Episode 37: Prejudice Without Tasting
The day after the summer festival, I was laid up at home, completely knackered, when Endo-san and Mayo-nee came to my room.
Why on earth are those two getting along now?
They used to be like sworn enemies, refusing to even listen to each other talk.
Endo-san has been rather keen on touching me lately.
Kissing me without asking, hugging me.
And today, she even told me to come and stay at her place. It’s impossible to decide so suddenly, and frankly, I don’t understand why I should stay at Endo-san’s house in the first place.
My room is deathly quiet.
While my sister was here, my parents’ attention was focused on her, making things easier. But now she’s gone, I’m back to living at home holding my breath.
Nothing’s really changed from before.
If it gets too much, I can always go to the library. At the library, I can study and practise my sewing.
It’s just… maybe because my sister was here for so long, going back to how things were feels a bit suffocating.
The Labrador stuffed toy on my desk, given to me by Endo-san during the summer festival, was watching me.
Endo-san would surely be at home cooking dinner, waiting for me even if I didn’t come.
Not that it matters, but Endo-san taught me that food tastes better shared than eaten alone.
“Hmm…”
Endo-san’s cooking is genuinely delicious, so I decided it wouldn’t hurt to go over for a meal.
Having never stayed at someone’s house before, I wasn’t sure what the proper thing to do was in this situation. Still, I grabbed just my pyjamas, bought some snacks and drinks at the convenience store as a little something, and headed over to Endo-san’s place.
Arriving in front of the house, the delicious smell of dinner wafted out.
When I was little, I’d play with my sister, and when we came home, Mum would greet us at the front door. I’d throw myself into my beloved mother’s arms, and she’d say, “Dinner’s ready, go and wash your hands quickly,” and my sister and I would race each other.
At my current home, my mother will never greet me like that again. Not that I particularly want her to, but occasionally, memories like this just come flooding back.
Feeling nervous, I rang the doorbell. Endo-san answered, dressed in her loungewear rather than the clothes she’d been wearing earlier.
“You came…”
“You were the one who said to come. I just wanted some dinner.”
At that, the corners of Endo-san’s mouth lifted slightly. With a gentler smile than usual, she said, “Please come in.”
Someday, Endo-san will find someone she likes. They’ll start dating, hold hands, kiss, love each other, engage in such acts. They’ll go on countless trips and dates, create many memories, and eventually marry.
And to that person, she wouldn’t show the face she puts on for everyone else, but the honest expression she only shows right now, just to me.
The person who marries Endo-san will be greeted like this every single day.
Lately, I find myself feeling just a little envious of that. I think I’ve caught some of Endo-san’s foolishness.
It’s because, even though I’ve only spent a little time with Endo-san, I have far too many memories.
Whoever marries Endo-san will be incredibly fortunate.
The food is delicious, she’s beautiful, and she’s kind…
As I pondered this, a pain shot through my chest – a pain that made me think, “So this is what it feels like to have a knife in your heart,” even though I’ve never been stabbed.
After graduation, I won’t see Endo-san again.
It’s the same with school friends.
That’s why I tried not to get too close.
Yet Endo-san just hopped over my walls and touched my core.
That’s why I hate it.
Making memories with someone. Doing fun things.
As I was thinking about that, Endo-san peered over my shoulder.
“Takizawa, you’ve got a proper funny face on there! You look cuter like this, don’t you?”
Endo-san went and pinched my cheek without asking, pulling the corners of my mouth upwards. It annoyed me, so I brushed her hand away firmly and ignored her, heading for the living room.
I really shouldn’t have come today. I thought it would be better than staying at that house, but now I’ve just added another memory with Endo-san.
“Shall we eat? Go wash your hands. I’ll take your things to my room.”
Saying that, Endo-san took my luggage to her room, so I decided to wash my hands at the sink.
Suddenly, glancing at the mirror, I saw my own face reflected, looking absolutely dreadful.
Lately, I hadn’t seen my own face at all – there’d been no need to. I demand so many different expressions from Endo-san, yet I don’t think I can even manage a proper smile when I’m happy.
A loud, rushing sound began outside.
I remembered the TV weather forecast saying today would be stormy.
I think the weather is like human emotions.
Just a moment ago it was sunny, then suddenly it rains; sometimes it stays cloudy for days; sometimes it’s constantly overcast; sometimes it clears up suddenly after rain.
Ever since I stopped interacting with my family, my weather has been nothing but rain or cloud.
I don’t think it will ever clear up.
Leaving the sink area and heading towards the living room, I saw a table laden with food. Why does everything Endo-san makes look so sparkling?
Today, rather than one main dish, there were many different side dishes laid out.
“I didn’t know what Takizawa liked to eat, so I thought I’d make a variety and see what you find tasty.”
She doesn’t need to know that sort of thing.
Why does she go to such unnecessary trouble?
Endo-san is smiling.
I think she’s become much more natural about smiling in front of me.
I think Endo-san’s smile is beautiful.
It’s not because her face is symmetrical or anything like that; I just find it beautiful for some reason.
Once seated, Endo-san began explaining.
“This is ginger pork, this is stir-fried burdock root, this is stuffed peppers, over here is potato salad, and this is meat and potato stew.”
It was an enormous amount.
Some seemed to be leftovers, but if I hadn’t come, what on earth would she have done with all this?
Would she have eaten it all alone?
No, whether Endo-san ate alone or not was none of my business.
It’s none of my business, but the thought that she might have made all this for me made my heart feel a little warm.
I sat down and picked up my chopsticks.
Everything I put in my mouth was truly delicious.
The ginger pork and the meat and potato stew were especially exquisite.
Endo-san looked over at me, looking pleased, and asked,
“Takizawa, you like ginger pork and meat and potato stew, don’t you? And peppers… you don’t like them, do you?”
How did she know?
Probably because I was so picky about what I ate. Even so, I was impressed she’d noticed.
“I don’t like peppers.”
Peppers are bitter and unpleasant.
“Why not try a bite of this?”
She brought a stuffed pepper close to my mouth.
Normally I wouldn’t eat it, but since Endo-san had gone to the trouble of making it, I thought I could manage a bite. Ever since tasting them as a child and associating them with bitterness, I’d avoided them entirely.
Only the memory of that bitterness remained vivid in my mind; I couldn’t recall the actual taste at all.
Tentatively, I brought it to my mouth and chewed slowly.
What Endo-san had offered me had none of the pepper’s bitterness; instead, rich meat juices flooded my mouth. The pepper itself had become a sweet vegetable, perfectly complementing the stuffed meat inside.
Endo-san looked at me with a ‘Well, what do you think?’ expression. I didn’t feel like answering, so I popped another stuffed pepper into my mouth.
“I hate peppers. But I can eat these.”
No matter how unappealing my comment, Endo-san just smiled gently. Watching her like that, I found myself feeling rather pleased.
We finished our meal in no time and I decided to help with the washing up.
The two of us were tidying up in the kitchen, but silence lingered, the sound of rain outside echoing inside the house.
“It started pouring suddenly, didn’t it?”
Endo-san gazed out the window with a distant look.
Today, I wouldn’t be going back to that suffocating house.
So, even if it was raining, it was alright.
My heart grew steadily warmer as I silently washed the dishes.