Episode Thirty-Nine
I spent the time just sitting in my seat, and before I noticed, school had ended.
Even standing up felt like too much effort. Staring blankly down at my desk, Fuuka arrived right away and pulled me out of the classroom by the hand.
Led along by a silent Fuuka, I changed my shoes at the lockers and passed through the school gates. Where were we even going? I could have asked and she’d have told me, but with Fuuka not smiling even slightly, it was hard to find the words.
We got on the usual train, got off at the usual station. Fuuka not saying a single word the whole ride felt almost frightening — though maybe I looked exactly the same way to her.
“…Here.”
I looked up at the familiar family restaurant and murmured it. After sports day. The day of our middle school graduation. The day I fell for Ao. Fuuka and I had come here so many times, and yet I didn’t want to come today. This place is full of good memories.
“I’ve decided this is where Yuna’s interrogation happens. Come on, in you go.”
I let myself be pulled along by the firm grip on my arm and stepped inside.
Not too quiet, not too loud. The restaurant, about half full, felt like a decent place to actually talk face to face.
“It’s rare for you to order juice.”
Fuuka murmured it, looking at the orange-coloured glass set down in front of me.
“I don’t know. Just felt like it.”
Tea, usually, from the drink bar. Fuuka’s told me more than once that it’s not worth the price otherwise.
“Huh. Well, whatever’s fine.”
The sound of someone dropping their dishes somewhere. The cute little voice of the delivery robot. This place is overflowing with ordinary, everyday life.
I’m the only thing that’s fallen out of it.
“I know who you like.”
“…What?”
The sudden declaration made the breath caught in my throat come out as a cough.
“Thought I hadn’t noticed? How many years do you think we’ve been together?”
“…I don’t have anyone I like.”
“Ao.”
“Nagai Ao-chan. Right?”
My heart lurched hard. Fuuka’s voice, lower than usual, settled onto my shoulders with real weight. Every word that surfaced in my head dissolved before I could get it out.
I lifted my gaze slightly, and my eyes met Fuuka’s. She was watching me steadily. Lying wouldn’t work.
It was already out.
“…Yeah.”
The moment I said it, the tears spilled over.
“She’s cute, isn’t she. Great figure, smart, athletic. Kind of funny too, in her own way.”
“She’d be popular with anyone.”
Why does Fuuka have that expression on her face right now? Her voice sounds bright and carefree, and yet her smile looks like it might crumble at any second.
“Since when did you notice?”
“Hmm. Around this time last year?”
“…I see.”
The whole time, then. Had I really been that easy to read? I’d never once talked to Fuuka about it.
“So, what happened with her?”
The hand resting on my glass was trembling. I couldn’t meet Fuuka’s eyes. I wanted to run again. But that wouldn’t be any different from yesterday.
“There’s… something I want you to hear.”
“I’m listening. Anything about you.”
She might end up hating me. But I felt like I had to tell Fuuka.
“It’s about my stepsister…”
My throat was dry. I should have gotten tea instead. I didn’t much want this juice right now.
“She’s the same age as me. A classmate at the same school.”
I heard Fuuka catch her breath, just for a moment.
“I ended up… falling for her.”
“Or, more like — the girl I already liked became my stepsister.”
“It’s disgusting, isn’t it. Liking your own stepsister.”
The back of my eyes burned. Blinking again and again did nothing, and my fingertips kept trembling with no sign of settling.
Maybe this is the end for me and Fuuka too. What do I do from here. Will she manage exams on her own? Maybe someone else should teach her instead of me.
“That’s it?”
“…Huh?”
I looked up without meaning to and found Fuuka, arms crossed under her chest, looking back at me.
“Ao only became your stepsister because of your parents. Why is that something you need to feel bad about?”
“Ao might technically be your stepsister, but is that really what she is?”
I didn’t understand what Fuuka was getting at.
“She is my stepsister. It’s written that way — Tsukishima Ao.”
“Sure, on paper. But is ‘stepsister’ really the right word for what she is to you?”
“If you technically became my little sister through some family register thing, I don’t think I’d ever actually see you as my sister.”
“But to Dad, and to Shiho— to Mum, Ao and I are sisters. If they found out I had feelings like this for family, it would break their hearts.”
Ao’s my stepsister, but not my sister. My head was too tangled to make sense of anything.
“Then just ignore that part. They went and got married on their own, and now you’re supposed to give up on someone you love because you’re ‘family’? That’s the actual creepy part.”
“I can’t just ignore it! Dad would definitely be hurt—”
“Listen.”
Fuuka’s voice dropped low. A voice I’d never heard from her before, and my whole body went rigid on reflex.
“I don’t think Yuna’s dad is that kind of terrible person. I don’t know your mum, but if she’s someone your dad chose, and she’s Ao’s mother — there’s no way she’s a bad person either.”
“Why don’t you trust your family?”
“…!”
Trust my family. Trust in what, exactly?
I like my stepsister. I want to kiss her. I want to stay with her forever. There’s no way I could say something like that.
“You don’t have to tell your parents everything. If it comes out eventually… well, that’s just how it goes.”
“Keep it hidden, keep it hidden, and if it ever comes out, trust your family to handle it. I really don’t think they’d be angry.”
“Your dad might actually cry tears of joy. That guy’s hilarious like that.”
Fuuka’s hand wrapped around mine.
“So there’s nothing wrong with you liking Ao. You don’t need to worry about the family stuff.”
Fuuka’s words felt like they’d struck somewhere deep in my chest. The tears running down my cheeks wouldn’t stop.
“But! I did something terrible to her…”
I never once considered how Ao might feel, forced my own feelings onto her one-sidedly, and then just ran away. However many times I think back on it, it feels awful.
“Then apologise.”
“…Huh?”
“You haven’t apologised yet, have you?”
“…No, not yet.”
“Yuna—”
Fuuka paused for a beat. My heart wouldn’t stop racing — whether from guilt over Ao and my family, or for some other reason, I couldn’t tell.
“You overthink everything. All of it.”
“Giving up on Ao because it’s bad for the family. Only looking at the fact that you did something terrible and not even apologising for it.”
“You’re always working so hard, Yuna. Just this once, try doing what you actually want.”
She said it, and gave a soft smile I couldn’t look away from.
Set the family aside, and tell Ao how I feel. The thing I’ve wanted, deep down, this whole time.
I gripped the hand still resting on mine, hard. The shaking in my body spilled out as sobs, and shook the small booth for a while.
Fuuka watched over me warmly the whole time my shoulders kept trembling. She really is such a kind person.
I don’t know if my feelings have actually settled. I haven’t fully taken in everything Fuuka said, either. But I didn’t want to have regrets.
“Oh, it’s started raining.”
Looking out the window, rain had begun falling in scattered drops from the dark clouds.
Does Ao have an umbrella with her? Where is she right now?
“Hey, Yuna.”
Fuuka, who’d been idly playing with the straw in her glass, gently looked away from me.
“Did you know I like you?”