Episode Eleven
“Onee-chan, want to walk to school together?”
Ao said it in her usual voice, as though it were the most ordinary thing — with a piece of toast in her mouth.
“Um… I’ve got student council things, so I need to head out a bit early today.”
“Maybe another time.”
I looked down at the milk tea Ao had made for me and told the lie.
“Being president sounds rough. Seriously though — if things get busy, don’t push yourself with the cooking and everything, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
A short answer, and I took my dishes to the kitchen. I’d spent so long turning things over in bed last night, but the moment I see Ao the feelings I’d been trying to hold down threaten to spill over again. Walking to school together sounds like a dream — but right now it’s more than I can handle.
“I’m off.”
“Have a good day~ Do your best at student council~”
I gave a small wave to Ao’s cheerful send-off and pushed open the front door.
The morning sun was stronger than you’d expect in spring, and the back of my neck prickled with warmth. When summer comes and this light gets even stronger, where will I be by then? At school there’s a natural distance from Ao, which gives me room to breathe and settle myself. But summer break means we’d both be home more than not.
Entrance exams were getting closer too, which meant summer cram school. Maybe there’d be no room left to get lost in feelings like this. Something more like a proper student — textbooks and notebooks and nothing else. That’s what I wanted to happen.
I’m usually so aware of the distance to school, but today I’d been so lost in strange thoughts that I arrived without noticing. There was still time before homeroom, so I headed to the student council room to do some self-study.
I hoped someone would be there. When I’m alone I end up drowning in ugly thoughts, and at times like this I want someone to talk to.
As if that would happen — before eight, the student council room was still locked.
Of course it was. At a school that prided itself on respecting student autonomy, even the student council had a somewhat loosely defined existence. The heavy workload wasn’t especially heavy, and nobody was expected to be at the school gates welcoming students in at dawn.
I let go of the door that showed no sign of opening and dragged my heavy body toward the staffroom.
I worked through my self-study in a mechanical haze, then spent the time before homeroom with Fuuka. The same as always, in the ways that mattered.
First period was English, and an unannounced quiz sent a ripple of dismay through the class. It happened to cover exactly what I’d been reviewing this morning, so I got through it without difficulty, and despite the cloudiness sitting somewhere in my chest, I felt a small lift.
Complaints and grievances about the quiz were flying around the classroom as the bell rang. If I hadn’t run away from Ao this morning, I might have been chiming in with the rest of them.
Second period was physics — which meant a different classroom. I swallowed the sigh threatening to surface and stood up from my seat, and a voice caught me before I could move.
“Yuna, want to go together?”
“Yeah, sure. So, how did the quiz go—”
Fuuka who slept through most classes couldn’t possibly have handled an unannounced quiz. I’d been turning over how best to tease her about it as I spun around — and the words stopped in my mouth.
“The quiz? Perfect score, obviously.”
Ao was holding her textbook against her chest, making a small peace sign. The smug little expression was so cute I wanted to take a photo.
“Oh… Nagai-san.”
I could feel the eyes of our classmates on us — probably finding it unusual to see me talking to Ao. I was probably just being too self-conscious.
“Hmm — oh well.”
Ao gave a small shrug of her slender shoulders, then reached out and took my hand and walked me straight out of the classroom.
“Wh— whoa—”
Her unexpected move threw off my footing entirely.
This was school. There were classmates all around us. I might be fairly low-profile, but I was still technically the student council president — at least my face was known to some extent. If something odd happened, that kind of rumour would travel through the school in no time.
“Wh— what’s going on? Aren’t you with Ashiura-san and the others?”
I asked the back of her as she pulled me through the busy corridor, my voice nearly swallowed by the noise around us.
Ao had lots of friends, but she was basically always with the same people. Ashiura-san and Miki-san. Unlike the made-up version of me they were all genuinely sparkling and lovely, and I was sure they were popular. Well — Ao was the loveliest of all. But.
“It’s fine to walk with Yuna sometimes, isn’t it. I want to see more of you at school too.”
She murmured it in a voice pitched just for me.
“I mean, sure, but…”
Ao’s body heat came through her hand into mine. Her slightly cool palm against my warm, slightly damp hand — the feeling of them pressed together made it hard to breathe. I wanted to pull away. I didn’t want to pull away.
“Also — Nagai-san is banned. Call me Ao. Everyone else does, don’t they?”
She turned back with a mischievous smile and I let out a long breath.
“…I know, but.”
If I could just say it like that, I would have already. She has no idea how hard it is to say the name of the person you love. And when she calls me “Yuna,” my head nearly boils over and I can’t get words out properly.
Tsukishima-san would be fine, at school.
At home it’s “Onee-chan,” at school it’s “Yuna.” I’d thought school was the one place I could escape to — apparently not.
I don’t think Ao is doing anything wrong. I’m the one who’s wrong. I repeated that to myself for what felt like the hundredth time.
The physics classroom was in the next building, so the walk took a fair amount of time. Ao already stood out on her own — being pulled along behind her, I could only wonder what we looked like to classmates hungry for something to talk about. The unfamiliar weight of their attention made my head ache, but I couldn’t let go of the hand holding mine.