Episode 24: Obsession — Honoka’s Side
side.Honoka
Face buried in Yuna’s chest, I close my eyes softly.
The faint trace of last night’s warmth and scent still clinging to her skin wraps around me, light as air.
— I’m so happy.
To have been this close to Yuna, skin against skin. To be near her again after all that distance between us.
The way she wound her arms around me as if she wanted me — I love it so much it aches.
And yet. Something was stirring uneasily in the depths of my chest.
Last night, Yuna was gentle.
She touched me so much, and kissed me.
But… there was a composure to her. A kind of ease.
The Yuna I knew before was different.
On nights when things went like this, she would reach for me fiercely — as if to claim sole possession of me.
Again and again, as if carving it into me: you are mine.
I had found that possessiveness a little suffocating, hadn’t I. Just slightly.
— Then why.
Right now, I find myself longing for that forceful way of loving.
I cling to Yuna’s arm, pulling her close.
As if to hide the anxiety taking root in the depths of my chest.
“…Yuna.”
When I call her name in a hoarse voice, Yuna strokes my hair gently.
That warmth of her hand makes me so happy — and at the same time, just a little afraid.
What if this gentleness is only there to put me at ease.
What if she no longer wants me with the same urgency as before…
“Mm…?”
Yuna answers in a calm, soft voice.
Gentle, enveloping, warm.
The soft voice she saves only for me — and still my heart is full of nothing but anxiety.
— Hey, Yuna. Do you still love me the same way?
The question rose all the way to my throat, and still wouldn’t become sound.
I’m afraid to ask.
What if I ask, and the answer is something terrible?
Instead, I press my lips softly to her throat.
The place I touched again and again last night.
Where my marks are still clearly there.
chu—
When I press my mouth gently there, Yuna shifts with a ticklish little movement.
But only that.
Before, if I touched her with even a fraction of this strength, Yuna would have responded with her whole body and reached back for me immediately. Today is different.
— It’s not enough. It’s not enough, Yuna…
Hold me tighter.
Tell me you won’t let me go.
Without you possessing me, the anxiety is more than I can bear…
I pressed my lips to her shoulder again.
Again and again.
The same as last night.
But Yuna only smiled gently and stroked my hair.
That’s not it. That’s not it, Yuna.
Want me more.
Don’t let me get away.
“…Honoka?”
Yuna calls my name, sounding faintly puzzled.
I cling to her and can’t bring myself to pull away, so I only nod.
My chest is tight.
I want to keep touching Yuna like this, more and more.
I want to stay connected.
I don’t want to let go.
“…Yuna… I want to stay like this forever…”
When I murmur it in a hoarse voice, Yuna draws me gently close.
That warmth of her arms — it makes me so happy, and at the same time, just a little afraid.
— Hey, Yuna. Even when I want you this much, why are you so composed?
Why am I the only one this desperate?
Even so, I bury my face in her chest.
Not wanting her to know this anxiety.
Not wanting her to stop loving me.
Pressing my face into the curve of her throat — and then something surfaces in me, slowly.
— Ah… so this is what it felt like. For Yuna, all this time.
Every time I asked for more freedom, she would grow anxious and lonely.
She wanted to keep me close, and reached for me fiercely because she couldn’t bear it…
Yuna felt like this, the whole time…
The thought squeezes my chest tight.
I’m sorry, Yuna.
I didn’t really understand you at all.
Every time I reached for freedom, I might have been putting her through this.
Pressing my arms around her, I close my eyes softly.
Never again will I make her feel this anxious.
So — bind me tighter… make me yours and yours alone.