Episode 88: I’ll Give You Everything, Shion

I think about everything.

Shion’s study abroad. What Anon-san must think. The solitude of Kanzaki Takuto, who spent his whole life chasing sound.

My own prize. Mum’s warmth, regretting the past and yet rejoicing that I had managed to weave something with Shion. My father, who drowned in words and left us behind.

There’s no right or wrong in any of it, I think. Each person’s choice leads to the present they have now, and the future will be shaped the same way.

So in the end, all I can do is follow my own heart — and what I want, fervently, is this.

I want to talk to Shion. I want to hear that voice like a small bell. I want to know what kind of future Shion sees. And in that future, Shion and I—

Under the early-autumn sky, crossing the exposed walkway after school, a little way into the old school building. I pull open the door of the old music room.

And there, just as on the day we met, was Shion, sitting at the piano. The slanting light caught her silver hair and scattered it into bright points. Slender limbs in uniform, a pensive profile, pure white cheeks. All that beauty turned, slowly, toward the sound of the door.

Then — unlike that day, as if the days we’d accumulated were drawing her — Shion came running.

The uninhibited embrace, as always. She squeezes me tight, takes my hand, and assails me with the beauty of her soft warmth and sweet scent. And then the most beloved sound in the world rings against my eardrums.

“Uta…”

She calls my name with an urgency that cuts to the bone. I reach for words to ease even a little of that conflict inside her.

“Shion — congratulations again, belatedly. Yesterday’s performance was incredible.”
“Thank you… I played it for you, so I’m so glad… but—”

She stops there. I know what lies beyond those words — the heart of what she’s struggling with — and I have no answer to offer her. So instead, stroking her back, I ask gently:

“What does Anon-san say?”
“Mama says… if it’s for music, I absolutely should go. But the final choice is Shion’s, she said she’d respect it… and she said she’d be lonely if I went far away.”

The last part Shion delivered with just a hint of shyness. It warmed something in me too. The awkward and gradual way those two were finding each other — the distance from the pair talking past each other when they first met — I felt nothing but gladness at how far they’d come.

And the fact that Anon-san, who loves Shion that much, who has all that history with Kanzaki Takuto — that even she could say definitively go, if it’s for music — made me feel afresh just how significant this opportunity was.

“What do you want, Shion?”
“…I don’t know. I don’t know at all. I want to be with you always. Every reason I have is you. Becoming your words is my reason for living.”

Shion presses her arms tighter around my back, buries her face in the shoulder of my uniform, and says it into the fabric. Muffled as it was, Shion’s voice was still beautiful. And that voice weaving her feeling toward me made my heart ache sweetly. I was on the verge of sinking into Shion. If I said throw everything away and stay with me, she would probably choose that.

So I bite down, and close every feeling into the embrace, and say:

“…Thank you.”

And beyond that restraint, Shion releases words upward, like something cast skyward.

“But. To make up for the lie, to become your words again, I worked apart from you, practised with Mama like when I was small, and when I won the Grand Prize yesterday… I was so happy. When we waved to each other across the hall, even with all that distance between us, I was so happy I could have died. It was as happy as when I learned you’d been putting me into words since long before we ever met — since I was a child with nothing but music, before I even knew you existed. Yes — that’s it. When I learned that, my past changed. The fact that you knew me, that you’d been writing a novel with me as your model — just that fact, and the curse lifted. The days of piling up sound became something dear to me. So if I could become even more beautiful words… if I could…”

Shion’s fingers grip my hand tight, as though tormented by the contradiction inside her. Her pure-white fingertips were harder than they looked — and what was engraved there was everything she had accumulated.

So, wanting those fingertips — those pure white wings — to fly properly toward the future, I tell her:

“The novel I wrote about Shion won a prize.”

In that instant, Shion, sunk into my chest, lifted her face.

“…Really?”
“Yes.”
“That’s incredible… that’s so wonderful! Congratulations — I’m so happy.”

She said it like a child, bouncing, delighted. I smiled at that unguarded response, stroked her head gently, and spoke.

“It’s all because of you. Because you were so beautiful, because your piano was so beautiful — I think my words managed to become just a little beautiful too. So thank you.”

At my words Shion’s eyes went wide, those violet-indigo irises wavering with something — and as though casting that wavering out into the open, she said, dazed:

“Then… if I could play piano even more beautifully. Would that help your words?”

It was a loose and shapeless thing to say. And yet it felt like an answer to something. Hearing it, I felt as though I had been shown a path too.

I prepared myself to carry all of Shion, and released the words I had chosen into the air.

“I want to see how far your beauty can fly, Shion. I want to keep putting the image of you, soaring beautifully, into words. Right now I’m not nearly your equal — but even so, however far apart we are, I’ll keep watching. I’ll work to close even a little of the distance. And someday, if I can stand as your equal — when that day comes, I want to see the same view from beside you. I want to use every part of my life to stand at your side. I don’t want the two of us sinking together into the deep sea — I want to watch the sea from beside you as you fly.”

Shion nodded slowly at my words, and murmured:

“…I want to go to karaoke.”
“Eh?”

The sudden non-sequitur surprised a sound out of me. Shion continued, undeterred.

“I want to take photo stickers too. I want to eat that popping ice cream again. Maybe one more matching keychain wouldn’t hurt.”
“…Okay.”
“I want to study together too… at your place. I’ll teach you loads of maths so you don’t get red marks anymore.”
“Urgh… but thank you. That would really help.”
“I want you to watch my lessons at home again too. No falling for Mama, but sometimes I should probably share you a little.”
“Share me… I’m not an object.”
“I want to see penguins at the aquarium again. The dolphin show was incredible too. And then eat those big prawn crackers, and have you carry me on your back up the slope.”
“Sorry — I might not be able to manage the piggyback.”
“Because I’m heavy…?”
“No. You’re not heavy. But gravity is.”
“Uta is stingy.”
“Sorry.”
“Fine. And then… I want to watch the sea together again. I want to go to the summer festival, see the fireworks.”
“Yes. Let’s see them.”
“On days we don’t go out, after school — I’ll play piano for you here. Shall we play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star together again?”
“I’d love that. Something to look forward to.”
“When I play, make sure to praise me lots. And I want lots of hugs. And kisses too.”
“…I’ll do my best.”
“Anyway — there are so many things I want to do with you, so—”

There, Shion stopped. Then she looked directly at me with those violet-indigo eyes and said:

“Until I go over there — give me all your time.”

My answer was already decided.

“Past and future both — every part of my life — I’ll give it all to you, Shion.”