Episode 19: Afterwards

I was kicking my legs about on the futon.

I couldn’t sit still.

I touched my own lips.

They felt no different from usual.

I felt both relief that they hadn’t changed and a sense of loneliness.

As if venting this frustrating feeling, I clenched the yellow handkerchief by my pillow.

Even I was baffled as to why I’d done something so bold.

　It was all Takizawa’s fault.

Stupid Takizawa…

I am grateful to Takizawa. She saved my life.

I’d been searching for her forever, so finding Takizawa at high school made me incredibly happy.

Takizawa was a brilliant student, very clever.

I felt someone like me shouldn’t get involved, and didn’t want to give the teachers a bad impression of her, so I avoided her during first year.

　Please let us be in the same class…

That wish went unheard, and we were in different classes again in second year.

I never imagined we’d meet like that, but I was so happy when I could finally talk to Takizawa. However, she had an incredibly closed-off personality, and it was hard to get close to her.

She wouldn’t let anyone near her, nor would she let anyone get near her.
She never opened up.
But sometimes she was kind.
　She reminded me of a capricious cat.

It might be underhand, but I thought if I used studying as an excuse, Takizawa would let me be near her.
I hoped we could gradually become friends, so I increased my chances to see her under the pretext of studying.

But today, when she said she wanted to stop that, I was so shocked my mind went blank. It hurt even more because I’d thought studying would be my reason to stay connected.

　If Takizawa didn’t want anyone else to find out, I wouldn’t tell anyone about the study sessions, and I’d avoid interacting with her at school too. I’d do anything – I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing contact with Takizawa.
It wasn’t just about studying; I also wanted to cook for Takizawa again. She never said it, but she always finished everything I made.
Seeing that made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy, and I wanted to cook for her again.

　When Takizawa said, “Kiss me,” I was utterly flustered, but my resolve was made instantly.

I don’t know why Takizawa said that, but I hated the idea of losing my connection with her more than anything.

So, I accepted her request.

“Takizawa’s lips were so soft…”

Disgusted by my own pathetic muttering, I buried my face in the pillow.

　Back in secondary school, I genuinely hated doing things like that and even found them disgusting.

But somehow, with Takizawa, it just happened.

No, I suppose it was because I hated the thought of losing contact with her that much.

I’ll just leave it at that.

The thought of facing Mum and Dad tomorrow made me feel gloomy.

With that uneasy feeling still weighing on my chest, I drifted off to sleep.