Episode Thirty: Just a Little Longer, Let Me Stay Like This
When we first arrived at the inn, I’d thought choosing a futon over a bed had been the right call.
But now, I was starting to reconsider — maybe it had actually been a mistake.
Even after everything that had happened, Yui-san grabbed the edge of the second futon laid out in the tatami room, dragged it flush against mine, and said, smiling brightly, “Let’s sleep together.”
Right. This is exactly who this person is.
Still flushed from the bath, my body not yet cooled down, my arm was pulled and I was dragged straight into the futon.
The lamp in the corner of the room cast the space in a dim, warm-toned glow, giving the whole room an indescribable atmosphere.
“Isn’t this a little too pushy, even for you lately, Yui-san?”
Said with that bright a smile, I couldn’t help but lose whatever resistance I might have mustered.
Refusing, at this point, would basically be announcing outright, “I’m hyperaware of you.” There was really only one option left.
“Did you not want to sleep together?”
She asked, clearly already knowing the answer wasn’t a no — that much was obvious from her expression. To begin with, Yui-san basically never does anything I actually dislike.
“If it’s just sleeping, then… I don’t mind.”
I slipped under the futon and lay down on my back.
Yui-san propped herself up on an elbow, turned to face me, lifted the edge of my futon, and slid her body in without a moment’s hesitation.
Her hand patted gently at my stomach, over the blanket, and it felt strangely like being put to sleep.
“Aren’t we going to sleep…?”
“We will. But I want to look at you a little longer first.”
We live in the same house, I could see her face anytime — Yui-san says things like this sometimes.
Caught up in the busyness of everyday life, it’s easy to forget, but I think Yui-san understands, somewhere deep down, that an ordinary day isn’t something you’re simply guaranteed, over and over, forever.
Her gentle hand stroked my cheek, and then her fingertips traced along my neck, lightly circling one particular spot.
What is she doing, I looked at her, and noticed her eyes were fixed on my neck.
“…What’s wrong?”
“Your skin’s so fair, marks show up fast on you.”
Marks? What’s that about — I started to ask, when the memory of our bath together came rushing back.
My head had been too foolish to notice at the time, but I think she’d sucked on my neck fairly hard.
“Sorry, looks like you’ve got a hickey.”
Startled, I clapped a hand over my neck. Not that doing so would make an actual bruise disappear that easily.
Yui-san laughed, mischievous. Without thinking, I gave her side a light swat.
“You definitely did that on purpose…!”
“Not on purpose. Sorry, forgive me?”
She took my hand gently and pressed a kiss to the palm. Was it really not on purpose, wearing that satisfied a face?
“…Will my hair cover it, do you think…”
“You don’t really need to hide it. It’s not that noticeable.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
That pleased expression was definitely a lie. Not like anyone’s going to see me undressed, so it’s not really a problem — but I decided I’d check properly in the mirror once morning came.
My heart pounded, steady and quick. Would I even be able to sleep tonight, in a state like this?
This was the second time I’d slept beside Yui-san. The night we watched the fireworks, we’d just slept side by side, nothing more.
And even that alone had been enough to leave me too tense to sleep well.
But even though I was tense, even though my heart was racing, strangely, I didn’t hate it.
The girls Yui-san plays around with, I thought, distantly — they must know this side of her too, this Yui-san I don’t get to see.
That night she didn’t come home, and that other night too — some girl I’ll never know had fallen asleep in these same arms, just like this.
I gripped the hem of her yukata tight.
“…When you sleep with other girls, do you always do this for them too?”
The moment I asked, the hand that had been stroking my hair went completely still.
“…What’s this, all of a sudden?”
Asked that, Yui-san didn’t answer. Even if I asked, of course she wouldn’t — she knows perfectly well that saying yes would send me spiraling into being difficult about it, so, sharp as she is, she was probably already spinning through excuses that wouldn’t upset me.
“I’ve told you plenty of times, haven’t I? That you’re special, Kanata. I don’t do this with anyone but you.”
“…Why am I special?”
“Because I like you.”
“You definitely say that to everyone. You’re kind to everyone, Yui-san. That’s exactly why everyone falls for you.”
I can’t fully believe it. I’ve never actually seen how Yui-san treats other girls, so it’s really nothing but my own imagination either way.
But Yui-san denied it, easily, flat out.
“That’s not it. You’re misunderstanding something, Kanata. Everyone just likes my fingers.”
The bluntness of it hit like a small, sharp ache in my chest.
Yui-san doesn’t play around with high-maintenance girls.
But isn’t that just Yui-san quietly pressuring them — don’t be difficult if you want to keep playing with me — rather than actually trying to understand what they really feel?
If that weren’t true, there’d be no explaining that mountain of Taiga drama Blu-rays she’d brought home.
—Though, from how puzzled she’d looked that day, tilting her head, I don’t think she’s caught on yet that it was all Ritsu-san’s scheme.
