Episode 68: Takizawa Belongs to No One

Being with Takizawa makes me feel emotions I’ve never felt before.

Happiness, joy, pain, anguish, all of it. I just never imagined that falling for someone could be this painful.

I’ve been watching Mai flirting with Takizawa since we were in different classes. But seeing it up close like this leaves me with a heavy, uneasy feeling in my chest.

　But there’s something else that makes my chest feel all knotted up.

About twice a week, one of Takizawa’s students from her part-time job comes to see her.

It’s my break time, the only chance I get to talk to Takizawa, and having that time taken away from me makes me feel resentful. What’s more, she’s a first-year who’s just joined the basketball club.

Third-years and first-years hardly ever speak to each other, but I feel like Miumi-chan, one of Takizawa’s students, is staring at me constantly during club activities.

　Takizawa is back.
I could just speak to her right there, but I text her on my phone so no one will hear.

‘Can you help me with my studies tomorrow?’
‘Sure.’
That was all she replied. Typical Takizawa, as always.

Today is club activity day.
The High School Sports Festival is just around the corner, yet I’ve been thinking only of Takizawa, and I’ve been having trouble concentrating for days on end.

　When club practice finished and it was time for extra training, Miumi-chan spoke to me for the first time.

She asked me a startling question whilst I was drinking my sports drink.

‘Hina-senpai, do you like Hoshizora-sensei?’

I nearly spat out the sports drink I had in my mouth. I wondered how a first-year student I’d never even spoken to could have guessed who I liked.

　However, Miumi-chan looked so serious, and she didn’t seem the type to blab people’s secrets, so I answered honestly.

‘I do.’
‘As a friend?’
‘No. When I say “like”, I mean in a romantic sense.’
‘Me too.’

I almost blurted out, ‘What?’
But Miumi-chan didn’t seem to be joking.

‘Hoshizora-sensei is always so kind. No matter how selfish I am, she always listens to me. But the way she looks at me is always the way she looks at a student; she doesn’t see me as a person. That’s why I decided to confess my feelings, so she’d take notice of me.’

Eh…?

It feels as though an arrow has pierced my throat; I’m choking and can’t get a word out.

My mind can’t keep up with everything.
　What on earth does she mean by ‘selfish’?
Is she doing the sort of things Takizawa and I do?
A confession…?
If Miumi-chan confesses and Takizawa says yes, will Takizawa and I no longer have anything to do with each other?

Ignoring my confused mind, Miumi-chan continued.

‘It’s just, when I saw you, Hina-senpai, I thought you might be in the same situation as me. I felt it wouldn’t be right to get ahead of my rival, so I told you.’

　I think Miumi-chan is incredibly conscientious.

Normally, if she didn’t want the person she likes to be taken away from her, it would make sense to keep quiet and deepen her relationship with Takizawa.

But Miumi-chan says she wouldn’t do that.
My head’s been spinning for ages now, and I can’t make sense of the situation.

Then, as if to add insult to injury, she utters these words.

‘So, I have a proposal. Let’s have a contest.’
‘A contest…?’
“I’ll become a regular player by the time of the High School Championships. If your total points across all matches are higher than mine, I’ll stop Hoshizora-san tutoring me and I’ll stop getting involved with her. However, if I win, I’ll confess my feelings to Hoshizora-san. If we end up dating, please stop getting involved with her.”

What on earth is she on about?
Making a decision like that just drags Takizawa into our little game.

‘I don’t get it. Even if Miumi-chan and I both like Takizawa, that’s our own business, and I don’t think it’s something we should just compete over and decide between ourselves. Where does Takizawa’s heart lie? She really likes her tutoring job with Miumi-chan. she says she enjoys teaching her. To just end the relationship would be far too selfish, and whatever happens, I want to stay close to Takizawa.’

Takizawa belongs to no one.
　Takizawa’s feelings and her body, everything belongs to Takizawa.

　However, Miumi-chan glared at me with piercing eyes.
　I felt as though I were being threatened by a small animal.

‘If you carry on like that, someone else will take her away from you one day.’

　I know that… Takizawa is such a wonderful person. Anyone who realises how charming she is will probably fall for her.
　I know that.

　But I’m too cowardly to take the next step.

‘I never thought you were such a coward, Endo-san. Once time has passed, it’ll be too late to regret it, no matter how much you do.’

Cowardly. That’s certainly true.

