Episode 16: Sinking Heart — Honoka’s Side
side.Honoka
The first holiday since Yuna and I put distance between us.
I was lying alone on my bed at home.
Holidays had always meant being with Yuna, so being by myself like this felt unfamiliar in a way it hadn’t for a long time.
“…Haah.”
I rolled slowly onto my side and let out a quiet sigh.
(…Yuna.)
The only thing rising in my head was Yuna.
If it had been simple loneliness, maybe I could have managed it more easily.
But what was living inside me was something different — something more restless than that.
I knew what was causing it.
The scene from that day at the café — it hadn’t left me. It kept coming back.
Yuna and a girl I didn’t know, sitting side by side, talking about something.
I don’t know who that girl was, or what they were saying.
But the bare fact of it — Yuna being somewhere with someone else — had snagged in the depths of my chest and wouldn’t let go.
(Who… was she?)
I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
It was me who gave Yuna the opening to put distance between us, and now here I am, all stirred up about it — I know how selfish that is.
Even so, I couldn’t help it — and before I’d realised it, I had my phone in my hand.
(It’s not like I want to ask her anything. I just want to send a message. Just a little one.)
Making excuses to myself, I opened the chat screen.
Yuna, are you okay?
The moment I hit send, my heartbeat quickened, just slightly.
Maybe the read receipt would appear straight away. Maybe it wouldn’t.
I kept my eyes on the phone screen for a while, thinking that — but the read receipt didn’t come.
“…Maybe I should try calling.”
Saying it aloud made me feel just a little less tense, somehow.
It’s nothing. Just checking in. Just to know she’s okay, that’s all.
The ringing tone sounded.
…But no matter how many times it rang, Yuna didn’t pick up.
(…Why?)
An unease spread slowly through the depths of my chest.
Yuna had never ignored me like this before. Not once.
Even when she was busy, she always replied eventually — always called back.
And yet today —
(…Why won’t you pick up?)
The ringing cut off. I stared at the screen showing the ended call, and felt the tips of my fingers go gradually cold.
(Maybe she just hasn’t noticed? Or maybe she’s busy…)
I tried to reason with myself that way.
But Yuna had always noticed straight away and called back.
At the very least, she had never once ignored a call from me.
(…Why.)
Something tightened slowly, steadily, in the depths of my chest.
Yuna not picking up. That was all it was. And yet nothing but the worst imaginings kept rising to the surface.
Maybe she’s with someone, and that’s why
Or maybe — she saw my call, and chose not to answer?
I gripped my phone tight.
(…That couldn’t happen. Could it.)
But this is the reality — she isn’t reaching me.
And that alone is enough to make the inside of my chest go darker and darker.
— Where is Yuna right now, and what is she doing?
That I don’t know the answer — that it makes me this anxious — I hadn’t realised until now.