Episode Thirty-Nine: No Naughty Business Allowed
Long black hair, rustling gently in the wind, a sweet scent tickling at my nose. A back I know well, walking ahead of me.
That beloved scent of Yui-san’s.
—Yui-san, wait.
I called out from behind, pushing my legs forward, chasing after her.
But somehow the distance never closed at all — no matter how much I ran, and ran, her retreating figure only kept pulling further away.
My legs felt heavy, dragging. Her back stayed right there in view, and yet my outstretched hand only ever grasped empty air.
Breath ragged, exhausted, worn down, right when my legs finally gave out and stopped, I realized — ah, right, this is a dream.
—Yui-san, please, wait.
Even calling her name in a cracked, straining voice, she didn’t so much as glance back.
Someone else was beside her. Not me. I couldn’t see their face. But unmistakably, Yui-san was smiling at that person, some other person, with a fondness I’ve never once seen aimed at me—
*
“Kanata.”
Shaken by the shoulder, I woke. Startled, I sat up, and found Yui-san standing there, still wearing her coat like she’d just gotten home.
“Nn, huh, I fell asleep…”
I must have dozed off on the sofa waiting for her to come home. Checking the clock, it was a little past eight in the evening.
“What’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?”
She said it, crouching down to peer into my face. Her thumb brushed under my eye, and only then did I realize — I’d been crying.
“Huh… what’s going on…”
I scrambled to wipe the tears away.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine… Welcome home, Yui-san.”
I took a deep breath first, then said it, and Yui-san smiled, faintly relieved. “I’m home.”
Gently, a single red rose was held out in front of me.
Unable to process the situation, I stared silently at the vivid red held out to me, then looked up, blank, at the person standing there.
My groggy head slowly booted back up. Right — today’s Valentine’s Day. That special day for telling someone you love them exactly how you feel.
And the day I was supposed to give Yui-san chocolate — I’d been waiting for her to come home.
Gentle black eyes looked down at me, and she crouched further to meet my gaze at eye level.
Pressing that single, beautiful rose gently into my hand, Yui-san smiled.
“This is for you, Kanata.”
“For me…?”
“It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?”
A little late, something welled up, warm, thick in my chest. I became aware of some indescribable heat spreading, deep inside me.
I’d just assumed, without ever questioning it, that Yui-san was always the one receiving on Valentine’s Day.
So I’d only ever thought about what I’d give her — it had never once occurred to me that I might also end up on the receiving end.
“…Yui-san.”
I murmured her name, almost to myself.
“There’s chocolate too.”
A box of chocolate, hidden behind her back. She set it gently in my lap and looked straight at me.
Ah, I’m weak to that gaze. The way she looks at me, like she can’t help but adore me.
My hand held gently, my heart thudding, racing.
“I love you so much, Kanata.”
Those words sank into my terribly unsteady heart.
In the dream I’d just been having, no matter how many times I called her name, she never once answered.
A genuinely awful nightmare.
Strange. She’s never once, not a single time, failed to answer when I called for her.
And here she is, telling me exactly how she feels, properly, plainly.
So why can’t I fully believe those words?
I pulled Yui-san’s hand and threw myself into her arms, clinging tight.
“Yui-san… I have chocolate ready too.”
“Eh, really?”
Pressed against her chest, I heard her voice, genuinely startled.
“Thank you. …I’m so happy.”
Held back in an embrace tight enough to almost hurt, I felt my heart filling, fast.
I remembered, now — I’d been so eager for her to come home that I’d fallen asleep hugging the hoodie she’d left on the sofa. That must be exactly why I had a dream like that.
*
The chocolate Yui-san had brought home before today’s date came to twelve pieces in total.
Eating through all of it had, honestly, taken real effort. But I never gave a single piece to Yui-san.
Something with real feeling behind it — my chocolate alone is enough for that.
*
I filled a glass with water and set the rose on the counter, somewhere I could see it always.
Really, a proper bud vase would’ve been nice, but I’d buy one tomorrow on the way back from my shift, so this would have to do for tonight.
Watching Yui-san happily bite into the chocolate I’d given her, a smile came over me naturally.
I sat beside her, our shoulders pressed close together. Then I bit into a piece of the chocolate she’d given me too.
The chocolate melting in my mouth tasted better than any of the chocolate I’d stolen from her before.
“…I never expected you to actually give me chocolate.”
“Same goes for you, Yui-san. I thought you only ever received it.”
“…Can I take this as the real thing? Did you give any to anyone else?”
