Episode 49: Sorry for Falling for You

I opened the door and stepped inside. The house was deathly quiet, the only sound echoing was the clang of the door closing behind me.

Having come this far, perhaps I’d steeled myself. My heartbeat was strangely still, and I was slightly surprised at how calm I felt.

I walked down the hallway and opened the living room door. The room was dim, the curtains drawn tight.

　Yui-san, who had been sitting on the sofa, noticed me and looked up with a start.

“…I’m back.”

Feeling awkward, I muttered that without meeting her gaze. Yui-san stood up and rushed towards me. She took my hand, and my body swayed with a jolt. She pulled me close, and I found myself completely enveloped in her arms.

　It was an embrace so tight it felt almost suffocating. I didn’t pull away, silently surrendering myself to her arms. Her scent was so familiar, so beloved, it made me want to cry.

“…Kanata, thank you for coming back. I’m so sorry… for hurting you.”

Held so tightly, I couldn’t see Yui’s expression. Only her voice trembled slightly. Unable to bear it, I gently stroked her back.

“I’m the one who said such awful things… I’m sorry.”

Yui shook her head silently. Her arms loosened slightly, so I looked up at her. She looked as if she might cry at any moment, and my heart clenched painfully.

“Will you tell me everything…?”

　When I asked, Yui nodded. I wanted to know. Everything, from Yui’s own lips.

Opening the curtains, which had remained closed, allowed soft spring sunlight to stream into the living room. Yui’s coat and bag from yesterday lay carelessly tossed beside the sofa. It seemed unlike her, someone who was always so tidy and organised.

　Had she slept properly last night? I began to worry.

After placing two iced teas on the coffee table, Yui sat down beside me.

After a brief pause, as if considering where to begin, Yui opened her heavy mouth.

“…Shinji and I became engaged when I was eighteen. We’d discussed getting married once I’d started working and things had settled down, but nothing was set in stone. Since I’m taking over the company, the business partnership aspect is very strong… So Shinji is currently working as my father’s right-hand man. To be able to support the management in the future.”

“I see…”

　I knew it, yet I felt disheartened. Realising that Kitakami-san was far, far more essential to Yui-san’s life than I’d imagined made my stomach twist painfully.

If he had been merely a lover, a marriage prospect, there might still have been some solace.

“Truthfully, it would be best if Yuki-nii took over the company… But as you know, Kanata, he hasn’t reconciled with Father, so that’s difficult. That’s why I had no choice but to accept the engagement. If Yuki-nii was gone and I too refused Father’s will, I thought he’d surely be hurt. I kept telling myself it couldn’t be helped, that this was the company he’d protected all these years…”

　Her words fell like scattered raindrops, and I felt my heart grow still. Watching her clench her fists so tightly they turned white, thinking of all the pain and conflict Yui-san had endured until now, my chest felt like it would split open.

“I couldn’t tell Kanata… I felt that if I did, she’d leave me… I was truly awful. I’m sorry I kept silent…”

We looked straight into each other’s eyes. There was not a single cloud in those eyes.
They got engaged when Yui was eighteen… in her final year of high school. It coincided with the time she broke up with her ex-girlfriend. I vaguely realised that the reason for that breakup, which Yui never told me, was probably this.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t have dumped someone as kind and wonderful as her.

Because of that incident, Yui probably couldn’t bring herself to tell me the truth.

“…You don’t need to apologise anymore. For keeping quiet.”

That she’d intended to tell me someday. That she simply couldn’t bring herself to say it. I understand that feeling. I know she struggled with it. So it’s alright now.

Because I already know that her love for me is the one thing that isn’t a lie.

Yui squeezed my hand tightly.

“…I’m going to tell them properly. Shinji, and Dad too. It might take time for them to understand… But I won’t run away anymore. So…”

“Yui-san.”

I interrupted the words Yui-san was trying to weave, gently clasping her hand in return. I think to myself, I’m a lucky one. That you, whom I adore, would say this much to me – that alone is more than enough.

　There was something I had to tell you. Something I’d never been able to say. Something I’d wanted to say. I wanted to tell you, pouring every ounce of my feelings into it.

“I… I love you, Yui-san.”

I gazed into those beloved black eyes. I’d never been able to say it, not once. Because you said you didn’t make lovers. So it was your fault I couldn’t say it.

　Slowly, tears welled in those eyes. One rolled down her cheek, so I gently wiped it away with my thumb. Just as you had done for me all this time.

“…I love you too. I love you very much, Kanata.”

It was the first time I’d ever seen Yui cry. Fighting the urge to hold her close, I forced a smile. Right now, our feelings were definitely connected. We were thinking of each other.

