placing that beautiful single rose in my hand, Yui-san smiled.

“For you, Kanata.”

“Me…?”

“Today’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?”

A little delayed, emotions slowly welled up inside me. I became aware of an indescribable heat spreading deep within my chest.

I’d just assumed, without asking, that Yui-san was the kind of person who received Valentine’s gifts.
That’s why I’d only ever thought about giving them myself; I’d never imagined I might be the one receiving one.

“…Yui-san.”

I murmured her name.

“I’ve got chocolate too.”

The box of chocolates she’d been hiding behind her back. Placing it gently on my lap, Yui-san looked straight at me.

Ah, I hate those eyes. The way she gazed at me, as if she couldn’t bear to be apart from me.

Her hand gently clasped mine, and my heart began to pound.

“I love you, Kanata.”

Those words seeped into my terribly unstable heart.
In the dream I’d just been having, no matter how many times I called her name, she wouldn’t answer.

It was a terrible nightmare.

It’s strange. She’s never once failed to answer my calls before.
Yui-san always tells me how she feels properly like this.

　Why can’t I fully believe those words?

I took Yui-san’s hand and threw myself into her arms, clinging tightly.

“Yui-san… I’ve got some chocolate ready too.”

“Eh? Really?”

Her genuinely surprised voice reached me through the ear pressed against my chest.

“Thank you. …I’m so happy.”

She hugged me back, tight, almost painfully so. I felt my heart rapidly filling up.

I remembered how impatient I’d been for her to come home, how I’d fallen asleep hugging her hoodie, left on the sofa. That must be why I’d had that dream.

By Valentine’s Day itself, Yui-san had received twelve chocolates in total.

　To be honest, eating them all was quite a struggle. But I didn’t give Yui a single one.

Because my chocolate alone was enough for her, given how much feeling went into it.

I filled a glass with water and placed the rose gently on the counter, where I could always see it.

Ideally, I’d have had a single-stem vase, but I’ll buy one tomorrow after work. For today, this will have to do.

Watching Yui happily tuck into the chocolate I gave her, I couldn’t help but smile.

Sitting beside her, I pressed my shoulder close to hers. Then I popped one of the chocolates she’d given me into my own mouth.

The taste of the chocolate melting in my mouth was sweeter than any chocolate I’d ever snatched from Yui before.

“…I never thought Kanata would give me chocolate.”

“If you’re going to say that, then Yui-san too. I thought you were just the one who received them.”

“…Can I take that as you liking me? Did you give any to anyone else?”

Her eyes peered into mine mischievously, smiling. I wanted to say, you know the answer, don’t you?

It made me feel so frustrated I jabbed her side with my elbow and turned away.

　Because I’m so anxious about our relationship that I even dream about it, yet Yui-san never shows any sign of it.

“It’s a secret.”

“Why? Tell me. You’re not really saying you gave it to someone else, are you?”

Yui-san, looking flustered, grabbed my shoulders and shook me. I’m sure it’s because I’m not exactly popular with the boys, but she always seems so calm about it. I wish she’d try to understand how I feel sometimes.

“And what about you, Yui-san?”

If she says she gave it to someone else, I’ll snatch back the chocolate I gave her. I stared intently into her eyes, determined.

“I wouldn’t give it to anyone but Kanata.”

Huh, I see. She wouldn’t give it to anyone but me. I struggled to hide the smile threatening my cheeks.

“Really?”

“Of course. So? What about you, Kanata?”

“Do you want to know?”

Since she’s always being mean to me, I have to get one back sometimes. I could tell Yui-san frowned in annoyance, so to avoid upsetting her, I rested my head on her shoulder.

“…I want to know.”

“Then, please close your eyes.”

“Eh? Why?”

“Because talking while looking into your eyes is embarrassing.”

At that, Yui-san widened her dark eyes in puzzlement. When I urged her to hurry, her long lashes reluctantly lowered as instructed.

Being stared at by those straight, unflinching eyes made a wave of tenderness well up inside me, and I lost confidence in my ability to speak properly.

　I turned to face her directly. Truly, such beautiful features. I could gaze at them forever.

“Kanata… I’ve closed my eyes.”

Urged on like that, I couldn’t help but chuckle softly.

“Are you really that curious about who I gave chocolate to? You got chocolate from all sorts of girls yourself, didn’t you? I never asked who gave it to me.”

“…Receiving and giving are different, aren’t they?”

“True. …But I really hated it when you got chocolate from other girls.”

“Hey, Kanata… Is there any point in keeping my eyes closed? Can I open them?”

“No. Please just listen.”

I wouldn’t let her open those eyes. Past experience had taught me well enough that if she looked at me, she’d seize control of the conversation.

“…Alright.”

“Before I answer, there’s something I want to ask you too.”

“What is it?”

“When Yui-san says ‘like’, what kind of ‘like’ is it?”

Her lowered lashes twitched, and for a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of unease. Though her eyes remained downcast, so I couldn’t read the depth of her feelings.

I’d always wanted to ask. How much feeling you intended to convey to me with those words.

“What kind… It means exactly what it says.”

　I drew a deep breath.

“But… how much do you like me?”

I realised my voice trembled slightly as I asked.
Her long lashes stirred slowly. Deep black eyes captured mine. I hadn’t even said it was alright to open them yet.

“Kanata.”

Hearing my name, I lowered my gaze. A gentle stroke across my cheek made me look away.

“…I told you not to open your eyes.”

“But you said it in such a voice that sounded like you were about to cry.”

She pulled me towards her and held me tightly. Feeling this anxious must surely be because of that dream I had. Even now, my chest still throbbed with pain.

“…Was it my fault you were crying earlier?”

I shook my head from side to side. It wasn’t Yui’s fault. It was my own fault for not trusting you completely.

“I had a frightening dream. That’s all.”

I clung back to her embrace, almost clinging. Her gentle palms stroked my back soothingly, and little by little, the tension drained from my body.

“…Shall we sleep together tonight? I’ll hold you tight all night long, so you won’t have any more frightening dreams.”

I nodded. I didn’t want to be apart tonight. Sleeping alone felt like it might become frightening.

“About that answer earlier. I haven’t given it to anyone else, Yui-san.”

“…Yeah, I thought so.”

Yui-san smiled happily. She kissed my eyelids, then my cheeks, one after the other, and I accepted them.

“I’ll spend all night telling you just how much I like you.”

“…No naughty things, alright…?”

Just to be sure, I added a warning, and Yui laughed out loud.

　When I asked why she didn’t have a lover, Yui said it was because, with the breakup already certain, it would only hurt the other person.

Surely, she couldn’t believe in the future ahead either.

I’m waiting, though.

I’d throw away that reason, everything, and just want her to say she wants me, forever.

Then I’d never have those dreams again.