Her eyes, peering into my face, mischievous, laughing. You already know the answer, don’t you, and you’re asking anyway — I wanted to say.
Somehow that irritated me, so I elbowed her side and turned away.
Because I love you enough to have a dream like that, anxious over this whole relationship, and here you are, showing no sign of that same anxiety at all.
“It’s a secret.”
“Why, tell me. You didn’t actually give any to anyone else, right?”
Yui-san grabbed my shoulder and shook it, sounding almost panicked. It’s probably because I have zero track record with men, but she always acts so composed about everything — I wanted her to worry about my feelings for once, just a little.
“What about you, then, Yui-san?”
If she said she’d given chocolate to anyone besides me, I was taking back the chocolate I’d given her, no question. I stared straight into her eyes with exactly that intention.
“There’s no way I’d give it to anyone but you.”
Hmm, I see. So there’s no way it’d be anyone but me. I struggled to hide the smile threatening to break across my face.
“Really?”
“Of course. So? What about you?”
“Do you want to know?”
I get teased so much, I figured it was time to give a little back. I could tell her brows had drawn together, faintly displeased, so, careful not to actually sour her mood, I leaned my head against her shoulder.
“…I want to know.”
“Then close your eyes.”
“Eh, why?”
“Because it’s embarrassing, saying it while you’re looking at me.”
At that, Yui-san’s black eyes went round, puzzled. Hurry up, I pressed, and, reluctant, her long lashes lowered as told.
Looked at directly by those eyes, an overwhelming fondness always wells up in me, and I lose all confidence I could speak properly.
I turned to face her head-on. Truly, such a beautiful face. I could watch it forever.
“Kanata… eyes are closed.”
Prompted, urging me on, I couldn’t help a small laugh myself.
“Are you really that curious who I gave chocolate to? You got chocolate from all kinds of girls too, Yui-san. I never once asked who gave you what.”
“…Receiving and giving are different things, aren’t they.”
“That’s true. …But I really hated it, you know, you getting chocolate from other girls.”
“Hey, Kanata… is there even a point to keeping my eyes closed? Can I open them?”
“No. Just listen like that.”
I won’t let her open her eyes. I know full well, from plenty of experience by now, that if she looks at me, she’ll take control of the conversation right back.
“…Got it.”
“Before I answer, there’s something I want to ask you too.”
“What is it?”
“When you say ‘like’… what kind of ‘like’ do you mean?”
Her lowered lashes trembled, just slightly, and for a moment I thought I caught a flicker of unease. But with her eyes closed, I couldn’t read anything deeper than that.
I’d wanted to ask this once, at some point. How much feeling you’re actually putting behind that word, every time you say it to me.
“What kind… just what it sounds like.”
I took a deep breath.
“That… how much of a ‘like’ is it?”
I noticed my own voice had come out shaking, just slightly, asking that.
Her long lashes moved, slow. That deep black caught me. I never said she could open her eyes yet.
“Kanata.”
Called by name, I dropped my gaze. Cheek stroked gently, I looked down further.
“…I said don’t open your eyes.”
“Because you said it in a voice that sounded like you were about to cry.”
My arm was pulled, and I was held tight. Feeling this anxious has to be because of that dream. Even now, something deep in my chest still aches, dull and sharp at once.
“…Was it my fault, that you were crying earlier?”
I shook my head, side to side. Not Yui-san’s fault. It’s my own fault, for not being able to fully believe you.
“I had a scary dream. That’s all it was.”
I hugged her back, half clinging. Her gentle palm stroked my back, soothing, and, little by little, the strength drained out of my body.
“…Want to sleep together tonight? I’ll hold you tight, all the way until morning, so you won’t have a scary dream again.”
I nodded, small. I didn’t want to be apart tonight. Sleeping alone felt like it might be scary.
“About what you asked earlier — I didn’t give it to anyone else. Only you, Yui-san.”
“…Yeah, I figured.”
Yui-san smiled, happy. Kissed on the eyelid, then the cheek, one after another, and I accepted each one.
“Tonight, I’ll spend the whole night showing you exactly how much I love you, Kanata.”
“…No naughty business allowed, okay…?”
I said it, driving the point home, just in case, and Yui-san burst out laughing.
Back when I’d asked her why she never dates anyone, Yui-san had said — since the ending’s already decided, all it does is hurt the other person.
I’m sure Yui-san, too, still can’t quite believe in a future beyond that.
And I’m still waiting, aren’t I.
For her to throw all of that reasoning away, everything, and just tell me she wants me.
If she ever did, I don’t think I’d ever have a dream like that again.