Therefore, this love — it was never a mistake.

I have no regrets. Falling in love with Yui-san. From now on, forever. I will never forget.

“…I’m going back to my parents. Because I love you, Yui-san, because I love you so much, I can’t stay with you any longer.”

Tears like jewels trickled down her cheeks. “Why…” Yui murmured softly, her voice barely audible.

“…I can’t give you what you need in life. Worse, I might take it away. That… hurts me. Because I love you so much…”

Her arms seized mine, pulling me into a tight embrace. Something cold ran down my neck and trickled away.

“No… Don’t go, please… Stay by my side, Kanata…”

The arms holding me trembled. Though I thought I’d cried myself dry last night, tears welled up with surprising ease, blurring my vision.

I squeezed back, holding her tight. Considering the magnitude of what Yui-san would have to abandon by choosing me, the answer I had to give was clear.

Somewhere deep down, I knew this kind person would say it. I knew they would choose to abandon everything for me. And just as I thought, that’s exactly what happened.

Over this past year, I came to understand how profoundly loving you are.

So, for someone like you, there’s only one thing I can do.

I don’t want to be a shadow over your future life.

I want you to walk the sunlit path. Had you never met me, that is surely the path you would have taken.

Let us return everything to how it was. Though time cannot be rewound, for you to walk the right path forward, it is better I am not there.

It is agonisingly painful, heart-wrenching, yet thinking of you, Yui-san, this was the only choice I could conceive as best.

But… I don’t want to part. I don’t want to forget the strength of these arms, this sweet scent.

“…Yui, just one last request. Will you grant it?”

I stroked her back as she held me tightly, refusing to let go, and whispered this. When she lifted her face, large tears streamed from her eyes and fell.

I looked straight at Yui. I wanted to burn even a single tear into my memory.

“…Would you hold me? Just one last time?”

Hearing those words, I saw despair light in Yui-san’s dark eyes. She must have realised my feelings wouldn’t change.

She’s a sensible person. Truly skilled at reading others’ emotions.

She knows my character well too. So she must understand. That I could never allow her to sacrifice anything to choose me.

　She blinked slowly once, then gently stroked my cheek with her hand before softly pressing her lips to mine.

Her tear-wet lips tasted salty.

Every part of Yui-san’s body was burning hot. Her fingers sliding over me, her lips, our skin touching – it all conveyed her love for me so directly.

　It felt so good, I felt like I might go mad. My breath quickened, my whole body felt hot as if it were boiling.
Still lost in feverish thoughts, I gazed at Yui-san and pulled her body tightly against mine.

Until now, I hated sex. But I love doing it with Yui-san. I can feel so intensely loved. A euphoric feeling, like my chest was floating, washed over me.

All the feelings I’d kept bottled up surged forth like a muddy torrent, and over and over, as if broken, I repeated “I love you”. Each time, Yui-san looked as if she might cry, and kissed my lips.

I loved the way you called my name, “Kanata”. I loved the way you gazed at me, as if I were precious. I thought it was all mine. I wanted it to be mine alone.

　I don’t want to forget a single thing. Your flowing black hair, your porcelain-like, beautifully smooth white skin – I want to remember it all, every last bit. So that even if you’re not here in the future, I can live relying only on these memories.

As if sharing the feelings I’d never been able to express, we lay those words ‘I love you’ over and over, clinging to each other.

I didn’t want it to end, yet those long fingers of yours, Yui-san, so infuriatingly experienced with women, drove me to the edge with such ease.

　My whole body trembled, and I couldn’t bear the overwhelming pleasure surging through me.

I wanted to bite her.

The moment that thought crossed my mind, my shattered thought processes refused to function properly. Driven purely by desire, I sank my teeth into her white shoulder with all my strength.

“I-it…!”

Yui-san groaned in pain at my ear. Oh, I’d done it again. But please forgive me. This is the last time.

Because it was Yui-san who gave me this habit of biting.

Please don’t forget. That you loved me.

My body went limp, drained of strength. My vision flickered, and I closed my eyes, still breathing heavily.

　A gentle right hand softly wiped away the tears I’d shed. Within my fading consciousness, I heard Yui-san’s voice.

“…I’m sorry for falling in love with you.”

Her body, clutching me tightly, was hot. Sweaty bodies pressed together as Yui-san repeated “I’m sorry” over and over in a voice that seemed to fade away.

　After it was all over, Yui-san, who probably hadn’t slept properly last night, fell into a deep, mud-like sleep while still holding me.

Closing my eyes, I pressed myself tightly against her.

Recalling each moment from the day we met until today, trying not to forget a single one, I held her body close, holding her tight.