To be told something like this by a first-year student… I feel utterly pathetic.

And those words, that there’s no point in regretting the past, pierce my heart.

　On the day my father and mother died, I regretted over and over again that perhaps none of this would have happened if I hadn’t gone on that school trip. But no matter how much I regretted it, my parents never came back.

“—All right, I’ll take that challenge.”

It’s not that I’ve taken the bait of Miumi-chan’s provocation. I want to beat Miumi-chan, who likes Takizawa.

Seeing Miumi-chan and Takizawa together makes me feel restless and distressed.

　—Jealousy.

I’m jealous of Miumi-chan, who’s on such good terms with Takizawa. It used to be my privilege alone to have her tutor me, but before I knew it, that privilege had been extended to Miumi-chan too.

I knew it all along, but I’m nothing special to Takizawa.

When I look at Miumi-chan, that fact becomes even more glaringly obvious, and a murky, slimy emotion keeps welling up inside me.

　Still, I don’t want Miumi-chan to stay away from Takizawa.
No, actually, I’d prefer she if she stayed away, but Takizawa said she enjoys teaching.

I don’t want to take away something precious that Takizawa has found.

I don’t want anyone else to get involved with her, but Takizawa isn’t mine.

I’ve come to like Takizawa as a person.
So, I want to support her.

　I’ve accepted Miumi-chan’s challenge, but there’s one thing I simply won’t compromise on.

‘In return, if I win, I want you to change the terms.’
‘What would you like?’
‘I’ll tell you if I win.’
‘Understood. Sorry for being so cheeky, even though I’m only a first-year. I’m going back to practice.’

With that, Miumi-chan returned to practice.

Miumi-chan is actually quite good at basketball.
　Even though she’s a first-year, she’s good enough to easily make the starting line-up. I’ve heard rumours that she’s so good she even received a recommendation from a famous private sports high school.

　But even if that’s the case, I can’t lose.

　I can’t lose to Miumi-chan, neither in my feelings for Takizawa nor in the basketball I’m playing with all my heart.

　＊＊＊

　The next day, I studied with Takizawa as promised. I’d been so preoccupied with yesterday’s events that I couldn’t concentrate on my studies.

‘Endo-san, I can tell you’re not concentrating.’

Takizawa said this with a blank expression. It’s all Takizawa’s fault that I’m feeling so frustrated.

‘It’s your fault, Takizawa.’

As I said that and tried to press my lips against her, she covered my mouth.
she then pulled me away sharply.

‘I didn’t say you could do that.’

My heart ached sharply at being rejected by Takizawa.

“Does Takizawa do this kind of thing with anyone other than me?”
“No. Nobody else does this sort of thing to me in the first place — only you, Endo-san.”
“Would you do it if someone else did?”
“I don’t know.”

With that, Takizawa headed for the table.
I knew Takizawa would hate me asking any more questions.
But even so, I couldn’t hold back my feelings today, and I pressed her with another question.

“Have you ever wanted to do this with anyone else…?”
“What about you, Endo-san?”

Caught off guard by her question, I fell silent.
Takizawa moved much closer and looked me straight in the face.

“If you won’t answer, I’ll kiss you.”
“Go ahead.”
“You pervert, Endo-san.”

With that, Takizawa pulled away from me with an exasperated look on her face.

Is Takizawa asking these questions because she knows how I feel? No, if she knew, she wouldn’t ask such things. I think Takizawa is being particularly nasty by asking these questions without knowing how I feel.

“Takizawa…”
“Hmm?”
“I only want to do it with you…”

That’s practically the same as saying I like Takizawa. I’m so embarrassed, my ears feel like they’re on fire.

As I look down to hide my embarrassment, Takizawa gently nibbles my ear.
A strange sound escapes me involuntarily.

“What are you doing?!”
“You’re all red, so I thought you looked cute.”

What does that mean?
Cute?
Did Takizawa just call me cute?

Takizawa sometimes says things that make no sense.
I don’t know why she said that. she probably wasn’t thinking about anything, but I’m such a fool that I end up getting my hopes up.

“Endo-san, your ears are redder than before. Are you alright?”

Who does she think is to blame?

Takizawa and I aren’t dating, and she’s said she has no intention of getting involved with anyone.

I know that, but I decided to hold onto a tiny hope that Takizawa might come to like me one day, and to make an effort to ensure she does.