Episode 57

Once again, I was agonising in front of my wardrobe.

Every time I meet Fujishiro for something other than studying, it always ends up like this.

I’d known from the start I’d end up agonising this much, so I should have just refused firmly, but whenever she looks weak or looks happy, I lose the ability to say no.

“Haah…”

Ever since the midterm exam, I’d meant to stop having anything to do with Fujishiro, and yet somehow this relationship keeps dragging on regardless.

The fault is mine too.
I should have made my own opinion clear.

So then, what actually is my opinion?

……………Right.
My own heart is always drifting, never settled on anything.

And because I keep getting tangled up with someone this incomprehensible, my heart gets thrown into even more disorder.

“Haah…”

How many more times am I going to sigh.
All I was doing was thinking about what to wear.

The reason I agonise this much is Fujishiro’s fault, for being cute.

I really do think she’s a person whose entire existence gets under my skin.

Money, good looks, a sense of style, popular with everyone.

In every way, someone far more blessed than me.

But if I’m going to stand next to someone like Fujishiro, I feel like I need to become a decent enough person myself.

Standing in front of the mirror, my mother’s words come back to me.

No matter what I wear, I always end up thinking I look ugly.

Still, I found myself hesitating over a dress my mother had handed off to me, saying she didn’t need it, one I’d never had occasion to wear.

If she thought it was ugly on me, she shouldn’t have pushed cute clothes onto me in the first place.

“Haah…”

In the end, I decided to wear the dress.

The reason was simple. It’s cool, and since it had been brought into the world anyway, I thought this dress deserved to be needed by someone too.

I put it on, combed my hair, and, as an afterthought, put on the earrings Fujishiro had given me, and checked the mirror one more time before heading out.

As expected, nothing suits me at all. Even so, all I could do was force my feet forward, out the door.

The sun bore down on me relentlessly, and within a few dozen minutes sweat had started beading along my back. And yet my legs felt strangely bare and cold, an unpleasant sensation.

Ignoring it, I walked to the station and headed for the waiting room.

The waiting room had the air conditioning running, and sitting down let me rest properly for a while. But before I could even enjoy the cool air, a dazzlingly bright figure appeared.

Bright enough to make me want to squint, like an angel, and yet with that choker firmly around her neck, she looked more like a fallen angel instead.

“Morishita, sorry to keep you waiting.”
“Yeah.”

I stood up slowly, and Fujishiro stared at me intently. Being looked at like that made me feel like today’s choice of self had been a genuinely bad one, and I didn’t like it.

“What?”
“No…”

Fujishiro kept scanning me up and down, same as always.

I regretted wearing this outfit after all.

Not knowing where we were even headed, I turned my back to her and started walking. But almost immediately my hand was caught in her too-warm grip, and I couldn’t move.

Fujishiro circled in front of me without any regard for who might be watching, gazing up at me from below.

Feeling awkward, I looked away.

“Morishita.”
“What.”
“Look this way?”
“Why should I.”
“Please.”

Reluctantly, I looked at Fujishiro’s face, since she was so determined to have her way.

Maybe it was just my imagination, but the surface of her eyes seemed to waver, unsteady. In sync with that, the earring dangling from her ear, matching mine, swayed too.

Fujishiro looked as though she’d made up her mind about something, gazing at me with real seriousness.

“Morishita, cute—”

The word came so suddenly that I caught my breath, sharp.

My breathing grew difficult, and my head went slightly light, as if starved of air.

Being told that out of nowhere left me flustered, and I reached for her choker and yanked it tight.

Fujishiro’s face twisted for just a moment in discomfort, but almost immediately her cheeks flushed and she looked delighted instead.

“Total pervert.”
“Hey, hey, Morishita’s so cute. That dress suits you. I’m happy you wore the earrings. I wore mine too. Hey, Morishita, you’re so, so cute.”
“You’re being noisy.”

I’d meant to do something unpleasant to her, and yet Fujishiro’s momentum showed no sign of slowing at all.
Too tired to keep it up, I let go of the choker, and Fujishiro trotted along right beside me.

Curious about where we were actually heading, I asked.

“Where are we going today?”
“A beautiful place.”
“A beautiful place?”
“Yeah.”

Fujishiro said only that and bought her ticket. I bought one for the same fare and boarded the train with her.

Despite it being a Saturday, the train was nearly empty, and I sat down beside Fujishiro. Even with all that space available, she closed the distance and sat pressed right against me.

“Too close.”
“Seats are meant to be shared, aren’t they?”

That’s something you say once there are more people around, surely.
Being oddly, foolishly earnest about the wrong things, maybe that’s because she’s vice president.

I decided to just stay quiet for now. But Fujishiro doesn’t seem inclined to let me stay quiet either.

“Hey, hey, want to listen to music together?”
“Music?”
“Yeah.”

I hadn’t said yes, and yet she pushed an earphone into my ear anyway, and pleasant music started flowing through it.

Annoyed, I tried to pull away, and the earring caught on the earphone cord and came loose.

She put it back on without a single complaint.

Maybe I really am too soft mentally.

I found myself feeling sorry that Fujishiro’s earring had come off again.

Tilting my head slightly, I leaned in closer to her.

Fujishiro said nothing, just clung to my arm and rested her head against my shoulder.

Sweltering with summer heat.
Her body temperature was uncomfortably hot, and yet it felt comfortable too.

Caught in that contradiction of my own feelings, my neck grew tired, and I ended up resting my own head lightly against the top of hers.

The train’s rhythmic sway settled into my body, the foreign pop music drifting through the earphones calmed my mind, and before I knew it, I’d drifted off to sleep.