“…Isn’t that a contradiction? You like me, and yet you’re sleeping with other girls?”
“No, honestly, not really that much lately…”
Not that much — meaning it’s still not zero, then.
Well, we’re not dating, and I’m not meeting her needs, so I don’t really have the right to blame her for turning that desire elsewhere.
“You’re really unfaithful, Yui-san, aren’t you. If… if I ended up falling for you, would you actually take responsibility for that?”
I said it, pouting, accusatory, and Yui-san blinked, several times, rapid.
“Responsibility… hm. I don’t know, we can’t get married, can’t have kids… Yeah, that’s a tough one.”
Marriage, kids — is that what “responsibility” means to her? Even bringing that up, I think, in Japan right now, that’s simply not possible.
Something a piece of paper makes effortless between a man and a woman is, no matter how hard you fight for it, genuinely difficult to secure between two women.
“…Are you really thinking that far ahead, marriage, kids, all of that, Yui-san?”
“It’s not really that far off. Though maybe you can’t quite understand that yet, at your age.”
“…Is that the real reason you don’t date anyone?”
I asked, hesitant, and Yui-san let out a small laugh. A smile that could have meant either yes or no.
“Well, that’s not the only reason, but… No matter how much I like someone, there are things I can never give them. If dating someone means the ending is already decided, all it does is hurt them — that’s why I don’t do girlfriends.”
The resolve in her voice, stated so plainly, felt far firmer than I’d expected.
“So… I can’t take responsibility, and I can’t make promises either… but even so, I do like you, Kanata. Is that not enough?”
Her gentle hand stroked my cheek, fond. Someone this capable of deep affection — why is she still this stubborn about it?
My own father once said Yukiya-san takes after their father in his stubbornness. I think Yui-san’s every bit as stubborn, in her own way.
“I don’t… just liking me isn’t enough. It’s not enough. If it’s someone I like, I want all of them, exclusively, and I want a real promise. I want you to only look at me, not at other girls.”
Hey, Yui-san. This is what I’m telling you. I stared straight into her eyes and threw every bit of what I felt at her.
Whether she understood or not, her eyes, watching me, narrowed gently.
“Heh…”
Unable to hold it back, Yui-san laughed.
“…You just thought I was being a hassle, didn’t you.”
“Nn-nn, you’re cute. Whoever ends up as your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be really happy.”
Why is she picturing my future with someone else entirely? Don’t you like me? If you do, why can’t you picture a future with me in it?
“Yui-san… you say you like me, and yet you don’t actually want to be my girlfriend. Whether we’d break up or not — you can’t know that until you actually try.”
“…Hmm, well, if you actually asked me — begged me to be your girlfriend — I’d consider it.”
“Why am I the one who has to ask…”
You’re the one who says you like me, so that should absolutely be something you say first.
Annoyed, I gave her stomach a light punch, and Yui-san laughed.
“C’mon, let’s sleep already. Early start tomorrow too. You want to go eat the black eggs, don’t you?”
“You always deflect like this. I hate that about you, Yui-san.”
“Don’t say you hate me. I really, really like you, Kanata.”
Her arm slid smoothly between the pillow and my neck. Once it reached my shoulder, I was pulled in close, folding neatly into her embrace.
An arm pillow. Unexpectedly, my heart gave a small, helpless flutter. Wrapped in that good scent, I closed my eyes.
Fine, whatever. It’s warm, it feels good — I’ll let myself be deflected, just for tonight.
Saying you like me, and yet never letting yourself become mine — I really do resent you for that, more than I can say.
“…Sorry for being unfair. I’ll tell you properly someday. Just a little longer, let me stay like this.”
The voice whispered against my ear sounded weaker than usual, nothing like the Yui-san I know.
Even if there’s something Yui-san still can’t tell me yet, right now, I felt like that was okay.
Every time I catch a glimpse of that fragile side of her, I find I can’t say anything back at all.
Because I’ve learned, by now — Yui-san isn’t nearly as strong as she looks.
I think that’s exactly the part of you I fell in love with.
Notes:
- Yui’s “everyone just likes my fingers” line is one of the bluntest, most self-deprecating things she’s said about herself so far — a sharp contrast to her usual deflecting humor, and Kanata’s narration registers it as a real wound rather than a joke.\
- The marriage/children exchange is the most direct articulation yet of why Yui refuses relationships — framed as protecting partners from a foreclosed future rather than simple commitment-phobia, which recontextualizes her “no girlfriends” rule established all the way back in Episode Three.\
- Closing line (“I think that’s exactly the part of you I fell in love with”) is the first unhedged, unqualified “I love you” — not directed at Yui aloud, but no longer wrapped in denial or deflection either.\
- No content requiring a censor mark this episode — stays at emotional/verbal intensity throughout.
Episode Thirty-One — 「結衣さんの、好きにして」(“Do Whatever You Want With Me, Yui-san”) — whenever you’re ready.