Episode 33: Having Something Important to Talk About Is Just Too Convenient!
Night. When I get home, the usual voice comes from the living room.
“Welcome back, Yotsuka.”
“H-hey, I’m home.”
“You’re late.”
“Ran into Ia a bit, took a detour…”
“Oh yeah? Were you two talking about something?”
“Ah… yeah, I mean, nothing really? Just dumb stuff.”
“Hmm, okay.” Makina nods, not particularly bothered.
There’s no time left — Ia’s voice is still ringing at the back of my head.
I need to properly ask her.
There’s no time left.
I know that.
I understand that.
I already decided.
And yet, somehow, I still couldn’t take the step.
Even during dinner, I tried to bring it up more than once.
But every time Makina talked about her shift at Kisa-san’s place, or tomorrow’s plans, with that completely ordinary face of hers, the words snagged in the back of my throat and wouldn’t come out.
Even after the bath, drying my hair, I tried again.
But it got swallowed by the noise of the hair dryer, and in the end, I said nothing.
Back in my room, I lay sprawled on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
My phone screen shows 10:50 PM.
I need to properly ask her.
I know that.
But — just one more time, let me organize my thoughts in my head first, then go.
Thinking that, I let more time slip by, doing nothing again.
11:10 PM.
I have to ask her, before today’s over.
I know that, and yet my feet just won’t move.
11:25 PM.
35 minutes left.
Once that passes, it’s already our birthday.
We’ll turn eighteen.
Our parents will come home, file the marriage registration, and we’ll truly, officially just become “sisters” — that’s the line.
I told myself.
I have to go now.
It has to be now, doesn’t it.
The back of my throat’s gone bone-dry. My palms are damp with sweat.
11:30 PM.
There’s no more time left to hesitate.
I get up off the bed and step out of my room.
The instant I step into the hallway, Makina’s door opens too, at exactly the same moment.
“Eh?!”
“Whoa!”
Our eyes lock, dead-on.
“Wh— what’s wrong, Makina…?”
“I— I have something I wanted to talk to you about…”
“Wh-why…?”
“No, um… well…”
Makina looks away.
A little more flustered than usual.
Makina wants to talk to me, right now, at this exact moment?
I see. So it really is happening, after all.
Only ominous words are running through my head.
“Wh-what about you, Yotsuka? What’s wrong?”
“I have something to talk to you about too.”
“Talk…?”
“Let’s, um, go to the living room.”
“O-okay…”
Staying in the cramped air of the hallway, both our heartbeats are way too loud.
We move to the living room, almost like we’re fleeing.
◇◆◇◆◇
In the lit-up living room, we sit side by side on the sofa.
“So… can I go first?”
“Y-yeah…”
I take one big breath.
Under the room’s light, Makina’s staring right at me.
“Lately, Makina, you’ve been… avoiding me, haven’t you? You won’t hold my hand anymore, you stopped sleeping together, even kissing’s… gotten less.”
The thing I’d been too scared to say, afraid of getting hurt.
I finally, finally said it.
“I kept thinking about it. Did I do something wrong? Did you get turned off by me? Or maybe…”
“…Maybe becoming girlfriends was the wrong call after all.”
Makina’s expression freezes solid.
“If you want to break up now, that’s okay too, but… I want you to properly tell me how you feel.”
“I don’t want to head into our birthday still carrying this feeling, half-finished, not knowing anything for sure.”
“You said it yourself, remember? — That if anything happened, we’d still properly become sisters…”
My voice is shaking, and something feels like it’s about to spill out of my eyes any second.
For a while, Makina can’t say anything.
She just keeps looking straight at me.
Her face slowly starts crumpling.
“…That’s not it.”
“Huh?”
“That’s not it, Yotsuka. That’s not what this is, it’s just, how do I…”
Makina opens her mouth, closes it again, stringing words together in broken pieces.
“I… um, that…”
Then, tears well up in Makina’s eyes.
“S-sorry, wait, just, sorry.”
“Makina…?”
“It’s not, it’s not your fault at all, that’s, definitely not it.”
Makina pats both hands against her own cheeks, quick and flustered.
“Making you feel like that, I’m genuinely so sorry… if anything, it’s… kind of the opposite.”
“Opposite…?”
“Yeah, opposite, but explaining it is… really, really embarrassing.”
Makina’s face goes red, all the way to the tips of her ears.
“Wh-what, what’s so embarrassing about it…”
“Um, so, you know? If Yotsuka and I keep touching each other every day… I feel like, I’m going to stop being able to hold back.”
“Hold back… on what…?”
“So, that’s why I was keeping my distance. I’m sorry. It wasn’t that I wanted to avoid you, that’s, genuinely not it.”
“No, wait, hold on. I don’t get it.”
“I don’t really get it myself either, even while I’m explaining it, I feel like I’m saying something kind of insane.”
Makina ruffles her own bangs, messing them up.
“Huh? I— I honestly thought you were about to break up with me, or something like tha—”
“No! Absolutely not! You didn’t do anything wrong! It’s all on me!”
Makina denies it forcefully.
“Then what?”
“So, that’s, what I’m trying to explain, right now…”
Makina covers her face with both hands.
“D-don’t be put off, okay?! Promise?!”
“O-okay, got it.”
My heartbeat’s pounding loud in my ears. My fingertips are trembling, just slightly.
“So… um… I… want to… well… h-have sex…”
Her eyes peek out through the gap between her fingers, just barely.
My head goes completely, totally blank.