Episode 48: This Feeling Is Different From What I Had With Saeko
Two months had passed since that girl stopped coming to clean the building.
I won’t see her again. Let it go. Find someone new.
I’d told myself that, over and over. Each time, I just felt a little emptier.
＊＊＊
That day, I — Kirishima Saeko — was on my way back from a client visit when I stopped, on impulse.
There was a fresh-donut shop open on the corner of a side street.
I have a real weakness for new things like that.
— This area’s pretty close to Reina’s place.
Come to think of it, lately Reina’s been doing more remote work. Haven’t really talked properly in a while. Stopping by for a minute couldn’t hurt, right?
On a whim, I bought a box of donuts and headed for the building.
A moving crew happened to be working, and the entrance had been left propped wide open. Figured it was fine, and walked straight in without thinking too hard about it.
I pressed the intercom outside Reina’s door.
Click.
After a moment, the door opened.
The one who answered was — that girl.
Yuno.
My head went blank for a second.
Eh.
Why.
What is this.
Why is Yuno in Reina’s apartment.
Yuno’s eyes went wide, and on impulse she tried to shut the door.
My body moved before any words came.
By the time I noticed, I’d taken a step, then another, and pulled her into a tight hug.
Her slender body trembled, in small shudders.
“Stop…”
A small, shaking voice. Even so, it lodged itself deep in my ear.
Her face faintly flushed, her eyes trembling. Those full lips.
The heat of living together came rushing back all at once, and something fiercely protective stirred in me.
On impulse, I brought my face close.
Our lips touched, lightly. Yuno’s lips were trembling.
In that instant, unable to hold back the impulse, I pressed in deeper, trying to push my tongue past her lips —
“…I said stop!!”
Both my shoulders were shoved, hard, and I stumbled back.
The air in the corridor suddenly felt cold, and I snapped back to myself with a jolt.
“…! Sorry. But why are you here…”
“…………”
“No, never mind that. I’m glad we got to meet again. I… Yuno, I — like you.”
I said it, talking right over her, and Yuno’s eyes widened slightly.
I kept going.
“If I ever got to see you again, I wanted to tell you, no matter what… so——”
“…I’m sorry. I can’t return your feelings, Saeko.”
Yuno’s voice was shaking, but straight.
“What I feel for you, Saeko — it isn’t ‘like.’”
My heart gave a heavy thud.
It was a quiet voice. But it didn’t waver.
“…Does that mean there’s someone else you like?”
“…Yeah.”
“…Reina?”
Yuno lifted the corner of her mouth slightly, and nodded, hesitant.
“When I’m with Reina, I feel like I can breathe easy. She’s clumsy, but I can tell she treasures me. For the first time in my life, I finally feel like I’m allowed to be here.”
Yuno lowered her eyes slightly and went on, quiet.
“Just thinking about Reina makes my chest pound, makes it hard to breathe. …This feeling is different from what I had with you, Saeko. Being held by you just now, I understood that, clearly.”
Something deep in my chest ached, slow.
“I’ve been scared, this whole time. Reina said she was done with love. If I told her how I felt and she hated me for it, I wouldn’t be able to stay there anymore. That fear kept me from ever admitting my own feelings.”
Yuno’s eyes were faintly wet.
“But… I don’t want to keep pretending anymore. I want to stay beside Reina, from now on, always.”
She gripped her own hand, tight, and went on.
“When Reina comes home, I want to tell her myself. Properly. That I like her.”
I had nothing to say.
No comeback, nothing to hold her back with.
Yuno’s feelings were simply, completely real — and her face held not the faintest trace of lingering attachment to me. That, more than anything, was what hurt.
I stepped back, slowly. My feet felt heavy.
“I see… but, I really am sorry. For hurting you, back then.”
“No. I don’t hold it against you, Saeko.”
“Eh…?”
“If none of that had happened with you, I never would have met Reina.”
Something sharp stabbed at the back of my chest.
But I couldn’t let it show on my face.
I let out a breath and said:
“I see… then I’m glad.”
I couldn’t tell myself whether I was actually smiling. The corner of my mouth felt like it was trembling, just slightly.
“Here… eat these with Reina. They’re good.”
I narrowed my eyes and smiled, holding myself together with everything I had.
I held out the box of donuts, and Yuno took it. That was all I said, and I turned on my heel.
I all but ran into the elevator, and the doors closed.
Only once I was inside did I finally feel like I could breathe. I took a deep breath, and a few tears spilled out.
But somehow — the knot that had been sitting, tangled, in my chest, felt like it was slowly coming loose.
＊＊＊
Reina’s hands, listening silently to my account, were trembling slightly.
A silence stretched on in the president’s office.
Then, wrung out, she said it, quietly.
“…So — where is Yuno, right now…?”
“I don’t know. Well, probably crashing at someone else’s place by now, I’d guess.”
Reina’s sharp, narrow eyes flew open wide.
I could see, clearly, the colour draining from her face.
“…There’s no way to know that.”
Standing, her voice trembling, she grabbed both my shoulders and spoke in a rush.
“Where did she go after that. She might have been wandering. Might have been caught in the rain. She might be — collapsed somewhere.”
The grip on my shoulders kept tightening.
“Yuno had a cold that day. And I — I said something horrible, and drove her out. She left without even an umbrella, into the rain…”
Her voice broke off.
Tears welled in Reina’s eyes. Her face was utterly worn down, and yet her gaze seemed fixed somewhere far away — as if, even now, she were still searching for Yuno.
For a while, she stayed like that.
Then Reina blinked, as if snapping back to herself, and looked at me.
“Saeko.”
“Eh?”
“Sorry, can I ask you for something, starting this afternoon?”
“Eh, wai— Reina!?”
Without waiting for an answer, Reina snatched up her bag and bolted from the room.
The sound of her heels, ringing in the corridor, receded fast — and then, was gone.